Hey there! Not quite sure what type of story this is, just kinda started writing for a bit before I hit the hay. Hope you enjoy!
She was beautiful.
A setting sun.
A shooting star, its tail a mirage of colors beyond…
a bloodied rose, its petals plucked by my hands.
She was everything right with the world, kind, hopeful… happy.
And she was right there, under that tree.
What is it about that spot that makes her fall in love?
Is it the leaves, how their fall colors melt onto the ground?
It's a big tree, much bigger than me, its trunk strong, its cover reaching out to protect her. Hug her perfection with its darkened bark and blanket of nature.
I could see her reading a book, I wondered what it could be about.
Maybe a love story?
Seems like a good spot to read something romantic, unless she was the type to get off on horror.
I hope she isn’t.
I don't like horror much, it makes me squirm a little.
It isn’t the blood or dark though, I don't mind that.
I think it makes me jealous, should I be jealous of a murderer?
I don't know…
I guess it doesn’t matter.
All that mattered was her.
I couldn’t have her though.
I knew why…
my love wasn’t her love, she was too frail.
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140,078 Literary Works • 673,000 Reviews
Hello! Ley here to review this delightful work for you. Today, I’ll be using my 'Autumn-Themed Review Template'! We’ll begin with my initial impressions, then delve into the aspects that stood out like the vibrant hues of fall, and then get into the critiques. I hope you find this review insightful, and that you're enjoying the cozy charm of autumn, wherever you are in the world! Let’s dive in!
The First Signs of Autumn
Hello! I clicked on this because it really intrigued me. I know you categorized it as a short story, but to me, it read more like poetry. Though, I guess a work like this could be considered both? Anyways, let's get into some specifics!
A Golden Harvest
I really enjoyed these few opening lines. It set the tone, and I loved the references to colors and the sun and shooting stars which are all beautiful things to be compared to. Love this!
I also really enjoyed these closing lines! It sounded so poetic and was the perfect way to end the story. Lovely job with this!
Wilted Leaves and Crisp Critiques
I would've liked a bit more context, because I may be interpreting this a bit differently than intended. Either way, though, there were no grammar corrections or anything, so well done!
Cozy Conclusion
I think this poem is about admiration for another person, but not being able to have them because you're scared that you wouldn't be compatible. I could be completely off, so I apologize if I am. This was a fun read, and I can't wait to read more of your work in the future. Have a lovely day, keep writing, and happy RevMo!
Hi RavenNun, AnotherCrowInRow (aka Kay) is here with a quick review
!
Your short work (like you, I'm not 100% sure how to categorize this work - narrative storytelling I guess? I guess. Anyway, it's neither a short story nor a poem, so I'll stick with the term "work", OK? ) intrigued me from the beginning. Perhaps I would recommend that you: separate this part
a little from the rest of the text. It is only the author's note, but it blends with the text. Maybe try to put it in bold or a little above the text to make it clear that it is something separate. It's not a big problem: I just noticed it, so I thought that maybe a different solution would be a little better.
I also noticed that the very first sentence is indented differently than the rest of the text. In different works, one often comes across different indentation of the text...but here I found it a bit unnecessary and it also distracts the reader (this is the moment when the author's note merges with the work itself).
So! Enough talking about formatting - after all, it's about the work itself, isn't it?
I like how even after reading we don't have any answers: all we know is that the narrator, whom we don't know and only know little bits of information about, is describing the girl he has a crush on. I really like how the whole work is interwoven with descriptions of nature and various natural elements. I really liked these parts for example:
At this point, we finally understood the name of work! Or at least a one interpretation of name.
All in all, it's a pretty nice job. Maybe I would advise you to pay attention to the formatting, but otherwise everything is fine. The work was interesting and one has to read between the lines to understand what it is about (which I personally am a big fan of).
Have a nice rest of the day/night/whatever and stay safe
Hello! This piece is simple and interesting to read. I also like the relations between nature and the girl you wrote about. Glad I could read it