E - Everyone

An Explosion of Colors

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Sabrina gave a cry of joy and tossed her hands in the air as she danced wildly. Hundreds of people gyrated to the fast-paced Indian music all around her. People were singing, dancing, and throwing vibrant powdered colors all around. A young boy dashed through the crowd, wiping hot pink color across bodies as he went. As he ran past Sabrina, a bright slash of pink erupted across her white tank top at the waist. She grinned as she noticed this newest splash of color. The party had started hours ago, but it would continue until well into the night. She looked forward to spending every minute of it dancing, singing, and becoming a human piece of modern art. This was the purpose of the Holi Festival—to celebrate the coming of spring as the world began to fill with colors again.

Sabrina had wanted to come to India ever since she did a report on the country in sixth grade. After spending the last two years of high school living in a small town in Ohio, she decided to spend some time before college exploring the world. Exactly 16 days after graduation she packed her backpack, laced up her hiking shoes, and got on a plane. She’d been traveling nonstop now for two and a half years. It had led her to this moment and the final destination on her bucket list. Her last fling of freedom before being tied down at college back in the States. In a little less than a week, she would have to go home and face real adulthood. She was determined to enjoy her last moments of young freedom.

Sabrina, though she knew she should feel dirty, felt liberated by the bright colors, sweat, and colored water that covered her from head to toe. People all around her threw puffs of green, yellow, red, and blue powdered color at those around them. Friends tried to smear each other’s faces and hair with colors that would probably be impossible to wash out. The entire scene was one great jumble of dancing bodies, vivid colors, and puddles of reddish water.

Suddenly, someone came up from behind her and smeared blue powder on the side of her face. She gasped and pulled away, looking back to identify her attacker. It was a man, about her age, smeared with blue and yellow. He laughed and started dancing to the music. Sabrina got out some of her powder—bright red—and dashed toward him. His eyes widened, and he tried to make a break for it, but the walls of people prevented his escape. She got him upside the neck and on his cheek, now crimson red. “Ha, I got you!” Sabrina exclaimed.

“Hey, you’re American!” The man yelled over the music, stopping in place.

“So are you!” Sabrina yelled, smiling. “Isn’t this amazing?!” she exclaimed, twirling on her feet and throwing her arms out to the sides.

“Totally! I’m Max!” he yelled, holding out his hand.

“Sabrina!” she yelled back, firmly shaking his outstretched hand.

The two danced near each other, playing with the colors for hours. Every time Sabrina moved to a new part of the square, Max would follow her. Occasionally he would grab her hands and twirl her around while people around them threw colors at the spinning couple. Both laughed hysterically as the dizziness subsided. After nearly four hours of dancing, Sabrina moved to a nearby street where the kids were running around, spraying each other with squirt guns, shrieking with delight. She sat down on a short wall, breathing heavy but feeling extremely happy. Max appeared a few minutes later with a couple of water bottles. After guzzling her entire bottle, she jumped up, grabbed one of the squirt guns and sprayed Max in the face. “Hey!” he exclaimed, laughing and wiping at his eyes. He jumped up and dashed after Sabrina as she ran away. He caught her with an arm around her waist, picking her up and hauling her back to him as he pried the gun from her fingers. He held on to her a few moments longer, both laughing too much to move.

The moon was bright that night, stars twinkling. Drunk people teetered down every street, trying to find their way home. “I’m walking you back to your hotel, so lead the way,” Max said.

“Excuse me?” Sabrina said, casting a sideways glance at him as they strolled down the street.

“It’s not safe for an unaccompanied young woman to be walking around at night with all these drunk people around,” Max said, gesturing to a man lying in a puddle in the corner, humming to himself.

Sabrina stared at the man a moment. “Fine,” she said, wrinkling her nose, “but don’t get any ideas about coming inside with me.” She led him down several streets until they reached the entrance of her hotel. Most of the lights were on, probably for people trying to get cleaned up after the day. “Thanks for walking me home. It was really nice to meet you, Max,” she said, turning to face him. Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. He was much closer than she had expected, just a few inches away from her.

Max stared down at her for a moment. “It was nice to meet you too, Sabrina,” he said quietly, lifting his hand and cupping her chin. She blushed, her cheeks suddenly warm. “I hope someday we meet again. Until then…” He leaned down and kissed her. Thousands of colors exploded inside of Sabrina, and her eyes fluttered closed. He broke away from her and smiled. He seemed to hesitate a moment. “Can I get your phone number? I think you’re a friend I’d like to keep.”

“…Sure. I mean, yeah,” Sabrina said, shaking herself. “Hold on just a minute.” She ran inside, leaving him there on the porch. When she came back outside, she had a little piece of paper. “Here, that’s my number. I go back to the states in four days.”

