Accidents Happen
The light and warm breeze ran through our hair. The foursome bounced all down the street as the Spanish beat and flow of Texas cloaked the air around us. Wrinkling our noses in delight, we enjoyed the inhaling of the sugary-sweet airspun cotton candy on a stick. The smell of buttery popcorn and charred barbecue filled our noses The underlying smell of fresh tequila was very apparent in the air. Vibrant colors of yellow, orange, and red lined the walls and streets. They colored the usual gray backdrop of the world.
The sounds of overlapping joyous cries from children on rides. There were adults yelling and calling out for their lost children. Staff at the fair was announcing winners and calling out numbers for games. We were standing around the ring toss.
“Analiya put down that phone and come let me cream you at ring toss, bet five bucks” said a mischievous Jocelyn, smiling. Jocelyn Jáquces, or JJ, she is commonly known as.
Putting my phone in my back pocket, I stepped to the booth and said “You’re on, but let’s make the pot sweeter. Raise it to ten dollars.”
Through the cool summer breeze, we could hear the soft clink of the rings hitting the rows of beer bottles and the occasional sound of disappointment or elation.
“Aw. Guys, let’s go to the mall. I need a new skirt anyways” whined Karina, while twirling her fiery copper locks.
“No. We have one more game left” stated Jocelyn or JJ as she stuck her tongue out in concentration.
“Yeah” agreed Song-Ji and I. “Plus no one needs to go to the mall except you. We are doing our back to school shopping in August.”
“Fine.” Karina pouted, sticking her lip out. “I’m just gonna go walk around.” She left sulking.
At that moment the birthmarks on my palms started to glow a bright orange light that sent a pain searing through my brain. Song-Ji reacted first.
“Oh. My. God! Analiya are you alright?”
“Ugh! Yeah. I’m fine. My hands just hurt really bad all of sudden.” I looked down and blood was slowly trickling down my arms coming out of the seeing eye tattoos decorated across my palms.
“We need to get you to the hospital.” Song-Ji panicked, she is a little bit of a drama queen. She likes to worry a lot.
“Nah, I just need a Band-Aid and I’ll be good as new.” I grimaced while trying to get up off the ground.
“Whoa. Easy there, don’t make any sudden movements,” a deep voice boomed. Staring back at me was the brownest eyes I had ever seen. The deep pools almost looked gold.
“Are you okay? Is anything hurting? Are you in pain? I saw you fall back there.” the voice asked with concern. My eyes sort of had a mind of their own as they roamed down the man’s face, past that straight nose to his strong jaw and full lips. I have to admit this guy is one of the sexiest guys I have ever seen in my nineteen years of life. He had this sexy bad-boy brooding thing about him. I traveled back up to those eyes.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Just a little scratch.” He helped me up. “Thanks.”
“ No problem. Now let’s get you cleaned up. Do you need help getting to your car or something?” That’s when my friends decided today was the day to act all overprotective and stupid.
“Um, no. We’ll clean her up Mister.” huffed Karina, tossing her burnt copper locks over her shoulder and raising her eyebrows in challenge.
“Yeah.” the others echoed as all but carried me towards the car.
“Guys! Wait!” I tried to pull back. “Guys. What is your problem?”
“What is OUR problem?? What is yours? What was that?” said JJ.
“Just a nice guy, you all scared off.” I pouted. “He was cute too.”
“Sure but he was a hottie. I’ll give you that.” Song-Ji murmured in appreciation.
“That, he was.” Karina smiled, making her freckles more pronounced.
“I didn’t know you felt that way. Could’ve fooled me, hun.” I said.
“Aw, girl. That was just for show.” Karina tittered. “We couldn’t have you go off with some random guy, now what kind of friends would we be?”
“Great ones.” I said brushing my bright neon purple colored locks out of my face.
“Well come on guys, my curfew is in a couple of minutes.” said Song-Ji, a little miffed. “I am nineteen and I still have a curfew.”
“It is better than paying rent, trust us.” I said. Song-Ji still lives with her parents while we live together in our apartment in downtown Houston. Her parents are really strict.
“Okay. Let’s go.” said JJ. So we all piled into Karina’s cherry red Saturn Sky. By eight forty-five we were in front of the Morimoto home. Unfortunately, none of us have ever been in the Morimoto home. So I really don’t know how to describe the inside. But I can tell you what the outside looks like. Finally, we pulled up to her house, well actually it looked like one of those Shinto temples. It has curved lines and pointed roofs. Honestly, her house looks like the set of a kung-fu movie. The only nod to modernism was the high security gate enclosing the property.
“Well goodbye guys, talk to you tomorrow.” Song-Ji breathed as she exited the car.
“We love you too hun” said Karina.
“Bye.” we all said in unison.
