Cool, summer wind carried to me
Whispers of earth and wind
That casted shadows on the wooden fence
In forms of almond leaves and dappled light
It speaks of barks and roots
Secrets of heath and wheat
That billowed and flourished
Into a yard of painted suns
While continents of clouds
Ambled leisurely in the sky
Speaking of nothing
But a gentle summer's day
And all the while
I looked
Behind my window
Mesmerized
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140,552 Literary Works • 673,425 Reviews
Hello, young master Raven!
This is lovely. It's a nice descriptive poem that really gives me an image in my head and has a nice play in the vocabulary as well.
I have a few suggestions for improvement that I hope you'll take a look at.
It's a little strange to have wind carrying a whisper of wind to you. Perhaps replace it with another monosyllabic word that has to do with nature. "stream," "brook," "wood," "grass," "sky," etc. all would be a lovely choice to replace the paradoxical second wind with. I also suggest replacing the first "wind" with "breeze" because it is much more indicative of a cool summer wind. It is also more pleasant sounding.
"casted" should be "cast"
In the second stanza, "barks" should have the "s" removed.
To make this grammatically correct, you'd need "from" in between "looked" and "behind." However, I'm suggesting that you change these lines completely because they're rather lackluster right now. Try being more descriptive. Make your window more of a focal point in these last few lines. I would write this: "my window trapped me / in the mesmerizing glare." or something like that. It's five in the morning right now and I haven't gone to bed yet. I'm sure you can feel some sympathy towards me.
A few notes on formatting:
Don't double space poetry. If memory serves me correctly, in order to single space poetry in the program provided for this site, you should hold shift while you press enter before the next line.
It's not a requirement, but I prefer my poems in left-align, not centered. Most people do it that way.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this poem, and I hope that my comments prove helpful to you. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions! Happy writing!
Ah, thank you most grandly! I couldn't quite figure out how to single space it so thank you for that information and thank you for all the corrections! I shall take them into consideration in my future poems!
Hey there, yet again, Spotlight-maker!
But seriously, great work! I LUURRVVV YOUR WRITING! 
I am here for a reviewwww
Right, so overall, great work, you've done another fabulous job here and your descriptions and emotions are so well written and portrayed.
Fav lines:
"That billowed and flourished
Into a yard of painted suns"
and:
"While continents of clouds
Ambled leisurely in the sky"
(great imagery.)
A couple of little improvements which could be made...:
"Ambled leisurely in the sky"
I particularly loved these lines, but this one could be improved by perhaps changing "in" to "across" just to give the piece more movement and more activity
I can't suggest anything that others haven't already and I don't want to bore you
-CFG
Says you, spotlight girl.
thank you by the way, glad you liked it.
Hello Ravenboy! I really like the word choice in this poem, and the imagery it creates. It allows me to picture the scene clearly. This line seems especially beautiful: "While continents of clouds/Ambled leisurely in the sky." I really like the descriptions here.
I only have a few small things to point out:
The poem flows very nicely, but one line doesn't feel as smooth. "It speaks of barks and roots." I think changing "barks" to "bark" might improve the flow.
"Cool, summer wind carried to me/Whispers of earth and wind." I'm not sure if this is intentional, but the idea of wind carrying wind seems strange to me.
"That casted shadows on the wooden fence." I believe that should be "cast."
Those are the only suggestions I have. This poem was very enjoyable to read, and I hope you keep writing!
Thank you!:)
Hey Raven
I absolutely love the title. Very creative!
I cannot really find any flaws in this. I must say, it is B.E.A.U.T.I.F.U.L
I like the way you expressed it, a simple thought.
The ending was a wooow. 'Mesmerized' sounds lovely there and the meaning it gives is great too.
Do keep writing more of this kind!
*Claps*
Love,
Krish
Thank you so much!
Mind giving it a like? *bows*
Hahaa sure boss