Young Writers Society

Hello there! Akelia here for a review!

This review will be separated into two parts. In the place of critiquing I am doing "Sour" and "Sweet." The sours are the things that you can do better and work on, and the sweets are the things that you did well. Let's get on with it!

Sweets: I loved the rhyming in this poem, it was very easy to read and the similarity allowed it to flow well and it sounded very smooth. I also appreciated how you put the quotations on the things the birds said in the poem, not a lot of people do that. That was well done!

Sours: You will be glad to know that there wasn't much that I could nit-pick. The only things I noticed were how at the end of some of the sentences you have "cracked-" the line at the end of the words, while in others you have commas. I recommend you use only commas in this case, because the lines were somewhat distracting. The other thing I noticed was that it was a bit hard to distinguish what was going on at first, what you could do is just add a few descriptions of who is being attacked and make it a little more clear.


All in all, it was very well done. Good job and never stop writing!

-Akelia

Radrook here a once again to offer some suggestions.
Apologies if i offend. It isn’t my intention.
Please feel full free to cast aside all things you deem not helpful.
But if you do be sure its true by being extra careful.

That having been said:

I really enjoyed reading this poem because of its concept, imagery, rhyme scheme. Love the beat and imagery of ground, birds trees, earth all of which are full of symbolic meaning.

My understanding

I see it as a commentary on human foolishness where mankind repeatedly uses violence instead of calm negotiation. The birds being high above on trees to me signified that the attackers feel they always have the moral high ground. Those on the ground are grounded in truth.

Here is my only suggestion:

As the birds dive-attack, [This prevents the word "to" from interrupting the two beat line.]

"Sun lingers long" is an option.

After reading it once again I like the way it is organized on the page so I erased my previous reorganizing example.

Very good poem! Looking forward to reading more of your poetry.