z

Young Writers Society


16+ Language Mature Content

Prologue

by Ravenmiss


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and mature content.

In 1920, there was a bustling city that was located at the junction of the Mississippi and Missouri Rivers, making the city one of the largest nations in the world. It worked as a busy river port as well as a major train hub. On July the 1st, the Recent Enactment of National Prohibition promised to bring a great change in the city, for better or for worse but...nobody believes it to be true. It made sense because the city's once prosperous breweries struggled to remain in business. Most don't survive but an emerging unground industry began to fill in the gaps...or taps, if you catch my drift.

A restaurateur named Atlas May owned and operated a modest niche within the city called The Little Daisy Cafe. Along with him was his beautiful Goddaughter, Bellerose Bonnet Antoinette, which goes with the name since she is the kindest and sweetest woman you would have ever met. The Angel of Innocence they would call her. She lived in a very wealthy aristocrat family in Paris and the family was famous for their singing and wealth around the world since they claimed to be descendants of Marie Antoinette, the Queen of France, back in 1789 - 1799. With that wealth, they became the Grand Duke and Duchess of France which helped with Atlas connection to them a lot. 

His assuming establishment happened to also be a portal into the extensive maze of limestone caves below St. Louis. Which gave him an opportunity to create a little surprise for the public under here. Even though St. Louis was dry up on the surface, there was a wellspring underground waiting for them to enjoy and the only way you could get in would be the Club-Shaped pin worn under the color or inside the lapel that granted trusted patrons access to the subterranean place called Lackadaisy Speakeasy, in honor of his Goddaughter, Bellerose.

Since it was located in the middle of St. Louis, that would mean that they had numerous routes for illegal liquor flows, which made them never get a loss for supply, making Lackadaisy prosper, and it became the city's most prominent bootleg operation, with Belle working with them. Atlas had a small empire.

But as prohibition persists, formidable rivals began to emerge, and the competition was anything but friendly with enemies lurking around every corner. But what happened next shook the entire world and the family to its core. 

Now Atlas could have met a violent end...if it wasn't for Bellerose coming in to save him in the last minute in 1926. As the Lackadaisy continued to prosper, more people started joining in after seeing the headlines: 

Bellerose,the Lady of France, Got Shot in St. Louis!

Still Alive After a Gruesome Attempted Homicide!

Yep! You got that right - She was still alive after that shot. She was a tough fighter even though the injury was server. From the May Family and others of the Lackadaisy, they sent her best after she was transported back to France to regain full recover. Amidst shaken loyalties and the mountain pressure from the competitors, they still held on tight and after a few months, Lackadaisy started becoming more of a hotel which was named the Rose Hotel, named after Bellerose. 

By 1927, business has been booming and not even the competitors couldn't take the empire down since Atlas was still alive and heavy with security, but some say that there hasn't been any trouble since they didn't want to cause that incident again with the Grand Duchess. The organization thrives on, in the name of Bellerose. 

And so, while the rest of the city still remember the incident by celebrate the world with the Spirit of St. Louis, somebody has decided to come back and pay a few people a visit and a little surprise for them. Wanna guess who it is? Well... you'll see.


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Points: 475
Reviews: 3

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Sun Jan 15, 2023 5:13 am
LeavanDragon wrote a review...



Hello good evening on the EST side, I saw your story and I think this is pretty intriguing, I'm impressed by the briefness of the prologue yet the amount of detail and anticipation it sets up. I have not develed into much historical fiction so this is new to me, yet I love what I've read about so far.

I like the emphasis placed on the character of Bellerose and how her actions will in fact set the future events of this story into emotion, simply because she took an action that causes history to diverge. I'm very interested in seeing what character might come about to pay a visit and if they'll be the main character that we'll be following in this story.

Unfortunately I'm not much more familiar with the soure material, so this is all I can safe for now, I but I really like this so far and hope to read more from you!




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Thu Jan 12, 2023 4:14 pm
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ShallowHouse wrote a review...



Hullo there!

