Dear Mister, can't you see?
How much I love thee?
I know were aren't lovers and I know we aren't friends.
I honestly don't know what we are, but I hope it never ends.
If I had to put you in a word to say what you mean to me,
I guess you are more like a brother or a chimpanzee.
No. That's not right. But i guess it is whatever.
We can figure that out later.
Now look it here mister, I'm sick of the strife.
I am sick of the hurt. l am not a puppet like Ernie and Bert.
And the fucked up part is you're acting all mad and hurt!
I sure has hell don't know why, because I am not the one who's been acting like Lurch.
That should be me, getting the apology.
Are you mad because I care and won't back down?
Cause I won't let you act like a stupid ass clown?
But no, you're gonna just act like there's nothing wrong, being oblivious and singing a song.
Yeah some things that happened between us were awkward.
But seriously man! Grow the fuck up!
Sigh. Dear Mister, I am so hurt and in so much pain.
I feel like I've been through acid rain
Mister, please please let me be free, please. You're hold on me is hurting me.
I feel like an abused woman who keeps coming back for more
Why? Why do you make this such a chore?
Dear Mister, I love you and that will never change
But I don't know if I can do this anymore.
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Well, this is an amusing poem. I guess, you've already improved on the mistakes you had before because I couldn't find anything wrong with it besides maybe the capitalization of the pronoun I.
Anyway, good job.
Thanks.
I found this poem very funny, but in a good way. What I would suggest you do is not keep it as one single stanza. This poem would flow better if you broke it up some.
Like this should be its own stanza. Also capitalize the red I.
No. That's not right. But i guess it is whatever.
We can figure that out later.
Now look it here mister, I'm sick of the strife.
I am sick of the hurt. l am not a puppet like Ernie and Bert.
And the fucked up part is you're acting all mad and hurt!
Turn this into its own stanza.
Turn this into its own stanza. Also please refrain from using slang like terms. I understand the point of view, an angry girl in love, but this is poetry so the language should be a bit more complex. The structure sounds good out loud, but slang should and does not belong in poetry.
Overall this poem was good. It made me laugh. I wouldn't call it the greatest piece ever, but it is certainly good. As for the rest of the stanzas I suggest you go through and see how natural spacing flows out loud, then you will know how to structure this poem. What I believe holds a lot of poetry back is the fact that structure itself is sometimes ignored. Do not ignore spacing and punctuation because it changes how the poem is read, and how you want the reader to react.
Thanks. I'm glad I could make you laugh. And you know I've read this poem many times and never caught that. I'll get right on it. Thanks for the review!
Hi,
i really liked your poem. Its different to what i usually like to read but i still enjoyed every bit of it
there was one part though were you wrote
did u mean – you’re mad cuz I care and won't back down? –
i also wanted to say how much i liked the lines
i couldn’t help but laugh a little when i read that hehe
Overall i think u did a great job