Brittany Scott and Ethan Baylor have been the best of friends since they first met in 1998 when they were only one month old. Since then it has been obvious to everyone, including their parents and other friends that they have a special connection. They’ve gone to school together since preschool and have been to each others houses many times. Ethan and Brittany have been looking out for one another for as long as they can remember. Everyone seems to wonder how they have managed to stay best friends for this long.
They are never seen without each other and when they are together they can never stop smiling. Brittany and Ethan say that they are like brother and sister and that they won’t fall in love with each other. Their other friends think that they will fall in love sooner or later, but who knows? What nobody knows is that Ethan has secretly been in love with Brittany since they were 5, but now Brittany has a boyfriend, Elliot. Ethan and Brittany’s parents are also best friends as well and if they weren’t they might have never became best friends. They trust each other and tell each other secrets all the time. Maybe this friendship will stay as just a friendship or will they turn out to be more than friends?
Today, after school, Elliot broke up with Brittany. She was heartbroken and devastated so she called Ethan. Ethan told Brittany that it would be okay and that they should go out for milkshakes because he knows that milkshakes are one of her favorite things. What Brittany doesn’t know is that Ethan actually is sort of happy that Brittany is single now, but it also mad that someone made his best friend upset. Ethan is thinking that now Brittany is single he can tell her is true feelings, but also doesn’t want to ruin their long-lasting friendship.
They are drinking their milkshakes and Brittany is talking about her break-up when Ethan interrupts. “Brit, I feel so sorry for you. I know this might be kind of sudden and all but……” “What? Tell me. You know you can trust me. Just tell me.” Ethan goes on, “Well, I-I sort of, kind of……oh Brit. I just want you to know that you’re my best friend!” He just couldn’t say it, he was too scared of what Brittany might think. Maybe next time, he thought.
Later that night Ethan got a text. It was from Brittany. “Wat were u rly gonna tell me 2day? :)” is what she wrote. Ethan texted back, “Oh nothing. Y?” She didn’t reply back that night. In the morning he got a text back from Brittany. “No reason. C u @ school! :)” That made him wonder, “does she love me too?” The day at school was perfectly normal and Brittany never mentioned about what he was going to say the other day.
A couple weeks later when Ethan was over at Brittany's house he decided that tonight would be the night. The night where he confesses his love for Brittany. They went outside and were walking around when Ethan realized it was time. "Hey Brit....remember when we were getting milkshakes?", he asked. "Uh, yeah? What about it?" "Well....", he started. "What I was really going to tell you was that....." he drifted off. "Yeah, what? Please just tell me Ethan!" she said. "I-I...I love you, Brittany." he finally confessed. "Oh well, I love you too!" she said, not realizing what he really ment. "No, Brit. I mean, more than just friends." he smiled. "Oh well, I sort of....love you too." They both looked at each other for a moment. Then, they kissed.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hm. I like the concept, but the carrying out had a few problems.
The plot is fine, even the dialogue is fine although you should consider taking SparkOfDoubt's suggestions below me.The problem I have is that the tenses are all messed up. Are you doing this in present or past tense? Choose one and stick with it, and you will be able to express your story, which I found very sweet, a lot more clearly.
Just wondering....Did you get this idea out of the blue or can you relate to it? No need to tell if you don't want to, but it reminds me of all the times I've started with my own life and built a romance out of it. If it is, I'm impressed that you managed to get as far as writing it down; mine die in my imagination. If not, the story has some pretty good feeling behind the muddled tenses. I like the fear that Ethan shows about confessing his feelings. But you should keep in mind that Brittany would have these hesitations too. She wouldn't be able to blurt ther feelings out quite that easily because she would feel awkward.
Okay. Hi. My name is Drama, and I'll be reviewing you today!
So let's start with my overall impression. This underwhelmed me. It's such a cliche thought process, and you didn't really make it your own. It's standard. Girl and Boy known each other forever, best friends, Girl has boyfriend, boyfriend breaks up with her, Boy tells Girl he loves her and they kiss. Ya-da ya-da. It's run of the mill, I'm sorry, but it is. Also, you have a problem with telling and not showing. You're telling the reader everything. Why can't you show us all this, through memories or thoughts? It would be a lot more enjoyable.
Let's talk about dialogue. You need to work on your formatting. When it's all mushed up together like it is now, it can be confusing, not to mention messy.
"Hey Brit....remember when we were getting milkshakes?", he asked.
"Uh, yeah? What about it?"
"Well....", he started. "What I was really going to tell you was that....." he drifted off.
"Yeah, what? Please just tell me Ethan!" she said.
"I-I...I love you, Brittany." he finally confessed.
"Oh well, I love you too!"
That, my dear, is the way it should be formatted. Start a new line every time the person speaking changes. It's a lot cleaner that way.
Last, but not least, you need to break up your paragraph. It's one block of text, and that's foreboding to look at. So just find the natural line breaks and split it up.
I think that's it
~Drama