Published November 16, 2008
There was a pang just now
on the left side of my body
And I felt really faint.
And it's been going on
For days.
And I have hot chocolate
So I shouldn't be shaking
And I don't want
To wake anyone up
But I'm really scared
And I know you're all like
"It's just a poem"
But its not and Im scared
And shaking and crying
and stuff.
I just looked in the mirror
I'm all grey.
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I agree with carolinewashere. There isn't much emotion to this poem. It's like "my side hurts". Okay...and? It does seem a little impractical. If you're writing about someone who's in pain, then you should make it seem like they're actually hurting (unless this is autobiographical, in which case, why are you writing a poem?)
this poem lacks, emotion. Its just kind of words. I totally understand the story but i feel like asking "So what?".
Maybe its because i have never had appendix pains. And If you are afraid your appendix is going to burst wouldn't you wake someone up and not care if they are bothered because you could be in serious trouble? It just dose not make sense to me.