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'FORGOTTEN' Ch-1 #Life Can Be Sudden

by RB


"United Airlines flight 880 to Incheon international is now boarding. Please have your boarding pass and identification ready for boarding."

"Please lay your bags flat on the conveyor belt, and use the bins for small objects then step through the

scanner." Agent said

Războinic walked through the metal detector.

[BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP].

"Please step back.

Perhaps Are you carrying any firearms or flammable materials?"

"I believe I was in a business trip, so far hunting wasn't scheduled." (unless you mean people he said under his breath). He flashed a faint smile, and dug in his pockets though nothing to be found.

"Let me try taking off my belt." He said.

"Okay, come on through. ....You're all set! Have a nice flight sir!"

"Sure" he wore back his shoes, his belt, and most importantly his watch. He made sure nothing was missing, then proceed to the appropriate gate.

"We would like to invite our first- and business-class passengers to board."

Nam goong min walked in after the call.

"We would now like to invite all passengers to board."

Wait someone is missing ahhh it's none other than Na Jaemin well where is he?

"This is the final boarding call for United Airlines flight 880 to Incheon international."

"Ohhh wai--ahhh--ttt" Jaemin tripped while trying to catch the passport he dropped before it vanishes into thin air.

Finally after a long struggle to pass through the crowd he somehow managed to find his way to the gate.

»»---------------------► Time Skip

"Damn that bladder! I shouldn't have chugged on that much of coffee. Well let's call it a day, I got a window seat. "

He put his head against the window, earphones on and played the music Oh crap! "My universe-Exo" Started playing right winter song to add to the mood. Unprecedented, it was then the drop that made the pitcher overflow. His eyes betrayed him, they were raining. He long felt the need to cry though he suppressed his grief successfully but why now why he did tear because of a trivial matter.

~~~~~ Flasback~~~~~

Week ago before the trip.

He didn't even cry when he first heard his admission to Seoul's Police Headquarters, he was hyper happy since he got the job of his dream and a chance to stay beside his childhood best friend aka Jeno. However his cheerful sunny day had quickly turned into gloomy one. What about his family, he was an only child and his departure will bring more pain than good. Agreeing his mom suddenly started sniffing as she got the pan out, much of cold isn't it?? At all he noticed her cheeks were glistening. Then it hit him she was crying quietly to herself. He went to hug her a tight warm hug would put her at ease, little he knew she would crash to the floor in agony, her sound of crying filled the room, drowning out the TV. It was hurting this view, this feeling, a dilemma indeed. Should he sacrifice his career for his family' s ease or should he pursue his dream despite their hearts' ach? He snapped back to reality when his mom said repetitively "There's pain from my past. If it doesn't come out, I get sick."

What did she mean by that? what does it have to do with him going back to his hometown? It seems like his detective mode will appear sooner than attended. He was frozen in the moment, stuck in this dark dull room where nothing made sense anymore.

He wanted to slow down his heart. His dad appeared out of nowhere helping his wife to her feet while steadying her moves. "what if they meet each other? Honey noo I can't let him go I can't let him go What should we do?" she said sobbing harder while grabbing tight his shirt. Something seemed fishy for him but it was not the time to dig further.

He shrugged it off while his dad swallowed the air and said "Noo nothing will happen. He is dead" He stated in faint voice barely audible to comfort his wife more like comforting himself, he then added "I know that we will all soon adjust and we will be able to see this more clearly as a beginning for both of us and not as an end. But we will miss you and almost everything about you, your sense of humor, your long, rambling convoluted diatribes, even your closed bedroom door. But it's not just you who we will miss, it's the light and life you brought into this home and your friends who also became dear to us over the years. We will worry about you because we desperately don't want you to ever feel lost or alone, it saddens us knowing that it might happen but we won't be able to watch your back and you won't find a shoulder to lean on when those days come again" 



Jaemin wasn't able to see things clearly his heart was in his mouth, but he had to stay strong for the sake of his family even if it was all acting. Well after a never ending squabble, he succeeded to persuade his mom, however nothing for free; he ended up with loaded conditions to follow if he wanted to taste a local kimchi again.

~~~~~End of Flasback ~~~~~



"Get yourself together Na Jaemin" After what felt like forever, this good crying spell unburdened his emotional load, He sighed heavily and said "the next time you feel like crying, just let it flo, see what happens when you play the strong I swear everyone in this plane have witnessesd my breakdown I bet the plane itself almost crashed from my mournful howl a-hhhh how pathetic great start" he wrote on the foggy window that he made: ***Don't cry I'll be back ㅠㅠ**.



 Are clouds moving or is it just that his head is spinning? all that crying, made him feel drowsy, guess those cups of coffee weren't much of help, but for his bladder. "Ahhhhhh" ( he started yawning, little by little, while gazing through the window, he drifted away into the dreamland. "Sweet dreams" he said to almost nobody but it's a habit he can't get rid of.

Somewhere in the other side of the plane. Luxurious part.

