Clutching the sink I struggled to keep myself up as I looked at myself in the cracked mirror. What I saw disgusted me. For years I said I wasn’t like my dad and wouldn’t turn out like him yet here I am drunk, my wife left me after I yelled and beat her for years, my son doesn’t talk to me…
“You’re a liar!” I bellowed pointing my half empty liquor bottle at my reflection. “You’re no better than him!”
It’s over.
I heard my dad’s voice and turned around. He glared at me and I squinted to see him through the stream of light that came through the broken blind. “What the hell do you want?” I slurred. “You’re dead! Why are you here?”
He said nothing but shook his head in disappointment.
“Don’t look at me like that. You’re the reason I’m like this!” I yelled staggering forward. He continued to shake his head mockingly.
I couldn’t take it anymore! “Shut up!” I yelled as I chucked my bottle at his head on to have it go right through him and smash against the wall into a million pieces before falling into the tub.
“I hate you!”
I lunged at him making him disappear and I hit my head on the wall and falling into the glass filled tub. Like a million knives stabbing me at once I felt the glass cut me open making me cry out.
“I hate you!”
Blood trickling down the side of my head I struggled to get up before collapsing on the tiled floor. He was right. It’s over. My life is over and I knew what I needed to do.
Pieces of glass stuck to my flesh with wet blood from my new wounds but I didn’t care as I staggered back to my feet and walked out to my bedroom. The dresser where Anna kept her clothes was open and empty from when she grabbed them. Like a dream I watched as she pulled her clothes out of the drawers and stuffed them into a suitcase muttering to herself. I see myself walk in and yell at her, swinging around a whisky bottle, like my dad used to do.
“I’m leaving you, Derrick!” I could hear her yell.
“No you’re not!”
“Yes I am! I can’t do this anymore!”
I watched the tears stream down her cheeks as I try to yank the suitcase away from her.
“Derrick! Let me go!” she wept. She tried to get away from me but I grabbed her arms and shook her just like my dad did when my mom tried to leave. The scene disappeared as I trudged forward into the kitchen.
I could see myself ripping open the cabinets looking for more alcohol to numb my pain. The pain of losing everything that every mattered in life unbearable. I just wanted it to end. The kitchen was completely destroyed. Pots and pans lying amongst the papers and broken glass that littered the floor but it didn’t matter. All I wanted right now was to write a letter. I found a notebook and pen in the rumble and almost tripped on the one chair that was still intact before sitting down. I set the paper before me and started writing.
Oh, dear mother, I love you
I'm sorry, I wasn't good enough
Dear father, forgive me
'Cause in your eyes, I just never added up
In my heart I know I failed you, but you left me here alone
If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?
'Cause I remember everything.
If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?
'Cause I remember everything.
Oh, dear brother, just don't hate me
For never standing by you or being by your side
Dear sister, please don't blame me
I only did what I thought was truly right
It's a long and lonely road, when you know you walk alone…
At the last word I ripped the paper out of the notebook and folded it up. I quickly stuffed it in my pocket before getting up. On my way out of the kitchen I picked up another bottle of liquor.
The sun sheds a golden ray upon the landscape as I walk casting shadows. Nobody cares. People see me and just walk away or just pretend I’m not there with my bloodshot eyes, messed up hair, disheveled clothes. They’re used to seeing drunken people in Chicago.
Before I know it I’m on the roof of some really tall building. How did I get up here? I have no idea and I don’t care. It’s where I wanted to be.
I’m afraid of heights but the pain I feel is so overwhelming it doesn’t bother me. I just was it over with.
I walk over to the edge and look down. The people look so small and the cars look like the cars I used to play with as a kid. I stepped up onto the ledge and looked up into the sky. It was starting to change colors.
The last time I really enjoyed a sunset was when Anna and I were dating. It was our 3rd date and I brought her up to this rocky ledge overlooking the city.
I closed my eyes as I let the flashback play.
“Where are we?” she laughed as I parked the car.
