Jealousy

Shaniac here to review this poem!

I've read a few poems about jealousy and this one is in the same vein as most since most poets relate jealousy as a vine that chokes you. For someone who gets really jealous, this poem does show how it fills to be overcome with it. A few things I like about this piece starts off with, not only the comparison of jealousy like a green vine, but also the sort of path the jealousy takes. You have a nice touch of adding comparisons throughout this piece and that brings out the true meaning of how jealousy can overtake a body and make the person do things they will regret later on.

A small thing I'd like to suggest is that you use the personal pronoun "it" a lot. If you use it once or twice throughout the piece, you can get a general idea of what that "it" is about but, for example, "it makes one pitifully aware of how their own roses". What is this "it" describing? Is it about a person? You can replace that "it" with the word jealousy since it is an important word that the reader should know about. Also, "pitifully aware" sounds kind of awkward and lumps that sentence together. What you can say in place of this could be "familiar" or something similar.

In the end, with "be careful, Small One, lest your own roses wither in the cold while you admire another's" (good quote, I like it!), the direction of who this is directed to changes. It feels kind of sudden and maybe you could mention an outer person that this is directed to somewhere else in this piece such as where you go into detail about how jealousy takes over the body. That way it can come together as sort of a lesson to someone.

To cap, I think you did a nice job of describing jealousy. I can get jealous very easily and reading the last line of this poem made me realize how I should continue on with my life instead of investing it into someone else's. Have a good day/night and if have any questions, let me know!

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said


Thanks for sharing this poem which initially compares Jealousy to a sticky, sickly, green vine, that controls the brain, causing the balling of fists. I like the way that Jealousy is shown to interfere with a person’s thinking ability and causes emotional reactions. Also, I like how the symbols convey deeper meaning in reference to jealousy. So if the poem’‘s intention was to show the downside of jealousy it certainly succeeded



Symbols

gardener-is one expected to care for a garden. Here the gardener does the opposite. So the gardener must be identified with the person provoking the jealousy.

Fire can represent the anger a person feels via jealousy

Coldness can represent the cold, emotionless determination to get even.

Thorns can represent the hurtful stabbing that flirtations can inflict.

The last line adds a sinister note-a warning to the “little one” causing the jealousy.

Suggestions:

It makes one pitifully aware of how their own roses
[It makes one pitifully aware of how one’s own roses....]

Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to reading more of your poetry.