Young Writers Society

Dear Ravenboy,

Hey, its gottahaveFaith and I wanted to start by saying that I like the overall idea of your poem.
There are only a few things I would suggest to maybe take a closer look at.

When I first started to read the poem I had to read each stanza more than two times to understand that the next two lines of each stanza refer back to the first one. I feel like the way you have the poem broken up into stanzas the way it is makes it a bit confusing.

Maybe you could play around with it to see if something flows more and make more sense. Maybe I am the only one who is having an issue reading it.

One thing I like is you comparing yourself to the abilities each thing holds like gold and diamonds. However I feel like the lack of that connection directly between both you and the abilities of spider's silk. I feel like the stop of a direct connection broke my concentration from your idea of the poem. I like being completely captivated by words in a poem and to break concentration to spot something like that that isn't fitting in with the beginning of the poem… I think there is a way to change that and to compare that as well so it flows with the beginning of the poem. Once again just what I noticed

I like your break in the last stanza to practically whisper broken like its a painful memory. In fact your last stanza is my favorite one. I like the imagery you use by saying " Broken smiles and tight-strung nerves" and how you turn the poem around at the end by saying that every piece of you is true. The message I got out of it was even though you aren't perfect you aren't pretending to be someone your not and I think thats beautiful. So whether or not that was what you were trying to portray I enjoyed it.

Keep writing- I look forward to reading more from you!

-gottahaveFaith

Whoo! *waves flag and throws confetti* Ravenboy is back!
Great work, loved it! *pulls party popper*

Wow that is a really powerful poem. However It really didn't make sense to me. I really don't know what made it not make any sense but it just didn't. I think that maybe you could probably change it up a bit to make it make more sense to the readers. otherwise it is really good and a very strong piece you are a very talented writer. keep up the good work and good luck

I like this! Especially the last part. Like, it doesn't matter how tough and resilient you are, you're still you. I like it.

The only criticisms I have are the punctuation and the line where you say "to rebound back words of knives". Your comma placement was just a little off--I would take out the commas after the first lines, because if you were reading it out loud as a sentence, you wouldn't pause there.

I think it's a little redundant to say "rebound back", since rebound already means "to bounce back". You could replace "back" with "the", maybe, to keep the same sort of rhythm. "To rebound the words of knives"? Just go with what feels right to you.

Overall, I really like it! The meaning of it really struck me.
Thanks for sharing!(:

Hey there Ravenboy! Welcome back to YWS!
First off I really like how you described different things from gem stones to spider webs and compared them to a person. Very interesting and actually really deep!
My favourite line was:

Not am I a spider's silk,

With the awing resilience

To rebound back words of knives