Throughout my how life I learned to abominate Vampires. As a child they were my worst fear. How could I have become one. Overwhelmed by my disgust at my own existence I kicked the water in the lake that was underneath me. It rippled make my reflection scattered.
Then I turned around and kicked the nearest tree. I grabbed my foot expecting pain. The only thing in pain was the tree, it came tumbling down. With a huge thud,it made the grass woosh away by the impact. I just kicked a tree down, I thought in disbelief. I had tremendous strength. I looked at the fallen evergreen tree.
“I am sorry,” I whispered “I never met to hurt you. Your are innocent and a beautiful part of nature.”
I scowled at the floor. I unquestionably was a monster. I didn’t understand why I had all these outrageous capabilities. Why I was so beautiful yet so terrible.
That’s when I realized, it was to lure in my prey. I was built for destruction. I could charm any woman. Out run the fastest man. I could win a fight with the strongest human alive. I was flawless, and in the sun I sparkled. I remember the sweet warm tantalizing scent that had no doubt had been human blood. Then I jumped into the cold water chasing the memory far away. I swam deeper into the lake studying all of the creatures that played in the blue water. Any time I close to a frog or fish the creature ran away. Making my feel only more behemoth. I swam back up to the top to inhale more oxygen. I was going ro swim more, but seeing how repulsing I was made chose not to.
I herd clumsy footsteps in the distance. My throat responded to these footsteps by sparking flames in my throat. I didn’t understand why such a sickly sweet smell could bring me such flames. I yearned to drink their blood.
And I hated it.
It smelt like a humans weak and helpless. I wanted so badly to sink my teeth into that sweet scent. I wanted to drain the life of another. My temptation made me sick. I wanted to kill the monster inside me. To scream at it to leave me alone. WIth every ounce of my self control I ran away from the sweet scent.
There was only one solution I need to end my life. I sprinted to the nearest ocean. I followed the scent of salt water. I sprinted as far away from humans. I ran threw the forest. I loved the smell of the fresh pine. My feet which flawlessly landed on foot after another. The air blew threw my hair and brushed against my fast as I traveled at speeds I didn’t know existed, until know. I was aware of every noise and creature that crawled, flew, galloped, and ran threw the forest. I was sad to be saying goodbye to all these senses, but the bad outweighs the good. Being a monster like me would always overpower my extreme senses and abilities. I decided I would make the most out of my journey to my death. I climbed up a tree carefully. Making sure not to put too much force. Not wanting to kill anymore trees. I passed a birds nest, quietly trying not to disturb the family I observed the little family, they were cuddled up to they mother. No father to be seen. If I ever had a family I would have been there every step of the way. I would give anything to have a son or daughter. I soared to the next tree. It was mesmerizing, mind blowing, and breathtaking. I ran out of the forest and into the sand. I would be at my destination soon.
My nose filled completely with salt water. I walked into the water. The sun caught my skin and I sparkled like a thousand diamonds again.
Then I dove into the water.
I let my lungs fill with the repugnant tasting salt water. I let my body relax as I drowned. I closed my eyes and sprawled out under water. It wasn’t painful, my taste buds were appalled by the water however.
I waited patiently for my life to end. To be freed from this misery. Ten minutes past, I didn’t know how long it would take.
The water washed over my body again and again I relaxed letting the waves pull me back and forth. I still waited I started to become impatient and a little aggravated. Why wasn’t I dead yet, I have heard stories about many people that had drowned over my life time living in england. I had read stories in school about people that drowned.
When an hour passed I realized I didn’t need to breath.
Aggravated at my failure I splashed threw that water and away from the ocean. Before I knew if I was back in the forest again. Despite my spectacular night vision I knew the time had come for me to rest. I wasn’t tired just kinda overwhelmed after my first day of existing as a vampire. I lay up against an old willow tree. It had soft moss at the bottom and when I lay down I felt like I was laying on the most comfortable mattress in the world. Between the soft wind and the crickets playing a sweet lullaby I was in a complete haven.
When the sun rose and I haven't slept whatsoever yet felt completely awake, I knew I couldn’t sleep. All these little human things I didn’t have to do was perplexing.
