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16+ Language Violence

The Forsaken Race - The Hidden Truth: Chapter 19

by RavenAkuma


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

              

Chapter 19 - Seyber

                 

                    

The time was around noon, and Kita was updating her makeshift calendar by scratching another line in the wall beneath the window. She was still unhappy about the changes from Sybilius to the Dead Beach.

Survival was relatively simple. She never had an appetite, but when she worked up the nerve to eat, she managed by asking for fruit or -the less desired option- forming a meal from a stray crab. Fire and fresh water were even easier to come by, thanks to the demons' magic.

However, Kita was still troubled. She couldn't stop thinking about the problems that sent her here.

She still had unexplainable episodes, even though they were smaller. On the rare occasion she slept, she would wake up to a harsh hiss, then spend the rest of the night watching shadowy silhouettes shift and teleport across her room. These ghostly appearances weren't as bad as when she set off on this journey, though; they were obnoxious, but not scary. The biggest downside was that she felt no closer to an answer. The demons wouldn't share information with her, and did the bare minimum to study her circumstances. For the most part, she simply remained a prisoner in the shack.

For today, despite the risk, Kita wanted to try making a change in productivity.

Sitting on the sheet of plant fibers, she was writing on a yellowed piece of paper. Thankfully, when she had asked Scorch for a pen and some paper for writing notes, the weak-willed demon wasn't suspicious enough to deny her.

When Kita finished her next page, she rolled it up, secured it with a bit of fiber from the sheet, and wrote a name on the outside of it.

'For Queen Corelia.'

Kita held the paper close. "I don't know how this will go. However, I'm going to be here for a while, so she's likely to find out I'm missing anyway. She can't do anything to stop me, and if things do go wrong, it'd help to have someone ready to help."

"I'll say," Stud muttered, sitting nearby.

Kita looked determined. "Now comes the really tricky part, though."

"What?" Asked Stud.

"I need to deliver this note. That's where you come in."

Stud cocked his head.

Kita gestured for him to follow, then moved to the door. She very slowly and carefully opened it, but only enough to see through. Thankfully, no one was outside. If they saw her trying to leave on her own, she would be in trouble.

"Do you see the portal?" Asked Kita.

"Yeah," Stud replied.

"You can hide behind one of those rocks, there," Kita explained. "You'll blend in with the sand, so you'll be hard to see."

"Wait," Stud argued. "You want me to get that close to them? I can't!"

"It's okay," Kita explained. "The demons still keep a sharp eye on me, but they don't care about you. Just don't let them see the note, and you'll be okay."

Stud visibly shuddered.

"When you hear that somebody's going to the Blood Forest, wait for them to go, then jump in before the portal closes. There should be some thick plants directly on the other side, so you can hide. Once the coast is clear, run across the stream and-"

"Nope, nope, nope," Stud interfered. "It's too risky! You'll end up getting torn to shreds by angry demons, and I'll be swallowed like a morsel!"

"Please, Stud?" Asked Kita. "I wouldn't ask if it weren't important."

"Nu-uh!" Stud argued, shaking his head. "You can find another way!"

Kita sighed as she closed the door. "I tried. I didn't want to use you, but I don't know what else to do. I'm just as scared, you know."

Stud seemed hesitant to respond. A moment later, though, the dog's ears pricked. He scurried to the back corner, cowering behind Kita. She was confused until someone knocked on the door. She quickly hid the note under the sheet.

"C-Come in," Kita stammered.

The door 'clicked' and creaked open. To her relief, it was only Seyber. The lavender-haired girl carefully stepped inside.

"Hello, mortal!" She spoke. "I'm just making sure you're still alive and well."

Kita shrugged her shoulders. "Still here, I guess."

As Seyber looked around, she appeared more concerned.

"Well..." Seyber cleared her throat. "Is there something wrong?"

Kita then realized how bad she must've looked. She had a ghastly appearance from not sleeping, and was too bothered to force even the smallest smile.

