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Daggers in her eyes

by Quillfeather


Authors note: I know it's short I mostly would like to know if you would like to read more of this story and your initial thoughts.  Thank you~

Loneliness is a sanctuary. But even sanctuary can drive you insane. After a while, there is no comfort for the tears. There is no threat in death. Because no one would really ever know you were gone. But that was never my destiny, the world would hear this tree crash and burn to the forest floor.

And sure, we can talk about the classic villains in all those books that became my only friends and speculate about the nature of evil. But could you really tell me I was wrong? I probably am wrong. But for today, I will let you decide some of my destiny, you can decide what you believe of me. But let me tell you my story first before you decide to pound the gavel on the fate of my legacy.

It all started on the day when I decided to take the threads of my fate into my own hands. And those threads took the form of a dagger. Classic, right?

. . .

I sat against my favorite tree, with my favorite book, in my little world as usual sequestered away from all of society. Except for the ever so wonderful people that so lovingly kept me away from people, places, and all the “dangerous” parts of the world. I just love them. (sarcasm is fun, am I right?) Maybe they were right, the world did sound dangerous. The disease, the wars, and scariest of all, the technology. Part of me yearned for the world out there, for other humans to see me, to love me, to know me. But part of me felt so safely hidden away here.

And so, I dreamed. I read books, upon books, upon books. I loved fantasy the most, because that world wasn’t real, so it was safe. I would give a lot to disappear into that world forever. I had always expected as a child to just happen upon a magical portal one day. I didn’t expect that thing to actually happen to me. But I have been wrong about a lot.

I wish I was wrong about more. I didn’t exactly know what was out beyond the few acres of land I had spent my whole life penned inside. And I knew It wasn’t good, but It couldn’t be "avoid all human interactions at all costs bad". And really, how dare they decide what to do with my life? When did I get to be responsible for all that evil that could apparently befall my life? According to the overlords of my little life, never. That train of thought caused me enough rage to throw my book carelessly to the side and jump up. I angrily walked around the land; I knew every inch by heart.

I reached the edge of the ravine; I hadn’t been there before that was the one thing I knew could bring an end to my life. It was steep, and a long fall. I probably would feel like I was falling forever, then my vision would go black, bits of my life as broken as my body. A tear fell down my face. Whether it was the pits of disappear leaking from the sadness in my heart I tried to suppress, or things I really had suppressed. I couldn’t stop them now. I edged closer, too close, the rocks were loose. I couldn’t really understand what was happening, falling felt a stranger sensation than anything she experienced. But even stranger, her eyes never went dark, she wasn’t broken. She saw gold and silver gleaming, and she saw blood, only a few drops. But those three colors, those drops of blood, would forever change her life.


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Sat May 11, 2024 5:31 am
KateHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: Well this was quite a punchy little story here. For how short it is you've packed a lot of weight into it and quite potently too. I love the way you set things up and that ending is just incredible.

Anyway let's get right to it,

Loneliness is a sanctuary. But even sanctuary can drive you insane. After a while, there is no comfort for the tears. There is no threat in death. Because no one would really ever know you were gone. But that was never my destiny, the world would hear this tree crash and burn to the forest floor.

And sure, we can talk about the classic villains in all those books that became my only friends and speculate about the nature of evil. But could you really tell me I was wrong? I probably am wrong. But for today, I will let you decide some of my destiny, you can decide what you believe of me. But let me tell you my story first before you decide to pound the gavel on the fate of my legacy.

It all started on the day when I decided to take the threads of my fate into my own hands. And those threads took the form of a dagger. Classic, right?


Hmm well this is quit an intriguing start here. Gets you thinking right away with that first paragraph. It truly is something to think about it and then the way that you build off it there. I think its beautifully done. I can't wait to see where this leads.

I sat against my favorite tree, with my favorite book, in my little world as usual sequestered away from all of society. Except for the ever so wonderful people that so lovingly kept me away from people, places, and all the “dangerous” parts of the world. I just love them. (sarcasm is fun, am I right?) Maybe they were right, the world did sound dangerous. The disease, the wars, and scariest of all, the technology. Part of me yearned for the world out there, for other humans to see me, to love me, to know me. But part of me felt so safely hidden away here.


Oooh absolutely loving the tone here. The sarcasm vibes are immaculate and naturally at the same time its also doing a lot to tell us what this person is going through and being forced to conform with in this place while trying to exist here.

And so, I dreamed. I read books, upon books, upon books. I loved fantasy the most, because that world wasn’t real, so it was safe. I would give a lot to disappear into that world forever. I had always expected as a child to just happen upon a magical portal one day. I didn’t expect that thing to actually happen to me. But I have been wrong about a lot.

I wish I was wrong about more. I didn’t exactly know what was out beyond the few acres of land I had spent my whole life penned inside. And I knew It wasn’t good, but It couldn’t be "avoid all human interactions at all costs bad". And really, how dare they decide what to do with my life? When did I get to be responsible for all that evil that could apparently befall my life? According to the overlords of my little life, never. That train of thought caused me enough rage to throw my book carelessly to the side and jump up. I angrily walked around the land; I knew every inch by heart.


