Published March 28, 2011
This is my first post on the site! I don't normally write poetry so this probably isn't very good. It was a homework assignment that my teacher forgot about anyway. >.< I'd love some help on it. 
Thank you!!!
She Counts Her Last Blessings
Her fingers entwined within a necklace of pearls,
she closes her amber eyes and counts her last blessings.
Her eyelids tighten, the pearls slither through her slender fingers,
but she does not frown, for she cannot be weak.
She must not.
But there is a whimper,
then a stinging sensation underneath her pale eyelids.
The mascara falls as her flushed cheeks become a river of diluted black.
Tears are made from weakness; she knows that.
The pearls are released and dangle from her neck
and as her eyes see light once more,
her last blessings dither until they are nothing but
fragments of her imagination, rolled into a flurry of emotion.
A collection of what once mattered.
Blood red wines, precious gems, exotic wonders.
Perfection:
a lie that poisons every layer of her paper-thin skin.
She can hear him coming, and soon, she is bandaged in his arms,
but they do not fix her. Nothing can fix her.
She is broken.
He must be rid of her - she cannot produce what he wants.
What man wants a womb that is tainted?
A womb that is swollen, that swallows her sanity.
She counts her last blessings, but still ceases to understand.
Why does he not free himself from the burden?
From her?
She feels his heartbeat against her hard spine, but she does not flinch,
even when her eyes gaze upon a silver jewel in his strong hands
because she does not want jewels, or glistening finery.
She wants what wealth cannot buy, the one thing she can never have.
She wants a child.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,811 Literary Works • 673,689 Reviews
The poem is vary flowing.I thought the poem was vary true and composed neatly.I also loved it and it was vary moving.Good job!
I just read this two times over because I thought it was that powerful. Stunning imagery, a beautiful story and theme, and wonderful use of different poetic techniques, enjambment, etc. I know I sound a little like your English teacher right now
but that's my honest opinion. There's little you could improve open, except perhaps the general flow of the poem, as sometimes it feels too stop-start-y. If you get what I mean xD
Apart from that, wonderful, I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Amazing, amazing, amazing. I know I said I'd review this a long time ago, but I haven't been on YWS lately because I was occupied with finals and all. But, man, am I glad I remembered to review this. It is fantastic! You really get us to feel her emotion and used some beautiful ways to describe this. I do not agree with Arty about the bandaged arms line. I get it. I think what you meant was that his arms were used like bandages are because she's so broken over not being able to conceive a child. Right? Anyways, I love this poem! :D Still shocked over the fact that you're thirteen...
Keep up the great work,
Rachael :D
Awesome!
I'm really sorry, RPatz, I just can't get my mind around poetry. It's not your fault, but mine; I'm a completely ignoramus beyond poems like "cat-hat"
Sorry!
However, if you need some artwork or a story reviewed, that I can do!
Hi my friend!!!
you are so talented!!! I think I'm going to die of awesomeness overload! I wish I could write like you can!! 
I don't know how much I can say about this because it's really good! like I mean it's amazing! you rock girl!! its so emotional and deep and I love the reptetition of the pearls stuff because its really cool and it makes the whole thing feel complete if you know what I mean!
as for negative things I'm not so sure! it's sad and I don't like sad things because I like being happy but that's not really a problem is it because I think you were trying to make it sad! So! I should probably think of something real to say about this shouldn't I! lolol um I guess I'm not sure u need the last sentence or line thing where you say "she wants a child" ?!! maybe you could just leave that hanging because then the reader could guess at what you were saying because of what you said about wombs and stuff!!! but maybe not too!
Also when you said "bandaged in arms" or whatever I thought that was a little weird because arms aren't bandages if you know what I mean!!
But I think this is rly good and even though its sad! and I'm also so proud of myself for writing such a long review lololol!!
You are awesome girl!!!
ArtyChoke
Wow! Are you really 13 like your profile says? I've never met a 13 year old who can write like this! This poem is absolutely beautiful
Keep up the great work.
The first and foremost thing I have got to say about this is that it was amazing. I really liked how you waited until the last line to say what she needs. In my eyes if you say it at the begininning of the poem it sort of loses its luster. When I'm reading a piece of writing I want to have something to look forward to and you did that brilliantly in this poem. Thank you for giving me such an amazing piece of work to read.
~ShadowPrincess16~