This is part two in a two part series. Please read number one if you haven't already.
"Get me a damage report, now!" "Pressure dropping at an increasing rate!" "Destress signal Alpha Zero transmitting!" The bridge was a flurry of activity. Supervisors were on everyone's screens, and everyone was yelling out random info to anyone who would listen. And everyone was listening, yelling out for more info.
Chaos.
Michelle Demphry was among the few people acutally keeping their heads. She stood in the observation room with several other senior officers, looking out through the two-way mirror down to the mayhem below. She sipped her cold coffee, wishing every one would quiet down for three seconds.
"Luckily the comet impacted the ship's cargo hold," Senior Officer Paul Reff was droning. "No lives were lost in the impact or secondary explosion, but we've had to seal off large portions of the ship. The passengers don't even know what happened, mostly, and the ones that do are being kept in their rooms."
"Why is that?" Captain Smith, Head Commander of the Titanus asked, leaning back in his seat at the polished confrence table.
"Too keep them quiet," Michelle said. "We don't want passengers panicing. We've moved the Third and some Second Class passengers to the bottom-rear decks. They think it's just a drill. We'll keep them there until the hole is patched in her side and pressure is re-established in the closed off sections."
It was a good plan. The damage couldn't be repaired on the fly, so the ship had to be stalled, but otherwise the journey would be uninterrupted. In the meantime, the First Class passengers could enjoy the view of X14-D2346, an Earth-sized planet made up of 100% water on the surface.
The captain made as if to speak, but before he could get the chance, Supervisor Edward Vince barged in the room, carring a Porta-Screen.
"Sir, we need to begin evacuations." He really got to the point, didn't he.
"Supervisor Vince, that won't be necessary. We have already sealed off the ship and arranged the passengers so that they are perfectly safe. We'll be moving again in less than a day," Michelle reassured him. There was no way that they would have to launch any of the 14 escape pods. The ship was so big, it was virtually indestuctable. No comet could possibly wreak enough havoc on the exterior of such a fine vessel as to force it to evacuate it's passengers, no matter how large or fast it was.
"Yes, it is necessary. Look here," Vince replied, holding up his Porta-Screen. Everyone in the room crowded around it and him, despite their confidence.
"It states plainly in this diagram that if we don't start moving again in an hour, X14-D2346's gravity will take us, and we'll crash on the surface."
"Well then, we'll just fire up the engines and move away," Captain Smith said. But Michelle saw the problem.
"Sir," began Senior Officer Randal Formms, "If we do that, debris from the impact will lodge itself into the ship further."
"We won't be able to repair the damage at all then," Michelle finished. "Engineering will not be able to control anything. We will move in the same direction until something else stops us."
The entire room went from nonchalant to grim with those words. Every body looked at each other, trying to come up with a solution.
Vince broke the silence. "One way or another, we will only be able to save 280 passengers and 28 crew." Michelle looked down at her coffee.
"Three thousand people are going to die out here."
The coffee suddenly wasn't so appetizing.
***
"Aw, crap," Dan Draker spat. "We got our work really cut out for us."
Dan had been assinged to the joyful job of reestablishing electronic connections in the impact zone. Now he was floating in a less-than-flexible pressure suit connected to the nearest working airlock 40 yards away.
"Looks like the plasma cooling pipes were rattled, but none busted... Tank No. 45835 is leaking liquid nitrogen, too. Get Luke down here to fix that one." He began to float closer to the body of the ship itself. "Tell Engineering to shut off the plasma. I need these pipes clear to begin repairs." He hoped that that moron Greg in Communications was sending all this where it needed to be.
"The debris is everywhere," Dan's co-worker, Phil, said grimly. Most of the Engineers agreed that Phil didn't know how to smile. "We'll never clear it out enough to get moving again."
"Shut up, Phil," Dan snapped. "Our job is to re-establish electronic connections, not clear away ice. Greg, those pipes empty yet?"
No responce from the smart-ass Communications guy. "Greg? C'mon we need to know."
Phil pulled himself closer to the sparking wires along the hull. "I'm at least going to fix these ones."
Dan knew that was a bad idea. "Phil, those wires are what are keeping the plasma levels under control. Mess with those, the pipes will burst, and we'll only have bigger problems. As it is, I think Communications are down. Lets head back and-"
"No, I got this. If we don't do something, this will all be a waste of time. I'll just-"
He never got to finish the sentece. As he reached to fix the sparking wires, electicity shot between them and ran along one of the pipes. The flowing plasma inside ignited, and the pipe burst, causing a chain-reaction among the other pipes, which exploded in a violent burst of white light that blinded Dan even through his helmet for a moment. The explosion tore a gaping hole in the hull, and through it shot all the pressure in that side of the ship in a long stream, which tore Dan from his harness and sent him shooting through space, unaware of what was going on because of the zero-gravity and his blindness.
***
"Navigation! Give me some good news!"
"Can't sir!"