I saw "Historical Fiction" and got very intrigued, I don't see many Lovecraft-inspired stories, and this seemed like a very nice read!

I just want to say first off, it is a fascinating prologue, quite a voice, this narrator! Probably the "somebody who decided to come back," yeah?

Anyway, the characters. The named ones were Atlas May and Bellerose Bonnet Antoinette. There wasn't much in terms of characterization on either character, just titles and public perception.

All I know of Atlas May was that he was a restaurateur and owned The Little Daisy Cafe which led to the Lackadaisy Speakeasy which is some sort of huge underground establishment that eventually turned into a hotel called the Rose Hotel? Do correct me if I'm wrong here, I'd love to know more about this!

Bellerose Bonnet Antoinette, the Angel of Innocence, whose family is a claiming to have descended from Marie Antoinette, is the more enigmatic figure in this prologue. She suddenly saves her godfather at the last minute? Did someone tip her off or... did she see into the future? Or was she the one who instigated the whole thing? Either way, it paid off for the both of them indeed!

The incorporation of The Prohibition into the setting was a nice addition! I don't know much about history of 1920's U.S., but I know that it's about banning alcohol!

Now, for some little nitpicky things here...

In 1920, there was a bustling city that was located at the junction of the Mississippi and Missouri Rivers, making the city one of the largest nations in the world.

Omitting the city name is alright, but is it a city or a nation? Or did you mean it to be one of the largest cities?

Bellerose, daughter of the Grand Duchess of France, Got Shot in St. Louis! Still Alive After a Gruesome Attempted Homicide!

That's quite a long headline! Usually a headline count can vary but there's still a limit to what you can put in a newspaper. "Duchess of France Shot in St. Louis!" or something like that. Short and eye-catching goes in the headlines. The details are in the body!

Aside from those two, there are no other notable stuff I can say except good job on this!
Take pride in your wonderful work, it gives off a mysterious theme and it should be, it's a Lovecraft story! Let me know when the next one comes out, I look forward to the first chapter!

Good luck, and never let your creativity stop flowing!




Ravenmiss says...


Hello Shallow! Thank you for the comment and I'm new with this so I'm glad for the insight and the beautiful comment! I would characterize the characters but it's kinda like leaving the suspense in the story, because I am inserting into them soon and you'll soon learn about the Rose Hotel in the next chapter. And I think I meant to say St. Louis is one of the largest cities but it's something that I get caught into the moment of and wanted to try that out but then again, it doesn't make any sense lol. And I'm not really good with Headlines since I do see some Headlines that are long but I could put that in there when I edit it--if I can in this website. And I'll try to shorten it out a little bit but anyway, thank you for your insight on this and I love the energy you give!



ShallowHouse says...


It's the first time I've heard of me giving off energy, but I'm glad! Also, yes, you can edit your published works through the Publishing Center!
Good luck!



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Wed Jan 11, 2023 5:07 pm
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KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this is quite a lovely prologue that you have here. I think it manages a pretty decent balance of some interesting information to just establishing the setting and the rough premise here and create something of an inciting incident without telling us so much that it becomes overwhelming or boring.

Anyway let's get right to it,

In 1920, there was a bustling city that was located at the junction of the Mississippi and Missouri Rivers, making the city one of the largest nations in the world. It worked as a busy river port as well as a major train hub. On July the 1st, the Recent Enactment of National Prohibition promised to bring a great change in the city, for better or for worse but...nobody believes it to be true. It made sense because the city's once prosperous breweries struggled to remain in business. Most don't survive but an emerging unground industry began to fill in the gaps...or taps, if you catch my drift.


Hmm this is an interesting place to start out a prologue. Its a little more of a neutral sort of start than you see, but its a nice combination of a few interesting little details to get us hooked and some fun background there to set the scene. Its a lovely place to start. Let's see where this takes us.