Războinic the elegant businessman he is, sitting and looking confident stock, shoulder blades pulled back, legs crossed, laptop on lap, one arm on the armrest and the other on keyboard. A confident Alpha male who owns the place.

Doing anything like nobody's business, extremely well, extremely quickly, and extremely easily. Speaking of which, Războinic has just hit a jackpot. He is always ahead of the curve otherwise their competitors will wipe them out. Well that won't happen any sooner, not everyone has the same keen business sense as him.

"This is the deal breaker for us, we can't budge." and by that it sealed the deal. Ending with a charming smile, he managed to overcome a stalemate quickly, and turn the tables on them.

***Don't get fooled he might seem heartwarming angel but he can be a heartless devil in disguise instead.***

»»---------------------► Time Skip



The plane landed safely, on instruction from the crew and after the seat-belt sign has been switched off, passengers were invited to disembark the aircraft. To take all of their personal belongings with them and proceed through the exit into the main terminal.

Războinic stayed in NY for what seemed like 2 days and night, normally he wasn't in charge of overseas' cases but this time was a change; a serious business one small mistake and his project will crash.

Well his luggage was about a personal item carry-on bag with a contract he was sure it will be signed coaxed or coerced, and as classy suitcase as him. So neat; clothing organized in compartments based on outfit type and a light toiletry bag. However there was one problem bothering him throughout the trip; the suitcase itself, sure a 4-wheels to keep the weight off his wrist and effortlessly roll it by his side.

But...why did he trust Mark again? His taste was a disaster. Seriously a big ~I love New York~ hang tag. Who could have guessed, though he can't refuse him a request he was one of the dearest people whom he was grateful and thankful for the rest of his life.

If Mark is an Alpha then Războinic is definitely an Omega, first and last letters of the Latin language; the beginning and the end, good and evil, the summit and the bottom. Likewise falling off track, mark is always there to watch his six and bring him back to the right pattern ( although sometimes it's just like carrying water in a steve).

*

Do not despair and be patient with your affliction. Relief will definitely come* Mark's comforting words will remain forever engraved in GoongMin's heart, so in his skin.

Drop~ You can't spell Na JaeMin without clumsy. "Aishhh DDAMNNN" "Airplane cabins are notoriously chilly, so be sure to bring along a cozy sweatshirt pack variate clothes to accommodate the new climate; blistering winter there you don't want a heat stroke.~lightweight flight attendant doesn't always cut it get extra food blabla bla blaaa." JaeMin said while mimicking his parents.

He then added "Good now it's just way harder to carry them sweet family you should learn how to fully get rid of the *just in case you need it' category,* and replace it with *If and when you need it, you can buy it.* instead god damn."

Jaemin put down his carry-on bag and kneeled to fetch what he dropped but someone else already was there to grab it.

»»---------------------► Goongmin's pov aka (Războinic)

(On the phone)

Cmon buddy don't need any flamboyant queue waiting for me

Mark: "Hahaha hahahaha" chuckled "well only if u consider 4 bodyguards nd your lovely shield as queue I could have hold a big banner with welcome home honey then u will witness the real drama hahahaahhahha (malicious smile) ahh silly me how was ur flight tho? C m concerned" he said .

"Srsly remind me again y r we friends? Thank u for ur big concern but nth much to brag about the landing was a little bumpy, other than that it was fine, I just crave a hot shower to ease the stress of the past days, and... fuckkk~" 

Mark:" sorry to disappoint u but I don't swing that way ┐(^_^)┌"

"Well I won't even if you beg me day and night u silly it was a statement rather than request sth bumped into me well more like crashed on me,wait is dat a box of foodies rejoice!  Do people still bring food boxes with them how odd."

Mark: I do ~

"I said people anyways c u there" I dismissed the call and tempted to take the box off of my shoes they were brand-new, after all don't want them smelling like the fragrant food.

I kneeled but abruptly stopped in my truck, couldn't adjust my vision, my words were stuck in my throat. Alarms were sounding in my head, a flood of emotions stimulated a sequence of memories back. I wasn't hallucinating, this dangling necklace, in front of my eyes, can never be mistaken .

Very dainty chain, with birth chart zodiac, three diamond piercied spots with one in red unmatching the rest, linked together by a thin red line, Pisces-Leo-Scorpio There were only three in this world, costumized only for three people.

It can't be. As soon as he raised his head up and our eyes met my hunch turned right. Jaemin~My Leo.

»»-------------¤-------------««


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Sun May 02, 2021 1:48 pm
Plume wrote a review...



Hey there! Plume here, with a review!

I think you've got some really great concepts here! I like the plotline that's slowly emerging: a guy moves to a new place for a job, but it sounds like there might be something a little more sinister at play. His parents seemed like they didn't want him to go, as there might be someone he meets who they don't want him to meet? That was the vibe I got, at least.

However, I feel like there are certain things that make it slightly confusing for the reader. I'm just gonna take some time to unpack them:

Formatting

Like the other review mentioned, I was slightly confused by the formatting changes, especially the bold. I feel like the bold was slightly unnecessary. It seemed to be around dialogue, but you don't really need it in there. I thought that it only muddled the story, and also didn't really serve a purpose.