“You’ll see.”
I got out and walked over to her side and opened it before lending her a hand. She took it and I helped her out. I wrapped my arms around her waist smiling. The light of the setting sun made her blonde hair shine like precious gold while the light breeze lifted the scent of honey.
I walked her forward to the giant rock and sat down, pulling her onto my lap.
“Wow…”she breathed looking out. “Derrick…it’s beautiful.”
“Yeah it is…” I smiled. “Just like you.”
Turning around her eyes met mine and she smiled before turning in my arms. My arms held her as she leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to my lips.
I kissed her back for a while until she pulled away smiling. “I love you, Derrick.”
I opened my eyes and the pain hit me like a knife in the heart. The pain was so intense I stumbled back a little clutching my chest.
I feel like running away
I'm still so far from home
you say that I'll never change
but what the fuck do you know?
I'll burn it all to the ground before I let you in
Please forgive me, I can't forgive you now.
I remember everything.
When it subsided I was sweating and out of breath. Tears started to form but I wiped them away with my jacket sleeve before stepping back onto the ledge.
A song came to mind and I sang softly to myself as I watched the horizon.
If I could hold back the rain, would you numb the pain?
'Cause I remember everything.
If I could help you forget, would you take my regrets?
'Cause I remember everything.
I took a long swig of my bottle before smashing in on the roof next to me. It’s now or never.
Filling my lungs with one last deep breath, I held out my arms.
It all went by so fast;
I still can't change the past
I always will remember everything
if we could start again,
would that have changed the end?
We remember everything, everything.
Putting a smile on my face I leaned forward and let myself go.
R.I.P Derrick Adams
August 15th, 1973 - August 15th, 2011
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Hello Ryder,
what you have here is a genuinely good piece of story telling. I'll talk about a few aesthetic stuff in this review. hope that comes off any help to you.
TITLE:It's fresh, somewhat imperative and works well with the theme. ( I confess I haven't heard the song. But seeing that the whole title's been taken from it, I would advise to change it a little bit, maybe the juxtaposition of the words. because direct reference, to my opinion, doesn't clash well.)
BEGINNING: the starting was actually very interesting. the realization of the protagonist that he 's become like his father, something he didn't want to be like was, in terms, a little common but your rendition over the sink in that linear prose of yours made it quite refreshing.
VOICE: Now, Derrick's got strong voice. His regrets, sadness was depicted vibrantly. the flashbacks were given at very appropriate times and Derricks narration made it quite realistic.
STYLE: Linear, Simplistic, ( your prose is kind of like Palahnuik's, you know, told in verbs and very simply but has that haunting feel). the song references in the between were good. brought that lyrical vibe into it. but they were too long in my view. Maybe you could reference fewer lines. The quote in the gravestone was okay.
EMOTION: There's a lot of emotions here. mainly the parts where Derrick figures out he has become something he never wanted to.
PLOT: He dies, but strictly speaking, in my personal opinion i thought he was better off alive. you know living with the regret yet scared to die. something like that. But yours was very good (don't get me wrong). The flashbacks were okay. that part where you materialize Derrick on the roof top seems quite forced if you know what I mean. Like you were trying to end it faster. maybe if you make him walk to rooftop that might look a bit more realistic. anyway, that's just my opinion and you don't have to necessarily listen to me.
THEME: regret, depression, failure at family level.......got it.
ENDING: OBVIOUS
over all, it was a lovely read. hope to read more.
Puck
I think you used that song perfectly; it really enhanced the story. The way you developed the character was interesting, at times I almost felt sympathetic but I don't reckon he was supposed to be a likable character. I think it was a good idea to flash back to a memory of him with his wife as it emphasized the breakdown of their marriage and of the character himself. It's easy to tell from the start that he's at rock bottom and I think it was good that you didn't immediately try to make him the type of character that the reader should feel sorry for. The quote at the bottom was a great addition and worked as a good way to end your story. Very enjoyable!