Published September 28, 2013
Martin watches over us day and night standing strong and bold
He comforts us through through Thick and Thin through Summer and Winter
Martin's seen so many things old eyes wait to behold
Martin's been here all this time housing creatures big and small
Martin kindness in his heart
Always sitting there
Our little Guardian has been here all this time
Martin watches over us day and night standing strong and bold
Martin's been here for longer than anyone has told
Martin is our little pond watching over us!
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
129,638 Literary Works • 671,509 Reviews
I don't understand the point of this.
This was very simple, very general, very generic, and just didn't work. Possibly for other readers, sure, but not for me. What I didn't get about this is how you make out Martin. Your language is very simple, and you just don't make it interesting, to be painfully honest. It's sweet, cute, gets to the point, but it doesn't expand much at all. That's what really damages the poem for me.
thanks.
Hello there, Rainbow!
I like this poem. To be honest, the title is what drew me to it, and at first I thought that Martin was a person. A bit of a surprise to find out that Martin is a pond.
"He comforts us through Thick and Thin". I found this to be really descriptive. No matter how thick the (ice) water gets, Martin is always there beneath the layer.
It is remarkable how you anthropomorphize a pond, make a cult out of it, make it appear as if it is kind, gentle, caring, and loyal. It is hard enough to do it with objects that at least have a constant shape, you do a great job in making a character out of Martin.
An entertaining poem with, dare I say, a sort of a plot twist, where we find out the "person" idolized is not even a living thing. Definitely something you don't see every day. I hope this review is encouraging enough for you to do some more writing. Keep up the good work!
Hey, I'm back to review your piece. :3
First of all, I would want to say give us more about this thing called Martin but since he's a pond >.> I don't think we can describe his body languages and whatnot but nonetheless! That's not an excuse to expand things!
#NaRevWriMo #ReviewDay #GoTeamBigBang (I'm getting tired doing this =_=)
Anyway, I like it. It's simple and sometimes simple things can deliver superfluous messages.
Okay, I've a problem with this line. If it's something short like "push me pull me" I don't mind, but this is long. It disrupts the reading. You can either split this sentence our put it a comma between "Thin" and "through". Or if you don't want to make it like that because a comma would give a pause to the line, you can use the "and". Either way, try to read this out loud and make sure it's comfortable reading in one breath without the connector.
I'll be frank - this line doesn't make any sense. I think you missed something here. Maybe it's a "with" - "Martin with kindness in his heart" but even with that word in, I suggest you to rephrase this sentence to be more compact. "In his heart" really doesn't necessary here, the message is just fine without it. Maybe make a simile out of this, like, what do you compare his kindness with? An overstretched ocean, a boundless sky? Similes are fun.
Finally, I think this is an interesting poem because of the ending. I really didn't expect that - I thought Martin was a cat xD so keep up the good job!
Hey! Cello here for a review!
Okay- Punctuation!
There are so many places where a nice little comma, a simple period, would make the story ever so nice.
(Not quite sure why you capitalized 'thick' and 'thin' but I'm assuming you had a reason)
Here's how I would change it:
Martin watches over us day and night, standing strong and bold.
He comforts us through through Thick and Thin through Summer and Winter.
Martin's seen so many things [that] old eyes wait to behold.
Martin's been here all this time, housing creatures big and small.
Everything flows nice and looks a lot better too with just some simply punctuation. (Edit the rest of the poem like that, adding appropriate punctuation.)
Two things
Firstly, no exclamation point needed- Why would you exclaim this line?
Secondly, this line is very straightforward and I think leaving it a mystery would be better, or stating it in a less direct way. Everything else is poetic, then you come here and very plainly state that Martin is a pond.
Keep up the good work!
-ChocolateCello
I like the theme of the pond in this poem. The nice use of personification in this poem with the pond being named Martin is nice. I like the idea that the pond watches over the ducks and the other creatures around.
In the first line you used "and" twice in one sentence, which is a bit repetitive. This poem also needs to be put into stanzas for organization reasons. Organization of your poetry is a must and goes a long way!
You used "through" twice. I started to wonder why you didn't notice this. You should always proof-read your poem to check over those careless mistakes. You must always check over for grammar as well.
The random exclamation mark at the end is a not needed and unnecessary. A period is needed rather than the exclamation mark to have a bold ending but not excited.
I do like the poem, but it needs some work.
✖︎
Knight Malachi here to review with less than 3 minutes to go for Review Day.
This was a nice little poem about something so simple-a pond- and yet you turned it into such an epic poem. you make it seem as if Martin is this fierce warrior, a protector of your house. I think that has to be one of the most creative things I've read on here yet, and I've read some creative stuff! good job.
Keep it up!
Hi CrystalPony21,happy review day^^,here is Dark to give review on your nice-wonderful poem!
But I like the way you describe its feet-->Standing strong and bold.
I see the point here,quiet nice and beautiful.But just need to improve a bit grammar here;
# Martin watches* over us day and night standing strong and bold-->Will nice if you use 'watching' instead of watches.
He comforts us through* through Thick and Thin through Summer and Winter (doubled through?)
# Martin kindness in his heart
Always sitting there
Our little Guardian has been here all this time -->this is my favorite part actually.So cute and 'childish' but beautiful well-written!
Overall,you can improve your writing style and grammar here.The rhythm is nice!
Keep it up.
kudos,cheers
~Dark
Hello! My name is Gummy, and I'm here to review~
Now, I think the most important thing this poem is missing is punctuation. The only trace of punctuation in this poem lies in the lonely little exclamation mark at the very end, so the ideas kinda blur each other out, you know?
I'm actually a little curious as to the capitalization of the word "Guardian" in Line 7, as well as that of "Thick and Thin" in Line 2. Are these allusions to a movie or book?
Lastly, as far as I'm concerned, the capitalization of the first word in every line is more of a style issue rather than a grammar issue, and it shouldn't concern you that much even if it's not your style ^^ Nevertheless, I have to say that this is a good poem. Keep on writing, and keep on raising the bar~
Okay!
Hello there!
I am Chuck and I will be doing a review for you! (The first review in a few months.)
Now for starters I'm not gonna lie. I know nothing about poetry.
So I like the poem and it's very nice, however you could work on your grammar and maybe the stanzas?
^ As you can tell I know stuff all about poems.
Also maybe try not to put the start of every line in capitals.
That's all I really have to say!