Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » Dramatic

E - Everyone

​A Pack of Wolves Serenades a Cloudy Sky

by RavenLord


The Old Woman throws a cloak

Over the woods.

The girl looks up,

Shivers and buries her face

Deep in the folds of her ragged coat

As she fights the song of sleep.

Another song joins the first,

Many voices at once rejoicing

The fall of the cloak.

The girl mimics the melody,

A newborn kitten's broken mewl

Mixing with the eager alto

Of the wolves’ hunt.

She drowses even as she sings

And the music meets the air

Intertwined.

Dreams meet blood,

And slowly one becomes the other.


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
40 Reviews


Points: 82
Reviews: 40

Donate
Fri Sep 04, 2020 7:04 am
Buranko wrote a review...



Hello there fellow writer.
I really love your poem. It gives me the impression of an apocalyptic environment, for some reasons. It's nice how short a poem can be but act as the root for so many new ideas and feelings. My favorite part in your poem is "a newborn kitten's broken mewl". It brings an extra feel of innocence in this dark world you created.
What I dont like, it's more of a personal preference, is the repetition of the article "the". I think that if you try to avoid overusing it and replace it with another word or short phrase it would make your poems so much better.
But this is a nice poem and I really want to see what other worlds you can come up with. I love world building in poems because besides that vivid description of it, like in a narrative work, you also get a little more insight in the artist's heart and mind




RavenLord says...


Thank you for the review, Buranko! I guess I have a pretty dark heart and mind, but I suppose I knew that already XD
Happy RevMo!



Buranko says...


Truly the raven lord



User avatar
51 Reviews


Points: 68
Reviews: 51

Donate
Thu Sep 03, 2020 10:48 am
LadyGemstone wrote a review...



This is Gem climbing out of her fairy garden for a review!

I am awed by this poem. Your word choice as well as your grammar and flow are amazing. I am never disappointed by word choice with unexpected phrases like 'dreams meet blood'. The imagery you captured in your poem is amazing. I don't see any flaws and though fullstops can be offputting sometimes they are a style choice. They flow well with this peice. I love this poem, and I think you did wonderfully. I hope this is helpful! If you expanded further on the base of this poem I feel like it could sit heavier with the readers. As it is now it is great, but it feels simple. I can't tell whether or not the words, while they are beautiful, have a true meaning.

This is Gem skipping on to the next review. Keep writing! Much love. <33333333




RavenLord says...


Thanks for the review!



LadyGemstone says...


You are ALWAYS welcome. <3



User avatar
52 Reviews


Points: 30
Reviews: 52

Donate
Thu Sep 03, 2020 7:01 am
ToxicAnglerFish wrote a review...



Hello! I've came to review your poem! I really love the theming of this!

I really love how simplistic, detailed, and well written this is! I really love how you chose descriptive yet words to describe the themes of sleeping as music for its metaphors and how you can paint a picture in your head of what's going on.

"Deep in the folds of her ragged coat", "song of sleep", "Another melody joins in", etc. These metaphors really add a lot to the story and really give the poem a mystical, fairytale like feeling to the story. I also like how the story gets progressively darker as the girl goes from ignoring the songs to singing along and becomes the kitten hunted by the wolf and is eventually killed. Its like its own contained short story with a great start, good flow and tone in the middle, and a very dark but lovely ending! I really loved this poem its very nice and so well done for it being short and simple but dark!




RavenLord says...


Hi, thanks for your review! Don't worry---the girl isn't dead. The last line alludes to the wolves dreaming about their kill and the little girl having a nightmare.



User avatar
1198 Reviews


Points: 8897
Reviews: 1198

Donate
Thu Sep 03, 2020 2:50 am
Elinor wrote a review...



Hey RavenLord!

Happy RevMo! Thank you for sharing your poem on YWS. I'm Elinor, and thought I would drop by to give you a quick review. I enjoyed the imagery that you put forth in this poem, and I'm curious as to what your inspirations for writing it were.

It made me think of the type of fantasy story that you'd tell around a campfire, and I thought the poem itself had a nice rhythm and flow. The one thing I hoped is that you'd been paint more of a picture of us. I want you to tell me what it's like to feel, hear and smell this place and the wolves. I was also curious to know who the old woman was, and how she related to the wolves.

I hope this helps! Great job, keep writing, and don't hesitate to reach out if you have any questions.

Best,
Elinor




RavenLord says...


Hi, Elinor! Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked it. The poem and several others like it are all based on the style of Craig Paulenich, who's one of my favorite poets. He's not very well known, but I've met him a few times and have a couple of his books. His Goat Man poems have been a big inspiration.
The Old Woman (not to tell people how to see the poem or anything) is sort of my interpretation of a harsh Mother Nature character. She could be interpreted as other things, of course, none of which are really wrong. As for your critique, there's a deliberate vagueness in this because the little girl is still getting to know this environment. I'll see what I can do about the imagery for the setting, though.
Thank you again for the review!




Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
— Euripides