A restaurateur named Atlas May owned and operated a modest niche within the city called The Little Daisy Cafe. Along with him was his beautiful Goddaughter, Bellerose Bonnet Antoinette, which goes with the name since she is the kindest and sweetest woman you would have ever met. The Angel of Innocence they would call her. She lived in a very wealthy aristocrat family in Paris and the family was famous for their singing and wealth around the world since they claimed to be descendants of Marie Antoinette, the Queen of France, back in 1789 - 1799. With that wealth, they became the Grand Duke and Duchess of France which helped with Atlas connection to them a lot.


Oooh this is really leaning in nicely to the more historical retelling sort of aspect here, with a very much history book like vibe, which is not a bad thing, just something I noticed here. I think so far you've balance out a barrage of details well enough within this that its still very intriguing without being too much for the reader to process.

His assuming establishment happened to also be a portal into the extensive maze of limestone caves below St. Louis. Which gave him an opportunity to create a little surprise for the public under here. Even though St. Louis was dry up on the surface, there was a wellspring underground waiting for them to enjoy and the only way you could get in would be the Club-Shaped pin worn under the color or inside the lapel that granted trusted patrons access to the subterranean place called Lackadaisy Speakeasy, in honor of his Goddaughter, Bellerose.


OOooh this is lovely. It transitions nicely into some now much more intriguing details there and I think this works as perhaps the first place where this story really manages to somewhat hook us in here. It looks like there's some rather interesting things going on here underneath all the glamour established at the start there.

Since it was located in the middle of St. Louis, that would mean that they had numerous routes for illegal liquor flows, which made them never get a loss for supply, making Lackadaisy prosper, and it became the city's most prominent bootleg operation, with Belle working with them. Atlas had a small empire.

But as prohibition persists, formidable rivals began to emerge, and the competition was anything but friendly with enemies lurking around every corner. But what happened next shook the entire world and the family to its core.


Oooh I love the way this is coming to a head here. Its a lovely progression from showcasing the front for this operation and the reputation of the people around it to then descending into the operation itself and now to the darker aspects that tend to accompany something like this.

Now Atlas could have met a violent end...if it wasn't for Bellerose coming in to save him in the last minute in 1926. As the Lackadaisy continued to prosper, more people started joining in after seeing the headlines:

Bellerose, daughter of the Grand Duchess of France, Got Shot in St. Louis! Still Alive After a Gruesome Attempted Homicide!

Yep! You got that right - She was still alive after that shot. She was a tough fighter even though the injury was server. From the May Family and others of the Lackadaisy, they sent her best after she was transported back to France to regain full recover. Amidst shaken loyalties and the mountain pressure from the competitors, they still held on tight and after a few months, Lackadaisy started becoming more of a hotel which was named the Rose Hotel, named after Bellerose.


Ooooh this is quite a fun little incident there. I assume this is all just setting things up for what's to come but I kind of find myself wanting to know more details about this story now. This attempted murder and everything surrounding it sounds really interesting.

1927, business has been booming and not even the competitors couldn't take the empire down since Atlas was still alive and heavy with security, but some say that there hasn't been any trouble since they didn't want to cause that incident again with the Grand Duchess. The organization thrives on, in the name of Bellerose.

And so, while the rest of the city still remember the incident by celebrate the world with the Spirit of St. Louis, somebody has decided to come back and pay a few people a visit and a little surprise for them. Wanna guess who it is? Well... you'll see.


Oooh this is a lovely place to end off there. Having the turmoil there settle down only to end on the chance of this now restored fortress being under attack by this mysterious figure. I'd say it certainly makes you want to read more here.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think you've got a pretty strong prologue here. I think its done enough at least to get me quite intriguing about this family and what's to come in this story. I certainly would want to read more.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




Ravenmiss says...


Hello, dear Kate! I'm glad you like the story so far and I'm glad that I didn't put too many details on it, so I appreciate your positivity! Thank you so much!



KateHardy says...


You're Welcome!!



Ravenmiss says...


Though if you don't mind me asking, could you help me create a type of lovecraftian theme when I continue on with the story? It's something that I hope that I can achieve but I don't mind some help from now and then.




A ruler leads by example, not force.
— Sun Tzu