Hi RandomTalks!
I thought this chapter was an interesting one. I enjoyed a lot of the new developments, especially the story about the old man’s siblings.
Characters
His face would light up and the boy would know a lame attempt at a joke was coming just from that slight gleam in his eyes.
This is very endearing. I wonder how it would look if it were more embedded in the scenes where the old man is talking to the boy. He seemed quite melancholy in the last few chapters, but maybe there’s a funny story he could share in dialogue.
He made them sound as if they were something worth remembering, something worth preserving . . .
‘Hearing’ the dialogue here could also be something very interesting. I think so far the only memory he’s talked about as though to preserve it has been the first one, with the children and the mangoes? That’s just the impression I get, though.
. . . the boy got the distinct feeling sometimes that he would rather be there and then than here and now.
Ooh melancholy. I’m still curious about this old man!
“So I got over it, and yes, you will too," he added, looking over at him with pointed eyes.
This line seemed oddly forceful for his character. I wonder if there is a reason for it.
He had never had this before, he had never had someone who made him want to just sit and listen. But he found that he quite liked this new friendship, it was new and different and so less exhausting.
I like the sense in these lines of the boy’s lack of life experience, so the events of the novella come across as very ‘new’ to him. I thought it helped build the impression that this really is a child’s perspective.
I also liked how the boy is becoming more observant of the old man’s expressions and perhaps also what he’s not saying. I think that shows some growth there.
He wondered if it made him a terrible person for not wanting to try. It was so much easier to be selfish and uncaring and blame his infant brother for making him that way.
This definitely makes a lot of sense. I like that there’s still some resistance to him changing himself. It makes me wonder how he’ll be able to resolve it.
Plot
At this point I’m getting the overall sense that maybe the whole novella is a memory play of sorts, and there isn’t going to be some dramatic event, unless it occurs in the old man’s stories. Speaking of which, I liked the story about the little sister.
I had thought that she would come out once she realized I was gone, but I had forgotten the fact that she was just a child and this was all just a game to her.
This felt very realistic! I also thought it was funny and very child-like that he thought he could just . . . hide her in the attic and have her disappear.
He wanted to capture this moment and many more like this for the rest of his life, and in the fading light of the last rays of the sun, he believed that he could.
I realised on the second read that his newfound ambition relates to wanting to keep memories like the old man does, and I thought that was pretty neat. It’s nice when re-reading a story lets the reader notice new things about it.
Setting
Other days, they would talk and he would listen until the stars came out and they both retreated to their respective worlds.
I like the idea of this lake being a meeting point between different ‘worlds’ or walks of life the boy and the old man come from.
The description of the water rippling in the middle of the conversation was also a nice touch and I think gives more of a sense of place and atmosphere. The chapter ending at sunset makes it feel like there’s more of an ‘end’, too.
Style
“ the sun of your parent's solar system” -> I couldn’t help but wonder why the old man uses this exact phrase that the boy used to describe himself in the first chapter. Does he have, I don’t know, telepathy?
"I see..." he said, "I see the sky and it is wide and open like an endless canvas of blended colors. I see the sun and it is a brilliant ball of red and orange, . . .
I chuckled a little reading this bit. It felt very dramatic? For this scene. I think it’s cute that he comes up with this poetic description that impresses the old man, of course, but something about him saying “it is” and not using any contractions or speech-like features kind of makes it seem like this is something he’s writing down rather than saying out loud, if that makes sense.
"No," the boy said, "I am going to be a painter."
"Really?" the old man asked at the confidence in his voice. "When did you decide that?"
"About a minute ago."
I really like this bit of dialogue. It seems abrupt, but in that natural way a child would be abrupt. It also conveys the personalities of both characters well, I think – I could really envision them saying that.
That's all
Hopefully some of these comments are helpful to you. Keep writing! <3
Cheers,
-Lim
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