Then again I wasn’t Human anymore.
I was grappled with the same dispute as the prior day.
How I could end my unsurpassable monstrous vampire life. I thought about my great Aunt Frances, she had jumped of a cliff to free herself from having to marry a drunken rich man Christopher.
Could that work? I had little hope but I had to try. A vision of my father played in my head. He was younger and his blue eyes didn’t have crease lines that showed he had aged. He was talking to a young boy with the blonde hair and blue eyes. Then he began to talk to the young boy. The young boy was me.
“Carlisle, we must rid this world of sin. These men and women are evil creatures of the night.”
“Why must we kill them?” I asked.
“Monsters like them never change Carlisle. They will only kill you, you cant let your defenses down.”
The vision dissolved away.
Today I would make my father proud and get rid of one vampire. Myself. This was twisted and sad. But if he knew I sacrificed my life for the better good he would be proud.
I came to a cliff, at the bottom of the clif there lay a bunch of rocks.
I took a few steps back before I sprinted forward and of the cliff. Again overwhelmed by my in humans speed which lead me right of the cliff.
I plummeted to the ground.
When body collide with rock bottom and I was ready to leave this world, to dissolve. My body didn’t even respond to the impact. The only thing that was affected was the now tattered shirt. I glared at the cliff that had failed me.
Despite my strength I felt helpless. This helplessness quickly turned to fury. I scalded up the mountain ripping at the rocks in a mounserous manner.
I tried it again, I ran slicing through the air then I jumped off the cliff. I crossed my arms over my chest again and plummeted to the ground. I hit the ground with a thud doing more damage to the ground. I lifted my chest from the ground infuriated.
It was unsettling.
If I couldn’t kill myself how would I prevent the monstrous overtake me. I could kill so many and the worse most sicken part was I couldn’t help myself.
That was my only weakness. Self control. I couldn’t resist taking the life of another. I had searched for a weakness since I had been awoken. One that I could use against myself and to end my exist. My only weakness would only kill others not myselfs.
I had felt the sensation of smelling human blood I couldn’t resist that smell again. I had to find a place I could isolate myself. So isolated I could never catch that smell again.
I began to run without even knowing where I was running to. The wind picked up moving threw mt golden hair. I ran over dirt, then plant, then rocks, and then dirt again. I moved deeper into the forest farther and farther away from all humanity.
Even if I ignored my features I still could never return to the humans. My soul didn’t belong amongst there’s. Sure there was men and women that had done terrible things and watched terrible things happen. That didn’t matter. I was a vampire now there wasn’t a iller fate. Not only could I not kill myself, I was made to kill others. And if rumors were true I was immortal. I would forever be in this hell. Never able to escape this fate. That was by far the worst part. If I ever killed someone I would have to live with that guilt forever.
Immortality was something every human had wished for at one point in there life times. However never did I imagine to obtain it. Let alone obtain it in such an evil way. Should one wish for this fate they are a monster. Vampires practically took others lives just to continue their own.
The most ironic part of my recent upbringing was the number of people, innocent people died from the vampire hunts. Yet when I truly want to kill one, I can’t. My human life centered around these hunts and I couldn’t kill myself.
I came to a massive hole in the ground. I stood at the edge peering inside. I was a huge cave, its opening was a sharp circle which let in a little bit of light. A small greenish, blue lake was precisely on the edge, like a little pound in the hard clay ground. There were big boulder in side the cave that lay on one side. Sharp rocks decorated the curved walls inside. This was different like most caves in order to enter you would have to jump into it. It was a lot like a pit. The fall was at least three hundred feet. It would be very difficult to get back out. That when I knew it was perfected. Without a second thought I leaped into the cave. The wind passed through my ears as I plummeted to the the bottom landing perfectly on my feet. I walked around and ran my fingers on the soft yet rough moss. From inside the cave I could see a small strip of blue sky and all the evergreen trees of the forest. Right outside of the cave there was a tree that had fallen down. Standing in the massive cave made me feel small. If the cave collapses it would turn me to dust. For the first time I felt weaker then something. It felt settling, almost for just a half a second I felt just like a man in the forest standing in a huge cave. With closed eyes I took a step forward inhaling the fresh air letting it fill my lung. Then I took a step to far exposing my sun making my eyes flash open. I was shimmering, it wasn’t the sign of beauty like a jewel sparkling in the sun. It was evidence I was a monster, quickly I ran back into the shadows. I clenched my jaw in disgust, wishing for this horrendous new life to end.
