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Young Writers Society



Let Me Love You(7)

by Rascalover


Chapter 7

Isabella’s eyes bulged out of her head. What was going on? She shook him gently at first, then shook him by the shoulders as hard as she could, until finally he woke up. His eyes were blood shot, and he trembled at the sight of her. Stiff and tired Gary looked over at Isabella, who seemed frightened. She backed away a little, and took a good look at him.

“What are you doing sleeping on the bathroom floor?” Isabella asked helping him up.

“Belle, I don’t want to talk about it,” Gary replied with a arrogant attitude.

Why was he acting this way? He had just told her that he loved her and she felt the same way, so why was he becoming so mean?

He informed Isabella he was going to take a long slow walk on the beach to clear his head. She needed some time to think alone too. So she took their rental car and drove to the nearest horse stable. She rented a horse for a day and followed the trail up into the sandy terrain.

Out on the beach, Gary kicked his feet deep into the sand and stood there watching the waves crash into each other. He had finally found the woman of his dreams, so why did he feel like this? Every time they got close he felt sick, almost claustrophobic. He had never felt this way before, and it scared him. A few moments passed as he stood there in the stillness of the quiet. The sand tickled his feet as he pulled them up from brown softness.

When she was around his lungs would collapse, and his knees would give out. His heart yearned for her so much it hurt. He needed her like the flowers needed the rain. So, why was he nervous, now that she had declared she felt the same way?

***

When Isabella got home Gary was passed out on the couch. His low snores lured her in like a lullaby. She threw a blanket over him and kissed his forehead as she went upstairs to bed.

In the morning Isabella woke up beside a dozen red roses and a letter. She smiled as tears trickled down her face. He could be the sweetest guy at times. It made her heart squeeze as she thought of yesterday. He was trying to get off the hook. He didn’t want her to be mad at him. This made her attraction to him grow more and more.

Getting up and putting the flowers in a vase full of fresh cold water she took the letter and stuffed it in her pocket after reading it. She walked outside and saw Gary sitting alone on the beach. He pulled Isabella onto his lap and kissed her head as she sat beside him. She let the sand eat her feet away, and Gary’s arms wrap around her, never to let go.

“Thank you,” Isabella whispered as the sun hit her sensitive eyes.

“Anytime sunshine,” Gary said looking out at the ocean.

It was their last day there, so after their morning walk along the beach they went back to the luxurious cabin to pack up. The plane ride home was a peaceful one, which put Gary at ease. As soon as they got home, Gary had to pack for the new tour. Before he left to catch his plane to New York he whisked Isabella into his loving arms.

No words were said as he kissed her with all the passion he could muster from his toes all the way to his luscious lips. When he let go, it left Isabella speechless. She threw her arms around his waist and held them there for a while. Laying her head on his chest, she knew exactly what she was going to miss while he was away: those passionate kisses.

With out looking up she said, “I’m going to miss you.”

“I know darling, and I’ll miss you.” He brushed through her silky blonde hair and kissed the top of her head.

They pulled apart, knowing it was time for him to leave, Isabella gave him one last kiss. She walked him to the door and gulped down the lump in her throat. Her airways were beginning to tighten. She has to get him out of there before he saw her cry.

“Bye babe.” He shut the door behind him as she collapsed behind it, holding her knees in, and sobbed.

***

As the guy’s made their way around the United States entertaining millions, Destiny and Isabella were having fun shopping for the new baby to come.

“You know this would go better if you knew the baby’s gender.” Isabella smirked as she looked through all the pretty dresses they had for baby girls.

I wished I had a baby girl to shop for. Look at all these dresses! Oh, even with frills!

“I know, I know. Four more weeks until we find out, though. How about we take a brake from all this shopping.” Destiny sounded genuinely tired.

I don’t want to waste one more minute of my time looking at these clothes. I’m getting nauseous and hungry, for that matter. Oh, what a strange combination.

“Good idea, lets get some thing at Tim Horton’s in the food court.” Isabella suggested as they went down an escalator.

I wonder if she’s having weird cravings yet. I hope one day I get to have them. I hope one day I get to have a baby.

