"Why, oh why," pondered Great-aunt Florie, "will people insist on writing such serious poems?"
As I got up one sunny Saturday mornin',
I could smell the porridge cookin' downstairs.
But as I climbed out of bed,
An awful thumping in me 'ead
made me more anxious to take a little air.
A hangover, it seemed, was not me problem.
Nor yet a migraine brought on by the booze.
A tiny workman said
"We're at work inside your 'ead,
And I'm afraid that there's no time to lose"
He was working, as I was soon to discover,
On a rather knotty problem in me skull.
For the previous 40 years,
Though new brain cells 'ad appeared,
The old'uns 'adn't left and so my skull was full.
The remedy to this peculiar ailment
Was to drill a hole atop my brain.
The brain cells would spurt out
Of this unusual little spout,
And leave my crowded noggin nice and clean.
"But what" I asked of them diminutive surgeons
"Is going to stop the rest escaping, too?"
"Oh, nothing," they all said
"You'll most likely wind up dead.
But you didn't think that any of that was true?"
"When a poet finds himself out of ideas,
He just makes the words up as he goes along.
And you'll find that half the time, you'll be lucky if it rhymes!"
Right, that's enough, I'm off to write a song.
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Canary word: Present
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,828 Reviews
This was really funny.
And since it's located in humor (one of my favorite genres) it's supposed to be.
I loved the ending. If you were writing for any other genre you would have more than likely been criticized for deviating (moving away from) your stanza rhythm, but because you did it in a humor poem that makes it better.
I love the voice of your narrator as well. He (it sounds like a he to me) is like a little old British (maybe Scottish or Irish) man.
It's wonderful, what you have written here, and I hope to read more of your work in the future.
This was kind of funny (it's supposed to be, right?) But in a good poetry way. I love the rhyming in this. Even though there's some... hmm, slang words, I guess? in it, it's still funny and makes a great poem.
Great poem, I loved it. Keep writing!
I noticed a few grammatical errors at the dialogue parts, unless you intended for them to be there.
Example:
"But what" I asked
There needs to be a comma in between what and the quotation marks.
~ WillowPaw1
A thousand thanks, my friend! I must confess, the grammatical errors are deliberate; they give the poem a more 'colloquial' tone (I was thinking English West country). Authorities tend to differ on punctuation in and around quotation marks, though Fowler, in 'Modern English Usage', states that no punctuation is necessary to set off attributive quotations, as the quotation marks themselves serve to indicate the introduction or interruption of a quotation.
Baffle 'em with grammar: never fails.
you misspelled a few words I would look back at what you wrote before submitting also I like how you didn't use words like good bad mean pretty and a very good topic I liked it I would give it 5 stars
A thousand thanks, my friend! I must confess, the grammatical errors are deliberate; they give the poem a more 'colloquial' tone (I was thinking English West country). Authorities tend to differ on punctuation in and around quotation marks, though Fowler, in 'Modern English Usage', states that no punctuation is necessary to set off attributive quotations, as the quotation marks themselves serve to indicate the introduction or interruption of a quotation.
Oh, sorry, that was the reply to the other post! I'm so ditzy, sometimes!