Published October 28, 2011
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[because I've taken residence on another site, and I don't like having my work scattered around the internet.]
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141,425 Literary Works • 674,406 Reviews
I really liked this piece! It was unique, and I think you were ight to put it in fantasy. However, I do have one critique. Your opening lines seem very repetitive. Normally this is not a bid deal, but you want the first thing your reader encounters to be perfect.
You seem to be saying that the Death of the angel is not a common event at least three times. You don't need to do that.
Was there a specific reason you used the title as the first lines? Otherwise the entire first line could easily be abandoned. Strat right in with the first paragraph. That's were the story seems to actually start.
Hi there QueenJen! Welcome to YWS and wow, i love your work. Lovely. Simply great and I love every bit of it. I am not going to touch on grammar as it is my biggest problem in English.
I guess this is a typo?The details you use are great and i love how you arrange the piece of the story, if you know what i mean.
Somehow, the ending of your story makes me feel empty.
I think you should put more emotion as you have done great putting your emotions in the whole story. (except the ending) And, i love the idea of wandering into the woods.
AMAZING.
I loved it. It had great detail. I love how you described the angel's beauty and then ventured off into the feeling and emotions your charcter felt through out it.
The part that got me was you explaing each little thing that happened to her wings, her gorgeous wings, only to be destroyed.
I love how you elaborated on the minute details.
But you are right, on the capitalization on "Her" and "She." When you know it's there, fix it. DON'T BE LAZY. lol
Also, don't forget about the difference between "its" and "it's"
you made a tiny mistake there.
Honestly, I had no idea what Alex was doing there. 0.o Was he a helper or something?
In other words, GREAT
Later,
~bulletthru101
ps read my novel plleeease and comment: Blind Rage Chapter One
thanks(: