The hooded figure gave her an eerie smile, tilting its head to the side with a creak. It took a step forward, seemingly painful for the individual, white ethereal wisps of shadow seem to evaporate off its dark hooded cloak. As it reached the confused girl, it soundlessly dangled a rusty pocket watch swinging from a golden chain.
TICK
TICK
TICK
TICK
The sound of the minute hand filled the ominous air unusually loud, ricocheting off hollow trees and echoing around the pair in an austere grainy way. Gravelly and grainy, as if muffled by something, it started to speak in a cryptic tone.
"Tick Tock, it's twelve o'clock, you're late for an important date. You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you now?"
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,856 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well, this is giving off some properly creepy vibes right in the first couple of lines here in this prologue and I am already loving it. Stuff like this always manages to get me hooked at any rate and well, we've got a very good sense of just general horror in this opening scene here. The description just reeks of horror with the hood and the ethereal wispiness coupling with a random golden chain there and a rusty watch. Just the perfect ingredients for an awesome start here to this thing. The "TICK TICK" that follows adds a lovely bit of extended tension there too before the next part.
Well that was the most creepy description I've seen for the ticking of a minute hand there. Very ominous signs there as that happens there. Overall, this certainly enhances the overall vibe of this prologue really well here. And well that last part with that little bit of rhyme accidental or otherwise just cements that something quite dangerous is about to happen here and ends things on a veryy mysterious note there.
On the whole this a pretty solid little prologue here, it manages to do quite a bit despite how small it is and this does seem like a story that I would read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hello, Ravaien.
When I first saw the title, it reminded me of Alice in Wonderland but oddly enough, the clock ticking and all did remind of me of it. I really like the imagery and description in the prologue. Even though it's short, the story caught my eye.
There prologue climaxed at the part:
Which creates suspicion, at least, that's what I see in my eyes.
Other than that, keep up the good work! I can't wait to read more of this story. I can tell it's interesting c:
-K
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
Hey. TaciturnPhantom here to review your chapter.
The title of your novel caught my attention, and although it's a very short prologue, I found myself enraptured in that small space of time. Your descriptions and imagery are very elegant and there is enough to build an image of the actions of the characters in my mind.
Another aspect I like is that you've not described the surroundings of the hooded figure and the girl, which has left me to fill in the details myself and asking questions such as where are they? and who are they?
Now for the nitpicks.
I feel as if this sentence could be broken up as it's very long. In my opinion, I believe that the comma after "individual" is unnecessary and interrupts the flow of the story, and could be replaced with a full stop instead. Also, you use "seemingly" and "seem" in one sentence which sounds monotonous and I would suggest using a synonym for "seem" instead. However, these are just my suggestions. You are the author of your novel, not me! One final aspect in this sentence: you have written the prologue in past tense, however, the word "seem" is present tense.
I don't know if this counts as a nitpick, but is the capital T in "tock" deliberate or unnecessary?
Overall, I enjoyed reading the prologue. I feel that it will lead on to a very intriguing and promising story with a lot of potential. The prologue has left me with lots of unanswered questions, and I want to read on and find out more about the hooded figure and the girl. I hope to read more of your novel.
Hello, my friend.
First, although this is short, I feel like a very promising story could be made from this shell.
Second, I do not know if this is a prologue, a short snip-it, or a chapter. If this is a prologue, you did a very good job of grabbing the readers attention. However, you need to beef up your writing. Where are they? Who is this girl? How does she feel about this situation? If this is a short snip-it, boom. If this is a chapter, you need to work on it. It is interesting, but I just do not know enough or care enough about what is happening to continue reading. If you wrote more about this girl, it would give me reason to continue. However, you focused on the figure and what he was doing. Which is interesting, but a reader will need more than that to hone in on your work and really become involved.
Third, "The sound of the minute hand filled the ominous air unusually loud, ricocheting off hollow trees and echoing around the pair in an austere grainy way. Gravelly and grainy, as if muffled by something, it started to speak in a cryptic tone." - You placed the words 'grainy' dangerously close to one another. That is just a personal thing. But, if that is your writing style, run with it.
Overall, you have something to work with, so work with it! Show me more. I want to know about this world. I want to be invested, so make me care. Please, keep me posted about this one. Happy Writing!
Ah, is a prologue. It escaped from the title.
Actually, I'm going to post chapter one, just to give the readers an insight to the characters.