They both got bagels and hot chocolate.

“So, how are you and Gary?” Destiny asked, gossip was always her thing.

I hope they’re happy. It’s great to see them together. I always knew they belonged together.

“Good.” Isabella smiled making Destiny curious.

Oh, Gary. I miss him. Isabella sighs.

“Come on, you know I need details,” Destiny said being nosey.

If I’m not having a sex life, for the next four months, at least I’ll get to hear about hers.

“Well, while we were down in California Gary and I spent a lot of time just being with each other. I don’t know, I just feel so right when I’m with him, like that’s where I’m suppose to be.” She sighed as she imagined feeling Gary’s arms wrap tightly around her.

“Aw, Belle, did you know for the longest time Gary was madly in love with you?” Destiny‘s hazel eyes sparkled as she remembered her many conversations with Gary and how he needed to find the one. They all knew he was always referring to her, as the one.

“Well, I guess I did, but I didn’t know if I felt the same way.” Isabella felt goose bumps rise above her pale white skin as she drew in a deep breath.

How was I suppose to know Gary was deeply in adoration of me when I thought the world revolved around Jay?

“So, how are you and Joe Don?” Isabella asked trying to switch the conversation off of her.

“Well, mainly excited about having a baby, but ya know what, I’m kind of scared,” Destiny said confiding in Isabella.

I’m more than just a little scared. I’m not ready to be a mother and, Joe Don’s not ready to be a father. I’m at wit’s end in puke, and I have to pee every five minutes. My life is slowly deteriorating, and here I thought a baby was suppose to be a miracle. A baby was suppose to be my fairy tale ending.

“ Oh, Destiny, you don’t have to be scared.” she replied wrapping an arm around Destiny’s shoulders.

I can see the fear in her eyes. I knew how she felt, helpless and alone. I use to feel like that all the time. Dear friend don’t cry.

“Belle, I have no idea what I’m going to do with a baby.” Destiny let out her sobs, like water falls bursting from broken pipes, through croaked gasp of fresh air.

Isabella was determined to make Destiny feel at home, and she knew just the way to do it. It would ease her fears, and maybe make her feel a little excited about this bundle of joy entering this new world, not by choice but maybe by fate.


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Sun Dec 26, 2010 10:08 pm
Shearwater wrote a review...



Okay, back for more.

This chapter seemed a bit more telly than the others. You kind of brushed your way through the beginning and it didn't give off the same feeling as it could have if it was done slowly. Take some time to slow down and give us more details about their relationship and time together. I also thought that because of the fast pace, I was getting a little confused with the setting.

Now, the part where Gary says goodbye and sobs, it's a little weird because I always pictured him to be you know, manly. So when he broke down like that so quickly, it was like a hit in the face. Maybe you could make tears stroke down his cheeks or something more subtle because the sob was weird.
The thoughts that you put in italics were a bit difficult to read since I wasn't sure who's thoughts they belonged to. Maybe you could reformat that bit so it's easier to understand.

Anyway, another good chapter. I really like the progression and how the plot seems to be unfolding here. I'm still confused to what the major problem here would be though...Anyway, hopefully more will be explained in the future chapters. Also, I loved Destiny and Isabella's conversation. It made me laugh.

-Pink




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Wed Feb 10, 2010 2:38 am
GoldenQuill wrote a review...



Here's me, randomly commenting again. ;P

Okay, you know how in anime when people mention something bad that happened, they immediately tear up?

I'm starting to feel that anime vibe from your book, sweetie. It seems like every other sentence is: Isabelle began to sob, or Destiny began to cry, etc. Now, unless the people in your story are overemotional, this doesn't happen! Sure, sometimes I almost cry, but I don't sob hysterically everyday of my life. And if they're in emotional catastrophe, then say so! Describe how they're always feeling like any little thing will put them over the edge. If not, I'm sorry, but it's just too much tears everyday. These people have lives.

Next, I see in the later chapters you get better at comma placement. Good, good. :} But, unfortunately, you got worse with tenses. We're in the past tense, and we're going to stay there. So Gary doesn't 'sigh,' he 'sighed.' Destiny doesn't 'cry,' she 'cried.' And I'm not saying you did those things in this chapter, but recently you did, so, I felt that noteworthy.

