To this day, I’m still not quite sure what happened that day. It should’ve just been a normal day for a normal teenager like me. I don’t think I have bad karma, or at the very least, not karma bad enough to rend the whole world into pieces. Maybe I have good karma. After all, I did survive that day, even if it was only that day.
That day, the sky wasn’t blue. It wasn’t red or black or some murky color either like they have it in the movies. It was a brilliant gold. Fitting color for the end of all of mankind I suppose. All of humankind vanished into a veil of shining golden light. It was as if they went to go join their maker if humankind really had one.
The day after that, everything was normal. Normal for planet Earth, except for the fact that there were no humans. I was alone. The people were gone. They straight up disappeared the day before. Now I was all alone.
There was nowhere for me to go. No place that I wanted to go. If reincarnation existed, I hope that I would be reincarnated as some other animal. I use to wish to be reincarnated as a human. Now I desperately wished the opposite. I had searched far and wide, scoped every corner of the world that I could. There was no one left. No one left but me.
What other choice did I have? I was obviously the unnatural one there. I shouldn’t have existed anymore. There was no place left for me on this planet. No existence that was meant to be mine in this reality. No logic left to be used in this doomed situation. So I did what was needed.
Did you know that drowning isn’t actually that painful? If you don’t hold your breath and let all of the air from your lungs into the golden sky, you won’t be in the darkness. You will feel as if you were gulped down by the infinite shadows. You’d disappear into the cold ocean. As you sink deeper, it becomes colder.
It’s funny because it didn’t seem like I died. My body died. I did not. There was the gold sky. It was so high up, I don’t know how I could see it from the depth of the ocean. I was drawn to the golden sky from the crepuscule created by the ocean.
Suddenly, I was wrenched up from the ocean and thrown into the glistening sky. I felt the radiant beams surround me and comfort me. It swallowed me and became me. Rather I became it. I faded into the warm glow of eternal bliss. It was glorious. It was the end. Finally. I stopped existing.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
I wouldn't want to drown... FantasyWriter76, or Fantasy76 if you prefer, here. Today I'm gonna review this story!
This was interesting as a concept and such. The character is going through a thought process about what they should do as the last person and Earth. This story has potential when it comes to what can be added on.
I think you should maybe give more information on Nofirstname Nolastname, and also I feel this would work better as a one-off. A deep story that should only have one chapter. Though I think there is potential, what exactly is Nofirstname Nolastname gonna do non-existent unless you pull some kind of McGuffin type thing, you know?
Overall, I'd give this story 4 infinite shadows out of 5.
-FantasyWriter76/Fantasy76
Radrook here to give a review. Please feel free to ignore any suggestion deemed not helpful. If I offend, you have my apologies. It is not intentional. That having been said:
Thanks for sharing this fascinating story about someone who tells us that all mankind disappeared and only he was left behind and finally committed suicide by drowning. The tone was superb and the pace ideal, The imagery kept me reading and the drama kept my interest going until the very end. I did find the doubt expressed about the existence of a creator a bit distracting, but not so much as to stop me from reading. Nevertheless I did wonder why that doubt needed to be expressed.
The loneliness of the speaker is conveyed even though minute details about his surroundings aren’t meticulously described. One very special part that I really liked is the constant reference to the golden sky and the golden glow. The suicide was a bit disappointing since one wishes that the person involved prevail in some other way. One wonders also why didn’t disappear along with all the others. Surely if this was the Rapture then he could not have been the only one left behind. Or is he hallucinating. It is a very strong possibility since he declares himself non-existent even though to tell the story he definitely needs to exist. So that in itself indicates that the storyteller is either pulling our leg or else delusional.
Suggestion
Reduce the number of times the word “day” is used which is seven
Reduce the number of times the word “ocean” is used which is four.
I hope [hoped]
use to wish [used]
The conclusion poses a logical problem. If indeed he stopped existing, then how is he telling us about it?
All in all a very interesting read. Looking forward to reading more of your work
Thanks for the suggestions! I will check and edit my work more. I hope that I can make all the details make sense in the coming chapters.
I loved it! To say the least. You did well on description. There is alot of repeated points however. You may just have to add more to the preview. Uh who is speaking in this story?
You could use more verbs and nouns. Also check grammar. Good job. You are a fine writer. I loved the story. This does have a futuristic feel to it however did you intend it that way?
I can't answer the who question because of spoilers. Once again this is hard to explain, but the events of the prologue are technically set in our future. However, time can't really be applied in the same way because they are not in the same dimension as us.
I did check my grammar but if you see any mistakes that are bugging you, please tell me. I'm glad that you are enjoying my writing. I hope to improve as much as possible in order to make my vision for this story come true.
To this day, I’m still not quite sure what happened that day. It should’ve just been a normal day for a normal teenager like me. I don’t think I have bad karma, or at the very least, not karma bad enough to rend the whole world into pieces. Maybe I have good karma. After all, I did survive that day, even if it was only that day.