Engineering was a madhouse. There had been an exposion of plasma in the impact zone, and the resulting depressurization was pushing the ship closer to the nearby planet, X14-D2346. Communications were down, Engineering had barely any control over basic systems, and plasma and liquid nitrogen were both out of control, causing further problems.
Senior Officer Sherman was standing in the middle of it all, watching the radioactivity levels climb in the Dark Matter Core Engines One, Three, and Seven.
"Evacuations are beggining, sir. First Class is loading now, and when they are all gone we will allow Second Class to board escape pods."
"Good, good..." Sherman didn't know how things had gotten this bad. They were only going a little over regulation speed... And why didn't the rockets work? Everyone had thought the ship was invincible, but here they were, about to crash land on an unexplored, water-covered planet in the middle of unoccupied space.
The emergency speakers, one of the last systems left operational, blared to life.
"This is the Captain speaking. As of now, the situation has deteriorated beyond the capablities of the crew to handle. Evacuations have begun for passengers, but the law requires that the crew remain behind. You all have the day off. Return to your families."
No one moved for a few seconds. Then every single person began to scramble to the doors or elevators. Within a minute, everyone was gone, and the only noise anywhere in any of the ship's Workstations was the soft classical music playing on the speakers.
***
The escape pod was crowded, smelly, and noisy. Everyone was complaining about being woken up from thier naps or being crowded into the little craft and being launched violently from the ship, without the chance for anyone to retrieve their belongings.
Co-Pilot Ray Vendallie hated it. Regulations stated that Pilots and Co-Pilots were to not interact with passengers at all, and to speak only when necessary.
"Remain in standard formation above X14-D2346," Senior Pilot Williams said into the transmitter. The escape pods were all huddled together within full view of the Titanus.
As they watched, the passengers began to quiet down as they realized what was going on.
The Titanus began to move closer to the planet, pulled in by it's gravity. Explosions began to light up the gleaming hull, starting near the middle. Ray couldn't look away as the Titanus was ripped in two, debris shooting in all direcitons. The mighty ship's two halves drifted apart, and even from this distance, everyone could see some of the shapes being ripped out into the vaccum surrounding them... were moving.
Ray thought of all his friends, and of all the people that he didn't know; the lady who mopped the floors of the Upper Levels, the cook who secretly smoked in the kitchen. Everyone he couldv'e been kinder to, but chose not to bother.
The Titanus lit up as it began to legitimately fall, the planets atmosphere coloring it orange and red as it caught fire, looking for all the world like an ordinary meteorite.
No one found it in their hearts to watch as the remains of the great ship landed in the seas of X14-D2346.
"Mark this date," Williams said quietly. "Mark it in the log: April 14th, 2212. Titanus, the largest spacecraft ever constructed, destroyed by comet."
***
There were 272 survivors. None of them ever made it back to Earth. All were rescued and taken to a colony in the Dermus System.
Titanus is the only ship name ever to be retired in the history of space-travel.
X14-D2346 was re-named Prethas in 2234.
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Quick suggestion: you may want to consider naming characters after actual crew members of the Titanic (e.g. Fred Fleet, the person on lookout duty when the iceberg struck).
Mind=Blown
Hi! Nice work! I'm guessing you got the idea from the Titanic? Anyway, I do have some nitpicking to do.
One, you used too wrong. Too is only used as a substitute for also.
Two, in both parts, it was really confusing how you kept jumping from character to character. I couldn't keep any of them strait, and it made the story hard to follow and confusing. When you have a chaotic story line, like this one, it's best to have one or two main characters, with maybe two supporting characters. A complicated story line with complicated characters just makes the story confusing. If you want a complicated story line, you have to keep the characters simple. But if you want a complicated character line, its best to keep the plot line simple and easy to follow.
Three, I really didn't understand what was going on in the story. I mean, I understood the ship was going to fall into planet X14-D2346, in an uninhabited part of space, but I didn't understand the specific struggles the characters were dealing with. That could have been from the character jumping, me not reading the story enough, (it may be a story you have to read three or four times to fully understand) or if I just didn't understand, but it was a little difficult to understand.
But all in all, its a really great story with really good potential, you just need to work on a few things. Thanks for writing it!
~SB~
actually, 'too' can also be used to express that something is inadequately large (too much).
Really? Whoops! My apologies!
Good job! I liked your story, even though it was a it confusing when it jumped from character to character.
Quick grammar lesson because I noticed it more than once: too is used to indicate also, such as when one says, "I want to come too!" or, "I bought an apple too". If you cannot replace "too" with "also" you are probably using it wrong. Therefore, when you said, " 'Too keep them quiet,' Michelle said," you used the wrong form of the word. You needed to use "to".
I would also say that the very last sentence is a bit confusing if one did not follow the story very closely. You only briefly touched on who Prethas was, so it could be a bit confusing. You may want to emphasize that more in the first section of the story.
Overall a good short story. Good plot, enjoyable characters. Good job!