“What state do you live in?” Max asked, accepting the paper.

“Ohio, but I’ll be going to school at Northwestern in a couple months.”

Max’s eyes widened. “You’re going to Northwestern University?” he asked, intense.

“Yes…? Why?” she asked slowly.

“I’m a sophomore at Northwestern University,” he said, staring into her eyes.

“Wait, seriously? No way!” she said, beaming. “Um, what’s your major?”

“Editing.”

“No way! I’m going into journalism.”

Max just stared at her for a second, then grinned sarcastically. “I guess you and I work well together then, huh? You can’t exactly be a journalist without an editor.”

As Sabrina stared into Max’s eyes, she felt a warm feeling grow inside her. Maybe college would be her greatest adventure yet.

Comments & reviews · 3
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Hey RachMilty! Aly here for a short review.

Wow- I can't believe this work has been in the Green Room for an entire year. Hopefully, this review will still be helpful to you.

I guess I'll start with criticisms and nitpicks, then move on to praise.

First thing I noticed was that you start this short with huge paragraphs and walls of text, which can deter a reader from checking out your piece and mess with the flow of the writing. You could easily separate the introductory paragraph into two or three paragraphs.

Storywise, I think it could do with a bit more interaction and dialogue between Sabrina and Max. The offer to walk her home and the kiss both come off as really sudden and seem to come out of nowhere, and I can't help but think that Sabrina's reaction would be very different in that situation- fear, anger, maybe some disgust.

Max is still a stranger, and there's no real reason to believe he's telling the truth or that he has good intentions of being her "friend". If he isn't lying, that's one extreme coincidence that they just happen to be going to the same school for similar majors and ended up in India at the same Holi dance party without having met before..

Otherwise, the writing itself is great and flows nicely. I didn't notice any typos, the description is good, and you did a good job of giving me a picture of the setting without any infodumps.

Well, I hope this helps! Keep writing! :)

-Aly

User avatar
mellifera
Review

Hey RachMilty! I'll be swinging by to review your work today :D


The first thing I'm noticing is that you might want to be careful about how long your paragraphs are? When they get too long and chunky, it gets a little tiring to read them? It's also easier to get lost if you have to pause while you're reading for any reason. They aren't horrible as they are, but I would think about that for future reference and if you come back to edit this piece.


She'd been traveling nonstop now for two and a half years.


It doesn't have to be a big plot point by any measure, but I kind of would have liked to see mentions of where else she went? Maybe not every place, I don't know how many areas she visited, but I still think it would have been cool to have an off-handed mention of other places she visited?

puddles of reddish water.


If there's so many colours being thrown around here, why are the puddles only red? I mean, some kind of brown/black/etc colour seems like it would work better because of all the colours mixing, but just red seems kind of odd?

Suddenly, someone came up from behind her and smeared blue powder on the side of her face. She gasped and pulled away, looking back to identify her attacker.


She didn't react like this when the young boy smeared her with pink? If there a reason she singles out this guy for smearing blue powder? Is it just because it's on her face? (Also, why describe him as an attacker if that's,, what everyone is doing?)

twirling on her feet and throwing her arms out to the sides.


If there's so many people, as you made it sound so that Max couldn't escape in the first place, then how is she able to throw her arms out to the sides?

"Um, what's your major?"

"Editing."


Editing what? I? have never heard of just an editing major? I mean, maybe I really just have never heard of it, but I would think it would be like, film editing or something?
(Reading further? It sounds like he wants to be a journal editor, wouldn't he get a journalism major then as well? that's what it seems like is the best plan if he was trying to get into that)


There's certainly a lot of colours in this work, which I adore (I'm a sucker for nice descriptions and I'm easily distracted when you throw a lot of colours at me aha). The only thing I would have liked to have seen is different shades of colour instead of generalising into "red" or "blue", yeah? (By that I mean, burgundy, or azure, or marigold, etc) It's not necessary, but it would take away some of the repetition that you get every time you mention the colours that are being thrown around or streaked on people.


Otherwise, this is overall a pretty nice piece. It gets a little hard to suspend my disbelief though, that Sabrina and Max have so much in common? I mean, happening to meet in India when they're about to go back to the same school with very similar interests? I don't know- it gets a little bit on the nose for me, but I can also be a bit of a skeptic about those kinds of things so you can do with that what you will haha.


Anyway! Please let me know if you have any questions or anything else :)

I hope you have a wonderful day!



"Who am I? I'm just a writer. I write things down. I walk through your dreams and invent the future."
— Richard Siken