First I thought it was someone's speech, but then I find it confusing. Still, maybe it's interesting that Prologue uses "I" and "Me" who ever the person really is.
All of humankind vanished into a veil of shining golden light.
What is the golden light in the sky? What killed the mankind? (Maybe not "humankind")
The day after that, everything was normal. Normal for planet Earth, except for the fact that there were no humans. I was alone.
What's normal day on Earth despite the human race? Are there still any animals or plants? Also how did this guy (whoever he is) survived?
No existence that was meant to be mine in this reality.
Are there other realities in this story? Anyway, to me at least it doesn't make any sense.
Did you know that drowning isn’t actually that painful?
Who's "you"?
It swallowed me and became me. Rather I became it. I faded into the warm glow of eternal bliss. It was glorious. It was the end. Finally. I stopped existing.
Stopped existing? Whatever just happened wasn't glorious, it's confusing! Also that just kills your The Rebel And The Monk story when it was just about to born.
I'm sorry if I've offended you, but I was trying to be respectful.
Haha, don't worry. I'm not offended in the least. Thanks for the very thorough review.
This is the prologue of the story which should start to make sense when the story actually starts. I'm sure it's going to be very confusing once I release the first chapter, but eventually, it will make sense. I don't want to spoil what I have in store for this story, but this is a story that I'm pouring my soul into. Please continue to read my story!
(*slight spoiler/clarifying point* You are correct about there being multiple realities. Also, to the character in the prologue the fact that he no longer has to exist in that reality is wonderful news)
Hello! And welcome to YWS!
Okay, I have a few ideas about this prologue that really make me want to read your first chapter. For one, I'm getting heavy allusions towards a biblical type rapture and I'm so down for stories like that! I don't know why your Main Character was the only one left - or even if they are the only one, but reading this has made me want to find out.
I literally have no clue where your story would go from here, and that's really exciting as a reader, to have no idea at all what could happen next. However, because this is a prologue, I am a bit wary. I feel like this might be very far into the future of your actual plot and I'm afraid we're gonna start out no where near this calamity. I could be wrong, though! That's just my pessimism towards prologues showing. I feel like they hype me up for something amazing and then dump me off somewhere so far away from the prologue's events and characters. It's just so frustrating. But, I digress. This has nothing to do with your story.
Moving on to the actual review.
Please excuse my little rant.For the most part I enjoyed reading this. It was straightforward, simple, and easy to get through. You had some lovely descriptions here - especially the part about the sky. I did feel very detached from your main character, I wasn't really able to get a good sense of their voice, but this is only a prologue so I'm not exactly saying it's a bad thing. For later parts, though, I would want to have more connections to your characters in regards to emotions. Showing, not telling though.One thing that did become a problem in this piece was the repetition. You sometimes repeated the same word multiple times over a short period of time. For example, the word "day" in your first paragraph. You also repeated the same point, which made me feel like you didn't trust me as a reader to understand you the first time. It became a slight annoyance. For example, repeating over again that the people were gone. I would suggest looking for different things to comment on instead of hashing out the same points.
But even this wasn't as much of a problem because of the length of your piece. I would just watch out for that in your chapters to come.
Other than that, I don't have anything else to say! This is a very interesting plot and I'm excited to see what is coming next!
Wow, that's a long review! Thank you so much for the optimism towards the development of my story.
First of all, to clarify, the character in the prologue is not the main character. This is because this story's main characters are...you guessed it, *spoiler, not really* a rebel and a monk. I'm really good at coming up with titles as you can see.
I also have to apologize in advance because your prediction is going to come true. I already planned and wrote the first chapter but I could always edit the story. Technically, the prologue is set before the events of the story happen. While the story will explain what happens in the prologue, the prologue is more like the history behind the story. Hopefully, you will be just as enthralled with the actual story as you are with the prologue.
Hi! Cinderquill here to give a review! Hopefully it's helpful.
Since this is a prologue, maybe I shouldn't be expecting too much to happen in a prologue. But I have so many questions after reading this. Like how did everyone disappear? Why is the sky golden? Also where did the ocean even come from? Actually, now that I think about it, it's good that I have these questions, since it shows that your prologue is interesting as a hook.
For a prologue, I feel like the flow of the story (timewise) was rushed, as it jumped from one day describing the sky to the day after where everyone was dead with no explanation in between. Also the prologue ends with the person dying, which leaves me questioning on how this is going to play out, since normally you wouldn't end a prologue with someone dying.
I'm pretty intrigued on how this story will turn out! Keep up the good work! ^u^
-Cinderquill, signing off
Thank you for the review! It's very helpful. I hope that I will be able to continue to provide a story that is enjoyable, haha.
For the prologue, it's more of just the character thinking to himself. The timeline in the prologue doesn't overlap with the story's timeline. I know this is confusing, and I'm not so sure if I'm a good enough writer to pull this off, but my vision for the story is very grand. It should hopefully all make sense by the end of this story.
Also for some reason, a lot of the prologues I write have someone dying in it... *cough* I swear I'm not killing them off for a purpose.