Published August 4, 2006
If you could sprout wings
And fly away,
As free as a bird,
Over the mountains,
Would you?
If you could soar over a lake,
Up to the trees,
Dance with the clouds,
Would you?
If you could laugh with the rain,
Paint the sunrise,
Walk on the stars,
Would you?
No, I would take you with me.
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141,293 Literary Works • 674,334 Reviews
For some reason, I really really liked this. As yoha said, it is cliched, but it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I would spruce it up with some metaphors and similies as Rei said (gosh, everyone beats me!) lol.
anyone can write this? no one has before, so I did.
Way too cliched. Anyone can write this. Sorry to sound so harsh. I started out like that too, but you'll learn and get better.
Anyways, welcome to the YWS! Hope you like it here.
It's a nice first draft, with a lovely tone. It needs more, though. It could use some metephores and maybe some similes, and lots of pretty images.