"Man, I hate being fat."
If I was never a fat kid in high school,
I never would of been bullied.
If I was never bullied,
I would of never been depressed.
If I was never depressed,
I would of never dropped out.
If I never dropped out,
I would of never lived in my parent's basement.
If I never lived in my parent's basement,
I would of never drifted to depression.
If I never went in to depression,
I would of never attempted.
If I never attempted,
I would of never been checked into the hospital.
If I never went to the hospital,
I would of never went into therapy.
If I never went to therapy,
I would of never gone to group.
If I never went to group,
I would of never met you.
Damn.
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140,692 Literary Works • 673,622 Reviews
Wow I really like this. At first I was just thinking in my head you shouldn't live life thinking 'If I never' type of thing. But the ending completely changed my perspective. Being the romantic sap that I am I thought that this poem was great. One point I really liked was that you kept with the same theme through out your poem with the 'If I never' and 'I would of' I didn't get the title at the beginning but after reading I got it and thought that it was really clever. I always like that titles that end up clicking in the end or at one point in the writing because it makes them feel more accomplishing for both reader and writer but it makes it fun. One thing that could potentially change depending on your perspective of it would change "I would of never" to "I would have never" I don't know if that makes much of a difference but just an idea. Anyways great job!
Keep up the lovely writing!
-Roxie Rain
I see the links in this poem. I like the way it is layed out, giving us lots of information somehow without going into much detail, and by that I mean we didn't get to see the personal struggles, just the overall, general road being traveled down. I agree with Dreamwork that maybe something else the second time, could be used in place of depression because its almost as if the narrator gets depressed twice, when, I assume that it was one long bout.
great showcase of a life-changing progression! Write more poems because I would enjoy seeing them too!
Now, even tho I do like the structure, what if you just threw in one part where it was different from the rest? Maybe it could punch us in the teeth even more by standing out like a crooked tooth. Just a thought for improvement, because It's already quite studly as it is currently.
Hello there. A quick review for your poem
It looks very different and I have to admit it is quite unique in terms of its delivery. It has a story, and I love how you write at the end of the poem. It was something unexpected.
Here, repetition with the same purpose, and I think by using other word would bring a bit of variety.
I love how your poem runs with its own plot here. But the element of repetition makes me fear that it will limit the potential of your poem. It can also make the reader a bit bored if you tend to use the same structure of verse here. Keep writing!