I have a confession: I’m terrified of words.
Crawling like inky black insects over a minefield of white
Buzzing and chittering and nipping and tearing and
Quiet, I’m thinking.
Where did they go? Those bugs in my head
Their outward bones leaping from leaf to lobe
Never did they anchor, laden with thoughts.
I must have sprayed them with pesticides
Chemicals redolent of tar and ticking
My ink-spattered head is full of smog.
Don’t look, don’t look, it’s an abhorrent sight
Bugs showering down like drained autumn leaves
Sucked dry and wedged in my prefrontal cortex and
Quiet, I’m thinking.
Not good enough, she said with a grimace.
I swatted the buzzing with a languid wave
And I swallowed the bile that I should have spat and
Quiet, I’m thinking.
The tools of the trade have dulled in my hands
Biting the calluses ingrained in purple veins
Here we go again, lacing the eyelets with doubt and indecision.
Yesterday the river gushed like a punctured blister
But today the streambed is dry as an exoskeleton.
I saw in the rocks desiccated insects, and I dipped in my toes.
Quiet, I’m sinking.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
It looks like this has been reviewed thoroughly, so I'll just comment. I like this poem both because of its subject matter and because it doesn't rhyme. After all, rhyme isn't the only poetic device out there but it's the most used.
Thank you! I like experimenting with different poetic devices, so I'm happy you like it!
Hey there! I am SecreteJournalist here to review for The Green Lanterns! Happy review day, and I may be a wee bit late, but welcome to YWS!
I will review this stanza by stanza. I write poetry too, so if you cant tell, I am thrilled to read and review this!
I have a confession: I’m terrified of words.
Crawling like inky black insects over a minefield of white
Buzzing and chittering and nipping and tearing and
The description in this is truly amazing. I loved it, and its so very true! I do think you meant to spell chittering a different way, at least according to the autocorrect in my laptop! But really, this stanza is truly outstanding!
Quiet, I’m thinking.
Where did they go? Those bugs in my head
Their outward bones leaping from leaf to lobe
Never did they anchor, laden with thoughts.
This poem is organized in a really good way! I love the single line of "quiet, I'm thinking." because it is so relatable!
I must have sprayed them with pesticides
Chemicals redolent of tar and ticking
My ink-spattered head is full of smog.
I still cant get over the amazing amount of description in this. Great detail!
Don’t look, don’t look, it’s an abhorrent sight
Bugs showering down like drained autumn leaves
Sucked dry and wedged in my prefrontal cortex and
I think you meant for a period after one of these lines? Either than that, wonderful@
Quiet, I’m thinking.
Not good enough, she said with a grimace.
I swatted the buzzing with a languid wave
And I swallowed the bile that I should have spat and
She? Explain she to us please! But either than that, again, truly amazing!
Quiet, I’m thinking.
The tools of the trade have dulled in my hands
Biting the calluses ingrained in purple veins
Here we go again, lacing the eyelets with doubt and indecision.
What is your inspiration????? Amazing!
Yesterday the river gushed like a punctured blister
But today the streambed is dry as an exoskeleton.
I saw in the rocks desiccated insects, and I dipped in my toes.
Wonderful! I am definitely following you!
Quiet, I’m sinking.
This last line was breath taking for sure.
This whole poem is basically perfect! Like really, you are an amazing poet, PLEASE keep writing! I hope you didn't die from my long review.. haha.
~Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie
Thank you very much for the thorough review! I don't mind long reviews at all, in fact, I feel very honored to receive them!
The "she" character can represent whatever you'd like to interpret it as--but my personal intention was for it to represent the self-criticizing voices that we all have as writers.
Once again, thank you very much for your review!
No problem
I enjoyed reading your poem!
I think this is so beautiful. I love your writing style. The way you put words together is like magic. The only thing I found awkward was this:
"I must have sprayed them with pesticides
Chemicals redolent of tar and ticking
My ink-spattered head is full of smog."
I personally found the use of the word 'pesticides' in the stanza a little... well, I just felt it didn't fit quite right like the others. I liked the last line and the middle line of this stanza, but I wasn't too fond of the use of the word 'pesticides'.
Otherwise, I found your poem quiet lovely. It flows very nicely with the descriptions and descriptive words. I love those so much. And also, I love how original this poem is. You did great with spelling and grammar- something I mess up on ALL the time! I'm terrible with grammar. I'm sure you'll find some in this review!
Well, there's not much more to say. I love your poem and I wish I could write this beautifully.
Keep writing! You're amazing!
~Ingrid
Thank you for the kind review!
I think you're right in that the word 'pesticides' seems a little off when you read it--I'll see what I can do about it! 
Right off the bat, I LOVED it. It was so descriptive and relatable. I don't really have anything to criticize. The only thing that I want to know--who is this "she" character? Other than that, you don't have anything to correct.
The beginning caught my attention right away, the poem was organized well, there was a good/steady beat, and it ended so well.
AWESOME.
Keep on writing!
Dragonrider
You're free to interpret the "she" character however you'd like. My personal idea, however, was that "she" is the voice of self-doubt and self-criticism that all writers have, personified.
Thank you very much for your kind words, and I'm glad you enjoyed my poem!
I liked this, and I think that every author here will be able to understand what you are saying, because at some point we've all been there.
I didn't, don't, see any grammar mistakes whatsoever, and that goes double for spelling, so good job on that.
Just two little things that bugged me.
1) Who is the she the narrator is speaking about? If you are intentionally being vague then I commend you for achieving your goal, and I believe that you shouldn't change it, but I personally would like to know more about her.
2) The links you provided confuse me, since they are the A) to the exact same location and B) to the poem that is already on here.
Personally, I think you should remove them since they don't seem to serve any important purpose. But if you choose not to, that's okay to.
Happy Writing!
HT
Thank you very much! To address your concerns:
My personal idea for it was that 'she' is the self-criticizing, self-doubting voice all writers have, personified.
1) You are free to interpret that however you'd like.
2) I'm also a little confused about those links. I'll do my best to remove them. Thanks for bringing that to my attention!