Miserable

Qoh16.

"Strife" and "life" are painful rhymes. It seems as if you used the word "strife" only to make it rhyme with "life". If that is the case, why rhyme at all? This is true for many other lines, too. "Day", "way".

There are too many poems being written like this. I don't mean "on this subject", I mean "in this way". Pain, torment, nobody understands. It's all been said in a thousand different ways. Why not write it like this? In other words, be creative and do something nobody else has done.

PurifyingFire

Chica, this poem personifies the emotion called misery. I see myself in this state and understand what it means to be miserable. At this state, all you want to do is end it. How to relieve it isn't simple. Drown misery or let it crumble you. It's all the same. I suggest you keep writing for the sake of writing and let your imagination soar as you write.

thanks.

This is very beautiful albeit in a painful way. Believe me when I tell you that girl you're not alone. This was really good and somehow I can relate to the story behind it. Anyway, the theme and plot is good but you need to improve on your capitalization and then be careful when you write because there are some simple mistakes that could be avoided to save time and be more efficient. Overall, improvement on the grammatical errors and you'll definitely be much better in writing.
Keep it up.

Thanks.

OMG!!!!!!!! when i read this poem, i thought i was looking at a portrait of my self, my own life. Girl do i feel you ! I know what you're going through...i feel the same way. I just want you to know that there's a girl outside here somewhere who feels your pain and is going through the exact same thing. I hope things turn out better for you. All the best !

Thanks.

Qoh16 wrote:
Why do I feel so miserable, like there's something wrong with my life?
Why do I feel so miserable, like I'm in this state of strife?
My heart is always heavy, constricting, like I'm about to die.
Just so you know, every time you see me, I'm crying...on the inside.
My heart and brain are filled to the brim, the brink.
Filled with the corruptive chaos I call my life.
It tortures me so much, i feel like I'm about to sink.
Sinking into the black viscera, the water, and the sea.
Drowning, gagging, and pulling me.
It's killing me, that's a bad thing to say.
It's killing me in the most horrible way.
My abuser is unknown, which is bad to say.
But unfortunately I feel that way.
What I feel, no one understands, there's no one like me.
No one there to hear my plea--for help.
I just don't fit in , I just don't belong.
No one knows this but that's how I've felt all along.
Since I was little, I've always known I'd never fit into the status quo.
i was always too weird, too crazy.
And I'm very lazy.
But that was fine by me, even if no one would agree.
I've always dared to be different, to sing my own song.
But now looking back, was i wrong?
Is being different hurting instead of helping?
I honestly don't know what to think, as I sit here pushing back people like security.
I'm protecting my heart, my sanity.
I know they are trying to help, but they are just making the monster mad.
I'm trying to find that one person, that rarity,
that one person to come save me,
who understands me enough to set me free.
So if you are out there please hear me: will you help me vanquish the demon?
Cage the monster?
Will you help save me, from me?