Kita managed a nervous laugh, "I'm fine. I just don't get much sleep, that's all."

"Sorry about that," Seyber replied. "If there's anything we can help with, feel free to ask. I know most of us seem harsh, but we're not heartless."

Kita thought to herself, It's ironic that she's so friendly. I wasn't expecting it from anything demonic...

Before Seyber could leave, Kita spoke to her, "Seyber? I heard you're the apprentice of Thundur, who's the spirit-walker. That's someone who deals in spirituality, mind, and things like that. Right?"

"That's the simplified version," Seyber responded.

"Then, do you know..." Kita hesitated. "Is there something you may have learned about, out here, that could cause someone to be almost completely unable to sleep?"

Seyber looked anxious, but spoke calmly, "Sounds rough. However, I don't think I can help."

Kita grunted. "Well, thanks anyway."

"Have you tried sleep aids?" Asked Seyber. "We have some of that."

"I've tried all kinds of medicines and remedies," Kita insisted. "Nothing works, and half the problem is that I can't sleep, which I bet is making them worse. It's a vicious cycle, and no offense, but I don't think you understand how it affects mortals."

Seyber looked sad. "Maybe not, but I'm sure it's horrible. Demons do function very differently from your kind, but we still need sleep. If it takes a toll on us, it must be even worse for you. I'm sorry I can't help you directly. I wish I could."

Kita just shrugged her shoulders. "It's okay."

"You know..." Seyber glanced at the door. "I was about to go on a little mission. If you came with me, it may just clear your head. I think a break and some fresh air could help, even a little."

Kita looked around the shack. While she normally would have the instinct to stay and hide in her dwellings, this place offered an unusual feeling for her. The urge to get out.

Kita hesitantly answered, "I guess it couldn't hurt. Is anyone else coming?"

Seyber smiled. "Nope, it's just us. Come on!"

As Seyber turned and headed off, Kita was not hesitant to follow. Out on the beach, the pale sand seemed to glow as it reflected the sunlight, which was partially obscured by some clouds.

There were two demons by the portal in the sand. They were Thundur and Timbur, which made Kita less happy. They were the ones that hated her most; Thundur was usually limited to harsh words and threatening glares, but Timbur was an especially resentful type, and he would draw his weapon or claws frequently.

The short man's lip curled, revealing his fangs. "Great. The vermin crawled out of its hole."

Kita awkwardly waved and smiled, unsure how to respond to that.

Thundur looked suspicious, then pulled Seyber aside. They started speaking in what Kita assumed was their native language. All she could tell was that Seyber was using a more empathetic tone, and Thundur was a bit suspicious. While they talked, Kita felt intimidated by Timbur's murderous glare, and tried to keep her distance.

Eventually, Thundur spoke sharply in Northern, "No. It's a risk to our tribe and our informants' tribes. Leiytning and I will determine what missions she's allowed to join. In the meantime, she stays here."

Kita gulped nervously, while Seyber didn't respond. Thundur glared over them both, before turning and heading back into the fortress.

"Timbur, don't you think she's being too harsh?" Asked Seyber. "I mean, she is just-"

"Don't start," Timbur retorted. "I'd dare call that behavior kind, compared to what this pitiful thing deserves..." He spat at Kita's feet. "Watch yourself, you useless waste of maggot-flesh, and do not take the twins' generosity for granted."

Kita just nodded. "Yes, sir."

Sneering, Timbur stormed back into the fortress. Kita was happy to see him go.

Kita sighed, "Thanks for trying to include me, Seyber. I'll just go back to the shack."

Just as Kita turned to leave, Seyber grabbed her arm gently.

"Hold on," she replied. "I said I'd let you out of that cabin for a while, and I think I should keep my promise."

Kita blinked hard. "Really?"

"Sure! It's better than waiting for them to pick a 'mission' that will keep you even more on edge, only to be dumped in that shack afterward. This quick trip can be our little secret, and if anyone gets mad, I'll just call it the medic's treatment option. Besides..." Seyber winked. "I don't think you'll be a threat to anybody's tribe."