Most people would have become utterly bored and desturat in this cave, I wasn’t. This was my only way to contain myself. To keep me from doing the monstrous things I was created for. I found great comfort in the isolation. I avoided the little pound at all cost that way I don’t have to see my horrendous reflection.
The sun began to set and the temperatures began to drop. The cool breeze was very soothing. The night creatures began to come out. I heard the rustling of the owl waking. The cricket played a nice melody, and I could hear the lighter footsteps of mice walking over leafs. In this moment I almost felt like I might fall asleep. Then I would remember I was a Vampire. After the third time of having this thought I laughed aloud.
Maybe I don’t have to be a monster, I thought to myself. Maybe i could coexist with the humans. As long as I didn’t go anywhere near them.
That would be dreadful ofcourse. I could never see my father again. Sure he wasn’t the best person. But he was my father and if he knew any better he would not have done all the horrible things that he had done.
I would never have a family. A wife or my own children. I could never have a job or do any of the normal human things that have been a daily habit. Not having that was scary. That made this path full of uncertainty. If I stayed in this cave nothing would change. If I left this cave I put some many people at risk.
There was no confusing. I would stay in this cave for as long as mankind would be on this planet. I had no way of telling so I would be here for all eternity.
Suddenly I yearned for a canvas, easel, paints and brushes. I loved to paint. My father had told me that it was a waste unless I was painting places in the church. So as a boy I would paint the same church room over and over again. But in the summer I would pack my art stuff and run to the meadow and paint the horizon I would hide the paintings in the stable.
I remember one day I was in the attic looking for more painting supplies when I came upon a beautiful painting of the sunset. I ran it to my father and he looked angry. And said ‘You put that back where you found it and never take it out again’. I ran off scared by my father outburst. I sat in the attic looking at the extraordinary painting. I flipped it over and in loop handwriting it said To: Nicolaus, Love: Cora. Cora was my mother. That’s when I realized it was a painting giving to my father by her.
Finding my mothers art gave me unexplainable inspiration. That day I ran off to the meadow and waited for the sun to set and painted. It was so late I fell asleep in the meadow. When I opened by eyes again I was being carried by a man. In one hand he had all my paint stuff. I lifted my head off my shoulder and saw familiar blonde hair. It was my father. I pretended to sleep.
He brought me upstairs and set me on my bed. With one eye open I watched him. He put all my art stuff on my shelf. Stopping when he reached my mothers painting. He sat on the floor and said ‘oh cora why did you leave me so soon. Your son is so much like you. If only you were here.’ He wiped a tear off his face.
He placed my mother’s painting next to mine. He looked back at me and I closed my eye. He walked over and kissed my cheek.
‘Goodnight my carlile,’ he said with true compassion, then he walked out.
I smiled at this memory. It was the only time I saw my father weak and soft. He was so devastated after my mother's passing he tried to pretend she never exist. Then pain was to much and he saw it as weakness.
Raising me without a mother was very hard on my father. But it was also very hard on me. When my father was being unrealistic there wasn’t another parent to take over for him. I was a very good kid but that didn’t change matters.
My father also loved how much I was like Cora, but it also pained him because it was a constant reminder of her. I wish there was a picture or something that could connect me with her but all I had was that one painting. My father had gotten rid of everything else that reminded him of her.
All my father had told me was that she had brown eyes and hair. Everyone was shocked how that I had my father's eyes and hair color, but looked more like my mother.
The absence of cora was without a doubt one of my deepest childhood burden. I would sometimes ask myself why she has left me all alone with my father. As if it was her choice to die giving birth to me.
Other times I would blame myself for my mother death. Considering the fact that giving birth to me was what ended her life so early. If I hadn’t been born my mother and father would be happy to this day. Maybe my father wouldn’t be so cold-hearted all the time.
