A few quick notes on this.
The oriental woman that offered to help them with Ivy sat legs crossed on the counter.
So first: steer clear of "oriental." It would be better to just decide on a country of origin for this woman. Chinese? Japanese? Korean? Better to pick one and describe her that way than "oriental," which is outdated at best and offensive at worst. Additionally, you have to remember that Asia is a big continent and the people from the Orient aren't a single culture. There are differences between each one. If for some reason you feel weird about naming her place of origin in the story, name her! Names don't always point to country of origin - I knew an Austrian boy named Kevin, which is not exactly a well-known old-fashioned Austrian name - but giving her a name can help if you first nail down a country of origin and search popular names for that country.
Okay, moving on.
Sebastian kissed his teeth.
I'm not at all sure what you meant here. Kissing anyone's teeth is weird, but kissing your own teeth is downright impossible. I don't know what you were trying to get across.
Then, even though he speaks immediately after that line, later on in the story (like, way later, after he's been talking for a while), we get this.
Sebastian scoffed. “I doubt that.” He touched his lips in shock. He could speak!
Have his former lines actually been written down? Have they been using telepathy? It sounds from this line like his lips were sewn shut magically or something, but...he's been talking, so I'm again not sure what you mean.
Finally, I thought it was funny at the end that Mya asks the woman who and what she is and why she's helping them, when from the line that introduced her it sounded like Mya and Sebastian had been working with her for a while now. I am intrigued by her, though - she didn't kill Ivy, which Sebastian of course has good reason to believe is a mistake, but then she seems confident that Ivy won't attempt anything else...because if she does, this woman will somehow make her wish she'd never bothered with Gardens of Eden. Ivy's already been through so much (as Sebastian points out) that I'm curious to see what this woman thinks she could do to Ivy to make her stay away.
Points: 91980
Reviews: 1735
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