A poem I had written when I was going through a few issues with myself, and then had decided to present it to my band in the form of lyrics. A song has been made from it; And yes I know that this forum had not neccessarily said to include real lyrics. The different flows of the sentences were made to fit the music, so that is why I felt I must inform you.
Anyway~
{{Go, leave, go away.
Don't come to me another day.
I can't stand the feeling you give me.
But I'm to afraid to tell you.
You cut into my very soul.
You cut into my brain.
And how relentless you can be.
When you lacerate my shame.
Go, leave, go away
Never call on me another day.
Leave me now and never return.
I can't say it to you but I feel it.
Whenever you are with me.
The sense of guilt descends.
When will I be invited free?
When will we make amends?
You've been with me for it seems a year.
Though it was only serious then.
Not when I was four, or five, or six.
It scared me through age ten.
That I suddenly felt betrayed by you.
And my spirit grew too cold.
I couldn't stand to withstand;
We are all imperfect
You are perfect.
Go, leave, go away
And never come back.
Another day.
Leave me for once to find my peace.
Leave me to be loved. }}
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Canary word: Present
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I liked how each stanza started. Reminded me of "Rain, rain, go away, come again another day"...I suppose that was intentional?
Other than that, I'm not sure what else to say. I'm really no good at critting poetry, and any comments I had on the structure or whatever would be fairly worthless because I wouldn't know what I was talking about. XD So...yeah *Shrug*
Jimmy sends his love.
--Cassandra <3