Immediately, Kita felt a deep-seated spark. This kind of friendship and kindness was so unusual, almost completely foreign, that it vaguely reminded her of the two friends she had left behind. Kita hated the idea of getting too close to a literal demon, but she was able to summon a real smile at the thought.

"Thank you, Seyber," Kita spoke.

Seyber nodded. "No problem."

Seyber used a simple magic charm to open the portal -the Zyrean Emblem burnt into the ground. The sand beneath disappeared, pushing further to the edges of the emblem until the pit of dark fog was all that remained. Following Seyber's instructions, Kita took a deep breath and jumped into the hole.

It only lasted about ten seconds at most, but it still made her nauseous and dizzy. She had to swallow the bile rising in her throat.

"I really need to get used to this," she mumbled.

Finally, she crash-landed into an unfamiliar area. Her fall was hardly broken by thin, brittle grass and dusty earth.

As Kita looked around, she saw nothing but a foggy marshland. Random islets of swampy grass stuck out of a sea of mud. She was on one of the islets now, where the open portal was right behind her. Even the air was gross; the fog was thick, and the humidity was overwhelming.

As Seyber made it through, next to her, the portal closed behind them. She took a moment to let Kita recollect herself and get back up. Afterward, she gestured for her to follow, heading through the marshland without a problem. They seemed to be taking a narrow path; a ridge connecting the islets.

Eventually, Seyber spoke again, "You know, Thundur says we can't trust you, but I think you're safe. You've been here for a few days and haven't tried anything, and I heard that you were guided by our emblem. That has to mean something good! So, I'll tell you some things you may not hear otherwise, but you didn't hear them from me. Okay?"

Kita nodded. "Okay, I won't tell."

"Great. To start, this is another land that belongs to us. It's called the Sorrowful Moors."

"Charming name," Kita muttered. "What do you need, here?"

"We're going to the very edge of this territory," Seyber answered. "The moors lead right into a lake, where the Draut live."

Kita arched one brow. "What's a Draut?"

"A one-off waterborne tribe," Seyber replied. "They live at the bottom of the lake. Not very friendly, but we managed to snag an informant."

"Then, they're aggressive?" Kita asked again. "Save for that informant? Are they very strong? Also, how does anybody live at the bottom of a lake?"

"You sure have a lot of questions," Seyber remarked.

Kita blushed. "I'm sorry. I have too many unanswered questions already, now you're giving me more to work through."

"That's alright. You'll probably learn a lot through experience, honestly, but what kind of unanswered questions are on your mind?"

"A bit of everything," said Kita. "Questions about Kodin, this war between our tribes, the kinds of creatures that are out here, even the other demons."

"Ah..." Seyber paused to think. "You mentioned Kodin, but there's not a lot to say about him. He came intending to steal information for Corelia. As he learned more, and became more curious in the world outside Sybilius, we broke that habit and made him an ally. Later on, he died in the Blood Forest, nearly decapitated and left by the stream. The twins were angry, but Corelia was downright furious; even after he aided in her near-death injury, she wanted to defend him. That speaks to how unstable she is, huh?"

Kita struggled not to reflect sadness. "Yeah. Did you get to know Kodin at all? Did anything sound similar to my situation?"

"Well, no," Seyber replied. "Kodin liked to keep personal matters to himself, and he was very independent. He was barely anything like you, either, in character or circumstance."

"Okay," Kita murmured. "What about the war?"

Seyber cringed. "I'd rather not get too deep into that subject. I can tell you about the kind of things you'll see out here, though."

"That'd help," Kita agreed.

"We have five territories that are our own," Seyber explained. "There are a couple of uninhabited ones we keep an eye on as well, usually for strategic purposes. You won't have to worry about the beach getting problems, but everywhere else will get beast intruders. Some more than others, and the type varies. The nasty invertebrates you see in the cavern, for example, are obviously different from the giant boars and lycanthropes you may spot in the woods and meadow."

"I see," Kita murmured.

Seyber continued, "You don't have to worry much about other people. Apart from Aubades in the Blood Forest, there's just an orc tribe near the meadow that will stir up trouble, but they're not hard to beat."

"Good to know," Kita remarked. "Then, what about your siblings? It seems like you're the only friendly one I've met. I've thought about talking to them more, but I don't know how to approach them."

Seyber seemed unsure. "Honestly, I doubt they'll be talking to you anytime soon, for obvious reasons. I'll fill you in, but I do have my limits. I'm sorry, but there are some things even I'm not willing to share."

"No worries, I understand," said Kita.

Seyber was about to speak more, but then bit her tongue. The mud was becoming more watery, and the islets became scarcer.

Not much later, the muddy water expanded, leading into a large lake. The fog made it seem as if it stretched on for miles, while the water itself was dark and clouded by murk. No creature was in sight, though. There was nothing but the faint rippling of the water's surface.

Although, soon enough, that rippling became more intense.

'WOOSH!'

The sound of droplets pelting the bank, followed by something hitting the land made Kita flinch. She looked around, but had to hide her shuddering when she saw the source.

It was another strange person -a young lady- with webbed fingers, webbed feet, and gray feather-like fins sprouting from her back. She had sleek, almost slimy pale skin and round black eyes. Five gills were on her thick neck. She had a white mohawk, and her partly-gaped mouth had short, pointed teeth.

Her bleak black eyes reflected confusion. Despite her savage appearance, her voice was sweet as she spoke.

"Are you the one Lady Thundur sent?"

Seyber took a deep breath. "Yes. Gods, you startled me."

The Draut took one step forward, but then immediately stepped back.

"What in the name of gods?" The lady yelped. "Why is there a sylph with you? Why would your leaders, the most famous sylph-killers out there, allow that?"

Kita gulped nervously.

"That's a long story," Seyber answered. "You can just ignore her, and I'll pay you a little extra to not let my siblings know she was here."

"Hm..." The Draut hesitantly muttered, "As long as I'm getting paid, I guess."

"Okay," Seyber replied. "Just to clarify, are you the one they call 'Thresher'?"

The Draut nodded. "Yup!"

In a flash of dark smoke, some gold and three emeralds manifested in Seyber's hand. The moment she extended them, Thresher took them, looking through them like a happy child. Kita was confused about where the gold came from, but didn't ask.

"Alright!" Thresher cheered. "This is plenty."

"Well, that is your first payment," Seyber remarked. "May as well be generous about it. Thresher, you know what you're supposed to do, right? You know what it means to become one of our informants?"

"I got the gist," said Thresher. "I tell you about anything new or suspicious I find, then you pay me for it."

"Well, we may also ask you to complete small missions," Seyber explained. "Sometimes, that'll involve you working with others. In turn, on top of getting paid, we'll try to help if you or your tribe get in trouble. Now, we tend to be careful with newcomers, so we'll probably keep it small for now. Likewise, we'll try to keep a lot of people anonymous, but you'll catch on soon enough. Probably after another talk with Thundur."

"Got it," Thresher replied.

Seyber's ice-blue eyes narrowed. "Of course, if you're caught working against us at any time, you'll be in deep trouble. That usually warrants a talk with Leiytning, instead, and you don't want that."

"Don't have to tell me twice," Thresher agreed. "After all, everyone knows about the infamous demon king, by one name or another."

"Right..." Seyber sighed, "That's it for now. Keep an eye out, and try to communicate with us. Do you know how to write in a language that's not Northern?"

"Nope," Thresher replied. "I've just been using symbols and drawings to signal meetings."

"I guess that works for now," Seyber murmured. "Try to see what you can learn, though, and check with the twins if we'll understand it. Clear communication is important."

Thresher nodded. "Noted. Until then, goodbye!"

Just as suddenly as she came, Thresher leaped into the water and disappeared below the surface. The water lay eerily calm after just a few seconds. Meanwhile, Seyber began heading back the way they came.

Eventually, she murmured, "It's good to know we're getting more help. Mortal, you'll probably want to make note of what I told her. This is what usually happens when we hire help."

"Good to know," Kita agreed.

"Anyway, before we met with Thresher, you were asking a question"

"I have one word to start you off."

"What?"

"Timbur."

Seyber giggled, "I had a feeling you would bring that up."

"He keeps threatening me!" Kita exclaimed.

Seyber just gave a dismissive gesture. "That's how he is with everyone. He has no grudge against you, specifically, but he does have a grudge against our main enemy. Unfortunately, you happen to be the same species. He also gets very defensive over his 'master,' which brings me to something else. Even if he gets on your nerves, you should always show him respect. Timbur is the Zyrean Beta, and that's nothing to sneer at."

"Beta?" Kita repeated. "Third-in-command, right?"

"That's right. He's the only heir to the leader's position, as Leiytning's chosen apprentice. Unsurprisingly, he's always found great potential in him."

Kita mentally sneered, What potential, a potential murderer?

Seyber continued, "Once you settle in, Jem, Zin, and Scorch are all fun to be around. Although, they can also get a little obnoxious. Especially Zin, he's the mischievous one. Jem's a little more skeptical of newcomers, but she's fun and cheeky, and she's one of those friends good at keeping you on track. Lastly, Scorch is just a softie with a deceptive appearance. He's always up to doing something, as long as he's with somebody; he just hates being alone."

"That's nice," said Kita. "Now for the twins, right? Thundur seems to be very suspicious of me."

Seyber shook her head. "Thundur's a complicated person, let's leave it at that."

"Then what's Leiytning's problem?" Asked Kita.

Seyber furrowed her brow. "What do you mean 'his problem'?"

Kita hesitated. "Sorry, that came out harsher than intended. It's just that I can never predict what he's going to say or do, especially when it comes to me. Truth be told, he scares the life out of me."

For once, Seyber looked irritated. "Leiytning's the one you should be thanking! He and I are the ones helping you."

Kita flinched. "Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just read his behavior as hating me."

Seyber crossed her arms. "I know, I know. They've been around a long time, and for a lot of reasons, they manifest demeanors that can easily be mistaken for something malicious. That's not always the case, though, and gods know the rumors don't help. The point is that you should try to have some faith in them. Okay?"

Kita forced a smile, barely managing to speak, "I will."


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Stickied -- Mon Jan 15, 2024 10:01 pm
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RavenAkuma says...



I hope you enjoyed this bonus chapter!

If you're thinking of reviewing (or you can tell me real quick in a comment, if you don't want to make a whole review), I would like to know something.

This chapter was meant to elaborate on Seyber's character, obviously, and also use her as a means of filling Kita (and by extension, the reader) in on information that the other demons would be unwilling to share. However, in doing so, I keep thinking I may have done an "info dump" and included too much.

Does this chapter seem "cluttered" to you? Do you think some of this information could be brought up elsewhere, or does it not seem to fit in? I would very much appreciate what you have to say!




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Sun Mar 24, 2024 7:44 am
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dragonight9 wrote a review...



Hi Raven, I'm trying out some reviewing codes I've found along with a new format. I'll probably improve/change this in the future but we'll see how it turns out.

[wordart=red+black]That upon which the dragon's eyes fixed[/wordart]
(As I'm reading through)

I was grateful for an update for how her 'illness' has been effecting Kita since living in the shack.

I can't help but feel that Kita is very foolish for even attempting to contact Queen Corelia in any way. Then again, you've done a good job of showing her poor planning and understanding of the situation she's in.

I'm so glad to see more of Seyber. She seems like the greatest ally (and potential friend) Kita has. Though I have an inkling the secrets she's sharing and the fact that Kita may send a message to the queen so soon after their 'outing' may cause her trouble in the future. I hate seeing kindness repaid this way, but that's often how it goes.

I love the pacing in regards to how you are introducing new elements to the world. And getting to see one of those elements (the Draut) in more detail added even more to the realism of everything we learn in this chapter. I loved your description of the informant by the way. It was a great reversal of expectations while also keeping it's realism.

Oh, I loved learning more about Timbur and his role in the power structure. I hope Scorch becomes Kita's next ally. I still love the character a lot.

I also like how Leiytning is described here. In my opinion, it is good for a leader to have a more exaggerated reputation so long as they use it well and are more softhearted in reality.


I'm so glad Kita is beginning to see things from another point of view. I feel like the trust between her and Leiytning will continue to be a big plot point as we go on.

[wordart=red+orange]Some loose scales[/wordart]
(Corrections)

It seemed like Kita had a certain note with her when Seyber walked in. You never mentioned what she did with it, and if she simply kept it on her I would have expected Kita to at least act a bit nervous about someone discovering it.

This line:

Kita mentally sneered, What potential, a potential murderer?

I felt like this was a bit out of character for Kita. She may sneer at herself but it doesn't seem like she would do that to another person. Plus she knows that their peoples dislike each other, so thinking of him as a murderer seems a bit much.

As their wings soared over all the story
(Overall thoughts)

This could have easily felt like a bit of info-dumping but you spaced it out well and I felt like someone being let in on a secret just as much as Kita. So great job there!

This chapter did a great job expanding the world and showing us the developing friendship between Kita and Seyber.

[wordart=red+yellow]Final wisdom of the scaled one[/wordart]
(Last thoughts)

It is easy as a reader to forget that the characters don't always see what you see or know what you know. At times I want Kita to just 'get it' and trust Leiytning. But on the other hand I enjoy the tension this creates and it makes sense from her point of view not to trust him so readily.


I hope the codes worked and that you enjoyed the new format. (any tips on how to improve it are welcome but don't feel like you have to)

Have a wonderful day/night.




dragonight9 says...


Seems I've got more testing to do.
Dragon
Dragon



RavenAkuma says...


Welcome back! I see what you mean about that remark with Timbur, I think that was my attempt at humor (even I don't know at this point XD). I am also glad that you're taking a liking to Timbur's character; on past platforms, he was my most hated, and he quickly became the most misunderstood character in the story. Anyway, rambling aside...Thanks for another great review, much appreciated :)

Also, I see the format you were going for, and it sounds awesome! I didn't even know you could do that wordart formatting on YWS ~



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Mon Mar 04, 2024 4:15 pm
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keeperofgaming wrote a review...



First impressions:
Nice, Seyber is such a nice person. She is harsh but kind and understanding, I like how she makes an attempt to befriend Kita. This chapter definitely gave us an assortment of information, and also allowed us more on both Seyber and Leiytning. The chapter also sort of cemented the Sylphs as a sort of universal conqueror that doesn't even realize what it's doing.

Characters:
Seyber- Her blunt kindness and mischievousness allows Kita to somewhat see how the demons all care for each other. She also shows that she fully respects Leiytning and will stand for him. Her talking also reveals that both her and Leiytning genuinely want to help, proving Thundur's conclusions right. Her defense of the hierarchy also shows that she genuinely things that Timbur is a good guy, just cautious of Kita. She also gives us a perfect explanation of each of her siblings, showing her attentiveness. Given her harshness with Thresher, it also shows that she is willing to be threatening in order to defend her siblings. Her getting annoyed on behalf of Leiytning only emphasized this point as she caused Kita to get flustered, but she simultaneously admitted that Leiytning does come off threatening to those not used to him.

Kita- Her questionative nature is shown fully in this chapter. She decides to learn as much as she can about the beings that hold her. She also begins to understand that the demons aren't an absolute evil. Plus, her wanting to assure Corelia she is okay is adorable. She is so kindhearted and wants to genuinely help. Her eagerness to learn more is obvious here because of that. This chapter also shows how she has begun to trust the demons more, in that she was blunt about both Timbur and Leiytning, but it also shows that she still has a ways to go as she didn't recognize Leiytning as trying to help. I also like how she attempted to clarify, showing that she somewhat cares about Seyber and doesn't want to alienate her.