Also, I thought some of the transitions were slightly sloppy. The page breaks and scene changes that stated exactly what they were (i. e. flashback, time skip) in my mind were unprofessional, and it also kinda shows what you're doing wrong. If you convey that information in the actual prose, you wouldn't need to state it beforehand. Also, there are other ways you could show that it's a flashback: italics are a great way of doing this. As for time skips, it's enough to put a page break. It indicates a scene change, so you should be fine.

Characters

I feel like there wasn't enough time dedicated to each of the characters specifically and how they were related to each other. I felt like you loaded a bunch of obscure information on the readers and then kinda... left them to figure it out for themselves. I think you either have two or three main characters, but then again, I'm not completely sure. I think they're Războinic, Nam Goong Min, and Na JaeMin. But there are also some parts that make me think that Războinic and Nam Goong Min are there are the same person. Also, I'm slightly confused about how these people are related and also where Mark fits into this. I feel like taking time to go more in depth with what these characters are like/how they're related to each other would help clear up some of that confusion.

Section Switches

I feel like you jump around a lot. You go to flashbacks, and then it seems like you continue the prose and repeat some events? The point is, it's a little all over the place. This makes it very hard for the reader to follow just exactly what's going on. This, combined with the sort of... stream of consciousness type of prose you've chosen makes it seem very unprofessional and not thought out at all. Take some time to step back and choose points you want to come across in this piece. Then, do a rewrite and make sure you hammer those points home. If you're sure about what you're writing, then it will show. Right now, it kind of seems like you're trying to do too many things at once.

My suggestions: take some more time to read through it. Give it to someone else to read, so they have an outside perspective. Also, look at examples around you. Either on this site or in actual published books, you can see what you should be working towards, you know? I always say that good writers have to be good readers first.

Overall: nice work! With a little bit of polishing, I think this work could really become something great! I look forward to perhaps reading more of your work. Until next time!




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Tue Apr 06, 2021 3:55 pm
stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



Hi there, stygianmoon17 here for a review :D

Humm this talks about time travel doesn't it ? I'll try my best trying to follow, but after watching Tenet time travel novels/movies have kinda become my nemesis lol. But hey. I'l do my best :)

One.. peculiar choice of writing, was to put dialogue in bold. Except it's only in the case of the main character. Such as in

"I believe I was in a business trip, so far hunting wasn't scheduled." (unless you mean people he said under his breath). He flashed a faint smile, and dug in his pockets though nothing to be found.


Was it a choice of style ? Usually bold is used in writing for chapter titles, or for the headings of a newspaper article, a novel, etc. As a matter of fact, bold is rarely used as it emphasises waaaay too much on certain words.
Then I thought it was specific to the MC, but nooooo as just a few lines later, the father begins speaking, and says this:

He shrugged it off while his dad swallowed the air and said "Noo nothing will happen. He is dead" He stated in faint voice barely audible to comfort his wife more like comforting himself, he then added "I know that we will all soon adjust and we will be able to see this more clearly as a beginning for both of us and not as an end. But we will miss you and almost everything about you, your sense of humor, your long, rambling convoluted diatribes, even your closed bedroom door. But it's not just you who we will miss, it's the light and life you brought into this home and your friends who also became dear to us over the years. We will worry about you because we desperately don't want you to ever feel lost or alone, it saddens us knowing that it might happen but we won't be able to watch your back and you won't find a shoulder to lean on when those days come again"

but why ? is it because people with their dialogue in bold are time travellers ? but it doesn't make sense.

A confident Alpha male who owns the place.
I find this line hilarious xD It reminds me of the 11 years old gachatubers who just seem to be obsessed with alpha males/females. Just hilarious to me xDDD btw, an "alpha male" is not really a descriptive word, and technically it doesn't mean anything as alpha males don't exist (it comes from wolves, but was actually a mistake made from the inventor of the term. Look it up) so yeah.

Oh. My. God
This is even more confusing than Tenet.

Okay okay okay..
I kinda followed everything with the time skips and all, I think it does something like this:
present
skip forward
flashback
present
skip forward
but the whole thing with the character changes, mixed in with the time skips, the flash forward and flash backs meddled in with a present that changes from a vast array of characters- is hella confusing. See, here, changing fonts would be useful. Bold for a certain character, italic for another, normal for another, etc. It'd be muuuuuuch easier to follow




RB says...


Owww yeahhh thank you for your review and yiur time for reading this chapter actually it's not time travelling it's just MC having a flashback of certain moment I already put the remark to notify readers about when the flashback starts and when it ends. For the bold font you mentioned I tried to use different style as leaving the pov normal while the dialogue bold that's how every word was exchanged was Bold. Thank you for pointing that out I'll make sure to change it eventually.



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Tue Apr 06, 2021 3:00 pm
RB says...







Inspiration usually comes during work, rather than before it.
— Madeleine L'Engle, Author