Okay then. :}

Love & Blessings,
Aushy




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Mon Jun 15, 2009 7:15 pm
Rascalover says...



Thanks for the review :)




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Sun Jun 14, 2009 3:01 pm
StellaThomas wrote a review...



Hey Rascal, again, sorry for being late...

I. NITPICKS

When she was around his lungs would collapse,


His lungs would collapse? Really? Or he would feel like they were?

As the guy’s made their way around the United States entertaining millions, Destiny and Isabella were having fun shopping for the new baby to come.


Guys. Also, I knew I wasn't the only one who used the name "Destiny"!

How about we take a brake from all this shopping.”


break, and question mark at the end...

“Good idea, lets get some thing at Tim Horton’s in the food court.” Isabella suggested as they went down an escalator.


comma after court.

Oh, Gary. I miss him. Isabella sighs.


sighed, not sighs.

Okay...

II. POINT OF VIEW

You keep switching between Isabella and Destiny without any indication. The parallel thoughts and dialogue work well, but only when we know who is thinking. I got confused several times.

Personally, I'm not a fan of changing points of views too much, but I guess it's just a matter of taste, because I also quite like books that show things in the eyes of several different characters. However, often you'll notice that when an author does this it's usually separated with an asterisk or some such device, and that the sections are quite long, not just a sentence or two. This makes it easier to read and not quite so... busy, I guess...

III. 2-D

At the moment, your characters don't quite seem real. I don't know if I've said this before, but look at the people around you, how they move and speak, how they react, and then compare them to your characters. Your characters are slightly wooden, like you've drawn the outlines but haven't coloured them in. It's not just development, it's showing us the people that you know the characters are. Try re-reading the story as a reader rather than the author and you'll see what I mean. They're pretty flat. Spruce it up! Make them funny, or emotional, give them habits, pet peeves, that sort of thing. I know you can do it!

IV. OVERALL

I think that your main problem is the flow, your story has lots of corners where it should be smooth curves... Make your prose, dialogue and characters more natural and you'll be well on your way!

Hope I helped, sorry I took so long, drop me a note if you need anything!

-Stella.




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Fri Jun 12, 2009 7:02 pm
Rascalover says...



thanks for the review. I'll consider making like chapter seven part one and part two and see how that goes maybe humm...




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Fri Jun 12, 2009 3:59 pm
MiriamHannah wrote a review...



It's good I'm enjoying it. The story is progressing well. I would try to add a little more detail, a little less action packed. In this chapter isabella and Gary have had a fight, spent a day apart and then made up the next day, gary has left with joe don on tour and isabella and destiny have gone shopping. Each one of these things could make a chapter in themselves. This is what is making me wonder if this would work better as a soap instead of a book, but thats a little too harsh. Basically just try too cool it down a little.

Apart from that, characters are developing well, especially Isabella, you are really starting to see her.

Well I'll do another chapter as soon as possible,


Miriam




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Fri Jun 12, 2009 1:57 am
Ashleigh Brown wrote a review...



Hi its me again and I read the rest of the story that you added, which is still great. I read them together and only saw one mistake that jumped at me and that was when you used the wrong kind of break, but that was in chapter 6. I know should have posted that on the chapter 6 one, but it would have ruined my reading mood. Lol! Well keep up the good work can't wait to read more.




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Sat Jun 06, 2009 3:19 am
Rascalover says...



thank you :) I'm so glad its has kept your interest




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Sat Jun 06, 2009 3:05 am
youreit wrote a review...



Hey! I was wandering aimlessly around YWS and I saw that you had posted another chapter of Let Me Love You! It was awesome, as usual, and I'm dying to know what the letter said. I can see why Destiny would be having second thoughts about the baby, but why didn't she say something to Joe Don about leaving? I wouldn't want the father of my baby going on tour right after we found out I was pregnant. Anyway, that's just me. Thanks for another amazing chapter. Keep writing, and tell me when you post the next chapter!





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