Overall:
Really fun read, I enjoyed it.




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Tue Jan 16, 2024 11:26 pm
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PKMichelle wrote a review...



Hello friend!
I saw your work in the Green Room and figured I’d check it out.


Per my interpretation, this was a wonderful chapter! It provided a lot of information that I imagine will come in handy at some point in the future and gave a rarely seen character a moment in the spotlight.

Kita wants to send a note to Corelia so that she can help her if she needs it, but Stud convinces her it's a bad idea. Right after, Seyber comes in to ask Kita if she needs anything, offering to help her in any way she can. Unfortunately, the one thing she can't help with is her sleeping problems. So instead, Seyber decides to take Kita on a mission, only after they get past Thundur and Timbur, and gives her a bunch of useful information on the demons and everything related to them.

An awesome plot with lots of awesome details!


If I could offer any sort of advice, I wouldn't! This was a great chapter, and I didn't notice anything wrong grammatically. So, I would like to use this section to answer the questions you left in the comments.

Does this chapter seem "cluttered" to you? Do you think some of this information could be brought up elsewhere, or does it not seem to fit in?


I don't think this chapter seems "clustered" at all. Everything seems to make sense in the grand scheme of this chapter.

What I mean by this is that while there was a lot of information in here and it was sort of "info dumpy," it's understandable given the nature of this chapter.

What I mean by that is that it's just two people talking, and when people talk, a lot of information can come out. Not to mention the fact that they were on a mission, and Kita also learned something there as well.

This chapter also not only helped show Seyber's character like you intended, but also showed why some of the other characters are the way they are. All while providing information that I imagine will be useful in future chapters.

Basically, I think what you did here is perfectly fine and fits in great, and I wouldn't change it at all!


If I had to pick my favorite part, it would definitely be the way you showed the kind of character Seyber is throughout the chapter! You did a great job showing how empathetic she can be and how thoughtful she is as well, despite the fact that she's a demon.

One example of this that really caught my eye was when Seyber first entered the scene and asked if Kita was okay upon seeing her.

"Well..." Seyber cleared her throat. "Is there something wrong?"


This was almost completely unprompted, but nonetheless, Seyber asked based solely on how Kita looked, showing that Seyber cares enough to take note of Kita and how she presents. Which is quite remarkable considering how much the other demons simply don't care and completely disregard everything about her.

This is the first time Seyber pops up in this chapter, and it's also the first we see of her kindheartedness, which I thought was really well done, so kudos to you for that!

Another thing that stood out to me in regards to Seyber's character happened when Kita and Seyber were talking about Leiytning. Even though Seyber was a little upset and somewhat offended by what Kita said, she was still calm and understanding, saying,

Seyber crossed her arms. "I know, I know. They've been around a long time, and for a lot of reasons, they manifest demeanors that can easily be mistaken for something malicious..."


This happened at the end of the chapter, and I think this was a terrific way to end it! The chapter finishes by showing that Seyber is a lot less hot-headed than her siblings and is much more validating as well. She's able to recognize that Kita was asking a lighthearted question and wasn't attacking them in any way, which isn't how the other demons would take it. Which makes this, once again, a great show of her character and how passive she is. So good job with that!

You did phenomenal work in showing how Seyber behaves and reacts to certain things much differently than her siblings and that she is her own distinct character, despite being another one of the demons. Great job!


Overall, this was a superb chapter! There's nothing that I would change at all, and I genuinely enjoyed reading! You did an outstanding job with this, and I cannot wait for the next chapter!

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!




RavenAkuma says...


Great to know! Thanks for answering that question, it's a relief to hear that everything came out right. And that Seyber's sending all the right signals, lol.

Thanks for taking the time to read and review, much appreciated! :)




To have more, you have to become more. Don't wish it was easier - wish you were better. For things to change, you have to change, and for things to get better, you have to get better.
— Jim Rohn