Oohh it seem to be one of those days where thoughts reach a bit of a crescendo here and our protagonist is off so let's see where exactly where this is going to lead. Judging by the talk of portals you think that something is about to go down here.

I reached the edge of the ravine; I hadn’t been there before that was the one thing I knew could bring an end to my life. It was steep, and a long fall. I probably would feel like I was falling forever, then my vision would go black, bits of my life as broken as my body. A tear fell down my face. Whether it was the pits of disappear leaking from the sadness in my heart I tried to suppress, or things I really had suppressed. I couldn’t stop them now. I edged closer, too close, the rocks were loose. I couldn’t really understand what was happening, falling felt a stranger sensation than anything she experienced. But even stranger, her eyes never went dark, she wasn’t broken. She saw gold and silver gleaming, and she saw blood, only a few drops. But those three colors, those drops of blood, would forever change her life.


Well that is certainly an ending and a half there. Starting off with a very powerful where these emotions from being trapped and just forced to live a life she doesn't want coming to a head and compelling her over that edge only for magic to come in and cause something there. Loving the mystery on that ending, just a thought of things to come and nothing more. I think its a lovely little cliffhanger.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall I think you've constructed a lovely piece here. Its really come together very well with those emotions really being quite power packed and it really ends up forming a powerful little tale of just becoming a little overwhelmed and snapping there.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Kate




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Thu May 09, 2024 11:14 pm
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EllieMae wrote a review...



Time for a Black Cat Review!!



MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:

Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret

I feel so happy to be able to write a review for my favorite person in the entire world!!

The entire first section of this is so packed with so much, but I love it. This is such an interesting premise. It really catches my attention and makes me ask a lot of questions- who is telling this story? How are they speaking to us? Why are they speaking to me? What is my role?

This line was AWESOME!

It all started on the day when I decided to take the threads of my fate into my own hands. And those threads took the form of a dagger. Classic, right?


Such a great way to finish that first little section. I love the image of threads and daggers. The realization of this being, what i think is a literal dagger, ahhh that is so good!
This piece is definitely a narrative and I love the way our character speaks to us. Considering that you are writing in first person, this is incredible! That is something that is really hard to do, especially going back to retell events.

I didn’t expect that thing to actually happen to me. But I have been wrong about a lot.


Love this ^^

Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement

Loneliness is a sanctuary. But even sanctuary can drive you insane.


Okay, I think this should be rephrased to either:

“Loneliness is a sanctuary. But even a sanctuary can…”

Or:

“Loneliness is sanctuary. But even sanctuary can…”

Using both “a sanctuary” which i presume to be a physical place that is safe, and then “sanctuary” which i associate with more of a mental safety, feels like we are switching what we are referencing.

Because no one would really ever know you were gone.


Taking out either the word “ever” or the word “really” would help it flow better. I don't think the two words beside each other flow the best. I think just keeping the word “ever” sounds great!

I probably am wrong.


Maybe change this to “I’m probably wrong”

But let you tell me my story first before you decide to pound the gavel on the fate of my legacy.


I think you meant “But let me tell you my story first”. I really do like the comparison to the gavel!! Love this part!! I love how we are the ones reading and deciding.

with my favorite book, In my little world as usual sequestered away from all society


The In is capitalized. I think “all of society” may flow better too.

I just love them. (sarcasm is fun am I right?)


I would rephrase this to: “I just love them (sarcasm is fun, am I right?).”

It couldn’t be avoid all human interactions at all costs bad.


I recommend italicizing the “avoid all human interactions at all costs bad” part, so that readers can tell the difference between the narration and quotes.

That train if thought


Train “of” thought :)

Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises

Ahhh, this last paragraph was my favourite!!

I probably would feel like I was falling forever, then my vision would go black, bits of my life as broken as my body. A tear fell down my face. Whether it was the pits of disappear leaking from the sadness in my heart I tried to suppress, or things I really had suppressed. I couldn’t stop them now.


I love the description. I know this is a story, but really it feels like poetry. A poetry novel. So beautiful. I love the tear descriptions!

I edged closer, too close, the rocks were loose. I couldn’t really understand what was happening, falling felt a stranger sensation than anything she experienced. But even stranger, her eyes never went dark, she wasn’t broken. She saw gold and silver gleaming, and she saw blood, only a few drops. But those three colors, those drops of blood, would forever change her life.


Wow, what a cliffhanger (literally) to leave us with!! Please write more of this, I really enjoy the premise. It is very unique, poetic, beautiful, and the narration is done so well. I love everything we are slowly learning about our character speaking. They have a very mysterious personality. It is interesting to me how you switch to “she” instead of “I” at the end here.

Tag me in the next part!!!

Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts

Love THIS SO MUCH!!

Your bestest, dearest, most kindred friend,
Ellie

I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!




Quillfeather says...


Thank you so much your feedback means so much! I am really laughing at many of my typos thank you for pointing them out!




I cannot separate the aesthetic pleasure of seeing a butterfly and the scientific pleasure of knowing what it is.
— Vladmir Nabokov