I only wish.
For one thing.
.
For you to understand.
About what happens in my head.
The dangers.
The confusion.
.
It would make it better.
Destroy what little worry I have left.
.
But I can only dream.
That's what my head is full of.
Dreams.
And Night mares.
.
I can only hope to win over the trouble,
that I fight against.
.
I would ask for your help,
but I already know the answer.
.
Quint.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Wow.
I get a LOT of night mares. Like my literal every dream is a night mare. I don't even know what my fear is. I guess it is to loose my family. I loved how it was so simple. It made you understand and feel it deeply, and at the same time, made you want to comfort the writer. It was overall AMAZING. Keep writing, you're amazing at it.
NICE WORK:)
URBA...
Hello! I enjoyed this very much. The simplicity in your writing style reminds me of my poetry. Anyway, the only comments I have are that the last stanza should keep the pattern and have four lines. The other would be to change the punctuation of some of the stanzas. Having a period after almost every line makes the flow very choppy. You can use dashes or simply have no punctuation before the next line. That's all I have to contribute. Can't wait to read more.
Hello! Tigerlilly here for a review!
First off, I can really relate to this! I often have many sleepless nights filled with nightmares and horrifying thoughts. Its quite frightening, really. Nobody seemed to understand why I would be so restless at night, and now I can see I am not alone.
One thing I really liked was the stanza:
For you to understand.
About what happens in my head.
The dangers.
The confusion.
I really like this because nobody really wants to be alone (and if you disagree with me, your lying. Its human nature to long for company) Sometimes just having someone be able to relate and understand can really help soothe the pain of feeling so alone, like nobody understands you or no body is there for you. Does that make sense? I hope it does...
Anyways, I love this and I don't see much to change, though, the second to last stanza in my opinion should have 4 lines instead of 2, just to keep a pattern. That's just my preference, and I can understand if you wouldn't want to change it.
I look forward to seeing more of your work!!! Your an amazing writer!