At about nine, we finally got into our apartment. Now it isn’t that our apartment isn’t fine, it is just little old. Its walls crumble a little with red abode coloring. The pipes groan every time it’s cold and there is a little water damage. But it is liveable and it is cheap. I say this because my parents decided I needed to independent so they wouldn’t help me. Speaking of my parents, I have to call them.
“Hi Mom. Hi Dad.” I said when they answered on the first ring.
“Analiya, sweetie, how was the carnival this year?”
“It was so much fun, but pretty much the same as last year.”
Now here’s the thing. I am adopted. I was adopted at only a few weeks old. My adoptive parents, Richard and Vanessa have always been there for me. These are the people that I consider my parents. I never knew my birth parents and I honestly don’t want to know them. They abandoned me, parents don’t abandon their children.
“Oh, really?” asked my father.
“Yeah. I beat JJ at a game of ring toss, won ten dollars and I creamed her.” I laughed.
“Atta girl. Always the winner.” Dad praised.
"Dad I have a question."
“Yeah, sweetie?”
“Did I always have these marks on my hands?”
“Yeah, ever since we picked you up from the agency. Why? We thought it was a little strange but the agency told us you came from a little country in Africa and the marks are from some ritual.”
“Oh. No reason. Did they ever glow?”
“No.”
“Did I ever complain about pain?”
“Yeah. Once. You woke up crying about how your hands hurt really bad, you were about six.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“Are you okay? How is everything?” Dad asked in a worried tone.
“I’m fine, Dad. I gotta go. I have work.”
“Okay sweetie. I love you.”
“I love you too Daddy.” As I got off the phone, the doorbell rung. JJ was closest to the door. “ I got it.” She yelled.
“Who’s at the door, JJ?” Karina asked.
“I dunno...some dude... and he wants to talk to Analiya.”
“What?” I screeched. I hesitate toward the door, peeking over JJ’s shoulder. It was that dude from the carnival.
“Ohmigod! It’s that dude from the carnival!” Karina stated, mirroring my thoughts. “I told you guys he was bad news. He’s a serial killer targeting young women in groups! Guys, hurry! Call the police!”
“No! Please don’t! I am just looking for Analiya James. Apparently, she dropped her journal. I am just returning it.” A voice yelped from the stoop while holding out a familiar blue leather bound notebook.
“Guys. Please let me handle this.” I said to my friends. “You guys just go do something.” I stepped out onto the stoop and shut the door behind me.
“Sorry about that. My friends are a little weird.” I said jokingly.
“It’s okay.” the voice stated. “They are just watching out for you.”
“Yeah..so what are you doing here? Who are you? And how did you find me? I really will call the police.”
“Sorry, No, please don’t. My name is Juan Morales. I didn’t mean to scare you. You just dropped your journal on the ground earlier. I tried to give it to you while you were still at the carnival but your friends whisked you away before I could find you. In the binding I saw that it said: Property of Analiya James. Please return if found. So I went to the police and they told me where you live.”
“And the police are just giving out people’s addresses to random strangers?” I said a little pissed with my hands on my hips.
“No. I just convinced them to let me deliver it personally to you. I’m a sucker for a pretty girl.” he gave me that stupid cheshire smile, trying to be funny.
“Whatever. Just give me back my notebook Mr. Morales and you’ll be on your way.” I said rolling my eyes and holding out my hand.
“For a chick with bright purple hair, you are kind of fiery.” He laughed with a booming laugh.
“So can I get my notebook back?”
He laughs. “Sure.” That’s when I turn to leave.
“Okay, bye. Thanks again.”
“No problem.” As soon as my fingertips hit the doorknob, a pair of hands pulled me into the house. This is where the screaming ensued.
“OH MY GOD!!! You just might have a date! He was so gonna ask you out!!! Hell, girl if you don’t want him, send him over here.” said Karina, jumping up and down.
“I think you should just forget about him. He was just a nice cutie. That’s all. That’s all he needs to be.” stated JJ.
“I agree. I am just gonna forget about him.”
“Well what did he give you?” asked a curious Karina.
“Just my journal back.” I said and threw it on my bed. We didn’t really do anything else after that. We sat up all night chatting. The next day I woke up in the worst of moods.
“Ugh! Why can’t it be still nighttime?”
Karina jumps onto my bed looking too chipper to be the morning.
“Aw probesita! Are you tired, amiga?” she asked with her eyes twinkling.
“No. I’m peachy keen. I love to wake up with your big self on top of me.” I said sarcastically with a smile.
“Geesh. You don’t have to be so mean. If you wanted to go out with that dude yesterday, you should’ve just said so.” she laughed.
“IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT GUY!”
“Sure....” she laughs and moves toward the door. “Oh. JJ told me to ask if you could drive her to the store on your way to Bundt Cakes!.”
“Yeah, sure. Just give me five more minutes.” I whined into my pillow.
“No! You are going to be tarde.” She said smacking me on the booty.
