Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Well this was an interesting one. I'm a little curious if this was meant to be a short story or if its perhaps the start to a larger novel. If its a novel this would be a great opening, for a story it feels a little incomplete and doesn't seem to tell us anything.
Anyway let's get right to it,
"Tom, I'd like you to look around, and count how many you can see in this room." the Doctor spoke calmly and clearly.
Tom raised his head, and peered around the room.
Well, starting off with some dialogue, well let's see how this goes on. Not the most intriguing bits of dialogue though, a little too vague to really get anyone's attention but isn't boring either so that's a plus.
Dr Markus nodded, and noted something down in his notepad. Tom shifted uncomfortably in his chair, looking around the room; he noted how ugly it was, with the white wash walls and plastic furniture. The entire institution was the same. It just made a depressing place even more depressing.
Well that's a pretty decent description.
"Okay. Okay. Yes, that's all for today, Tom, you can go back to your room."
Tom stood up quickly, and left the room. He found his sister, Sarah, waiting in the white corridor outside.
"When are you getting out?" she asked him, instantly.
Tom shrugged. "Never." He walked quickly down the lino floor of the hallway, and Sarah ran to catch up.
Oh dear, you can't be that negative Tom, learn to be a little more positive in life.
"Seriously, Tom, I can't be doing with you in this Mad House any longer, its freaky. I don't get why you're even doing it. You know full well you aren't insane."
"I know I'm not insane."
We all know that we are not insane....or do we??
"No, Tom, I don't! You expect me to understand that you think you can see dead people? How could I possibly understand that?"
"I didn't say you would."
Oh come on, seeing dead people is very easy to understand...says an actual dead person, namely me.
"Tom, this is not fair. Mum is going crazy, and Dad hasn't come home from work for about three days. This stupid stunt you're pulling, it's ripping out family apart, and its not funny."
Tom pulled away. "You think I meant that to happen?"
Oh dear well things are even more serious...but then why is this Sarah also in this insane asylum thing? Is she visiting because if so it doesn't sound that way.
"You think I want this? I can't help it, Sarah, it's just who I am! I was happy to stay at home, I know there's nothing wrong with me. It wasn't my choice to come here, it was Mum and Dad's. I'm not trying to make things hard, but it's not my fault that none of you believe me. I can see them, they're everywhere, hundreds and thousands of them, millions, and the only thing I ever did wrong was to be able to. It's not my fault you can't."
Well that is a horrible place to be in as a person, definitely.
"I'm sorry, Sarah," he called after her. She shot him a v, and he watched as she swung the doors at the end of the corridor. They slammed shut after her.
Slowly, he walked down the corridor, apparently alone, but in reality, accompanied by just a couple of people, who whispered to him soothing words. It seemed to Tom that the only people who cared about him, were dead.
Well that's quite an amazingly emotional line to be ending things on.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Well this was certainly an interesting story that you've got here. If it is a novel and there are other parts I would definitely have read them. Anyways that's all I've got.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 259685
Reviews: 4124
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