My father would tell me everything happens for a reason. But there were times that I questioned that. It was times like these. The things i would give to see and hear him say that just one more time.
Then I wonder if he would mourn me? Have a funeral for me? Would he miss me? Then I remember the last time we talked.
“Listen clearly sun. I lost your mother when she brought you into this world. So I will not lose you too,” he had told me. Before I had retorted with some harsh comment refusing to believe he actually thought. But know I wondered… What if he really meant that? What id I was all he had left? Or if I was the only thing keeping him from going completely cold? If he knew a vampire killed me then what would he do with the hunts? Would he kill more innocents than ever before?
I guess I would never know. I could never go back to the place I called home. I would never see the meadows I painted in, I would never see my horse. I would never see my father. I would never see that house that held many good and terrible memories in.
Suddenly I felt like a boy lost in the woods. I had nothing familiar like I had no home. The truth was for the first time since becoming a vampire I felt so isolated.
Throughout this whole thing I was trying to figure out how to isolate myself now I wanted to go back. To sleep my sorrows away.
As days and weeks past I felt weaker and weaker. There was a slight dryness in my mouth and throat.
Then the searing flames that had one taken over my body where in my throat returned. The white hot burning was unimaginable painful. It was like reliving my transformation, but it was restricted to my throat.
This was what happened when I did feast on human life. I was punished with burning thirst. Starving myself made me whether, do to the unbearable pain of my thirst. I wondered if I kept this up long enough if I would die. A vampire lives of taking others lives.
So if I refused to take others lives there was no way I could live on. It made sense it had to be this way. In order to leave this cursed life I had to go threw the flames again. I proved that I wasn't a monster. I was being freed from the eternal hell.
I grasped my neck over taken by the burning.
It was like I was lost in the fire. Everywhere I moved the flames are engulfed me relentless. So much time had passed since becoming a vampire and it was so close to being over.
Suddenly I heard clanging of footsteps on the grass. The wind brushed against her fur. Then there was at least ten heart beats, pumping warm blood to the rest of their bodies. The scent was mind blowing, it fogged my brain. I took in another breath. It mad the burning worse. Thud. Thud. Thud. The heart was working hard to keep the blood flow through their bodies. It came closer and closer.
Before I knew it I was on my feet in a crouching position with
a hand in between my legs. I leaped up an tour up the walls of the cave. It took maybe a minute.
The warm scent of blood over took my body. Then they were in my sight. Taughting me with there tauntlizling scent. It was irresistible.
There was ten deer standing in front of me. I was so overwhelmed because there scent all smelt equally as appetizing. Then I was aware of the one at the very back of the heard. It was slower and a lot bigger. There was a lot more blood flowing threw it veins.
I didn’t care about the scent of evergreen, honeysuckle, dirt, or birds that filled the forest. All those scents were drowned out by the one dominant scent.
The scent of animal blood.
The wind blew up ruffling the deer fur, blowing the sweet scent right in my face. I felt stronger then I had felt in weeks.
Insticly I lunged reaching the creature in seconds. I had a single purpose and it took over my whole mind. This was my hunt and I was going to get my prey. The instincts of my body scared me for a second but I quickly was reabsorbed in the scent.
Venom filled my mouth as I plunged my fangs into the deer. My fangs pierced the blood flow. Sinking my teeth into the dear was effortless like jumping into water. There was an istaneous relief the burning simmered until it was completely gone. The deer was helpless in my grasp and unable to move it seconds it was died.
I drank the blood before it went cold. The warmth of the blood ran threw my body bring warmth to every inch of my body. Like a light spreading throughout my body.
Though the burning was gone. I still yearn for more.
The herd had started to run off but only got a couple of feet. I sprinted off lunging at another deer.
I again sank my fangs perfectly into the bloodstream. Brining back that same sensation. The warm blood filled my body again.
This time the blood tasted a little different. But it felt
I was fully restored. I let the rest of the deer run on by.
That’s when it struck me.
I didn’t have to be the monster that I had been created to be. If I could live off of animal blood then I didn’t need to be a filthy blood sucker.
The thought seemed to sweet.