Published October 17, 2011
Looking at my refection
I am the one in the mirror
My life is what I aspire it to be
Look at your reflection, what do you see?
Is it what they tell you to be?
This is a call to my brothers and sisters.
I’ve been hiding for far too long.
So march with me if you believe there’s a chance for us
This is my deepest dream
To be who I want to be
I’m always searching for an easy path to walk upon.
I’m always seeking for a place where we can get away from all of this.
We’re searching for something more.
Something we cannot reach.
So here, I struggle with you, my brothers and sisters.
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141,439 Literary Works • 674,420 Reviews
Oy vey, my dear. Oy vey.
I understand that this is the kind of topic that would inspire you and everyone around you, and the thought is such an admirable one, but it is so preachy. So overly moral, and so very basic. Self-worth is a wonderful thing and something in which we should find in ourselves, but poetry is an art form. And it should be art not only to the mind but to the tongue and to the heart. It should not simply explain what people 'should' feel about themselves or what they could if they do what you say. This is shallow, in that sense. Like a single rose rather than a bouquet of flowers. You have one single facet in an area that could have many wonderful facets.
But do not despair! This you did something very right, and that was using extended metaphor. You spoke of a mirror, yes? Now, why don't we take the ideology of a mirror and expand. Not merely speaking on reflection but the vanity of such an object, and the thought that an object could make or break someone. Could hurt or inspire someone. A mirror could be so many things and you could take this in so many different directions.
You started off with an interesting tone and then threw it out the window trying to be sentimental and inspiring. Poetry doesn't have to inspire, sweetheart. It has to make one feel. And feeling will be its own inspiration.
That's pretty much all I wanted to say, so I hope you don't mind me cutting out early!
~Walker
Hai there!
I want to start off with saying that I really like this poem! And congratulations on getting featured!! I don't have a lot of time to write this review *looks at ticking clock and yells*
So here is my nitpick (it's only one. woo!!)
"refection" in the first sentence should be "reflection" =)
Okay awesome job on this and I really loved this! I'm really sorry for this short review and I'm sorry if this isn't helpful.
But I really have to go now XD
Keep writing!!
-qaralynn-
Well done! I ask myself that question when I've just read something really philosophical. I truly like:
This has to be my favorite part:
Well, what I said above is a lie. I think the whole poem is a favorite of mine, but that stood out to me. In your spoiler, that argument sounds familiar. Maybe because I've had it with my family as well. KEEP WRITING!
I am absolutely in love with the simplicity of your poem. I believe that you can express so much with little words and your poem does just that. It is able to show the desire to want to be heard through simple lines. Keep on writing, this was good.
-SomethingBeautiful.
Wow, this is a super good poem. I'm definatly reading a lot more by you. I don't have anything against it. So, just keep doing what you do.
Inspiring and with such simple use of language. Great work writing this. I loved it