“OW! Karina! That hurt!”
“Well maybe your butt shouldn’t be so big.” she said saucily.
“Oh my god! It is not!” I gasped while hastily looking into my full length mirror of my backside.
Karina sticks her head back into my room. “Just kidding. You are beautiful mija!”
I stick my tongue out at her.
“ I love you too, querida.” she calls over her shoulder.
After about an hour, JJ and I finally got to the mall. She went to work at her skate shop Scorched while I went to my waitressing job at Bundt Cakes!
Bundt Cakes! is owned by Miss Robbie. She is a five four African American woman who has been in our town since forever. She has carmel skin and blue eyes with the blackest hair,dark as night. She is the kindest person one will ever know. She took me off the streets and gave me something to do. She gave us all something to do. A place to hang out. She always has a kind smile and a huge slice of pretzel chocolate peanut butter cake to give me after my shift.
"Hello Analiya. How are you doing, child? " she asked with a kind demeanor.
"Good Miss Robbie. "
"Now enough chitter chatter. Get to work. You have tables in section B. Raiya called in sick. Again. " Miss Robbie said in exasperation. "She wouldn't know hard work if it smacked her in the face."
All I could do was agree with her. "Yes ma'am."
As the lunch rush began to wind down, Karina bounced into Bundt Cakes! , brimming with joy.
"Hola! Chiquita! ¿Cómo estás?" she beamed.
"Hey, girl. What's up? " I said while polishing a glass behind the cake counter. That's when Miss Robbie came out the back.
"Hola Sra. Robbie. ¿Cómo está? Do you have some of that delicioso flan de coco?"
"Of course baby ." she said as she put a thick slice in front of her with Mexican caramel, whipped cream and toasted shredded coconut.
While shoveling pieces of flan in her mouth, Karina told me why she was there.
"So guess who got preview tickets to see Magic Mike?"
"OMG! Shut up! For real?" I. while my eyes sparkled. Okay so here's another thing about me, I am like in love with Channing Tatum. Seriously. I know he's married but who cares? He's hot! I've seen almost every movie he has starred in.
"So when is it?" I asked with excitement.
"Tomorrow! At seven."
"Yay! But wait, I have work." I claimed, a little bummed.
"No you don't, sugar. We have that new trainee coming in. He can take your shift. Go out and have fun, you work too hard." Miss Robbie clucked at me while shooing me into a seat. "Now come eat a slice of pie."
The next day I woke up ready to face the world. For some reason I felt like I could conquer the world. I guess it was because I had a day off from work and I get to see my husband Channing Tatum. A girl’s life could never be dull. While I was standing in the mirror debating what to wear, JJ barges into my room looking for my straightener.
“Liya, where’s your diamond straightener?” she said rummaging through my vanity drawers.
“It is under the chair,Song-Ji dropped it under there last time she was here.”
She bends down to pick it up. “Thanks, honey.” She begins to leave but then turns around. “Oh. And we all want to go to Bundt Cakes!”
“Why? It’s my day off.”
“She wants to check out your competition.” she smirked with mischief.
“He’s a trainee not competition. Plus I’ve been there forever, Miss Robbie likes me.”
“Sure...”
Much to my dismay, my friends dragged me to Bundt Cakes! And when we got there it was busier than I had ever seen it. People were lined up around the block, we had to shove our way into the store. That's when we saw Miss Robbie walk towards us.
"Hey girls. Analiya, you came to rescue us. Thank you child. " She said hugging me.
“Um...no Miss Robbie. It’s my day off. We just came in to get snacks for the movie and say hi.”
“Please child, we are backed up in all of the orders. That new trainee is something....” Miss Robbie had a smirk on her face, like she knew something I didn’t.
“What are you talking about Miss Robbie?” I asked confused.
“Nothing,child. Now go into the back and get ready.”
“Yes ma’am.”
Unfortunately,I should've paid attention to all the hype. Also to the hints that Miss Robbie dropped. So as I was walking into the back trying to tie on my apron, I saw the tightest ass, encased in dark wash jeans,I had ever seen. It kind of made me jealous, cause mine is all jiggly and whatnot. I am going to admit, I stared for a while and drooled a little. Then I came my senses and cleared my throat.
“Excuse me. You can’t be back here. This room is for authorized personnel only. Does Miss Robbie know you are back here?”
The butt turned around and faced me. It was that guy. The guy from the carnival. I will admit I screamed.
“YOU!”
“Hey sexy.” he laughed. That’s when he stood up and moved closer to me. This caused me to grab a stray rolling pin.
“Don’t come any closer! I will bash you over the head with this rolling pin, you stalker! What in the hell are you doing here? Oh my god. You are following me! Help! Help!” I screeched.That’s when something that never happened to me before, happened. He ran and tackled me down to the ground.
“Ooof. DUDE GET THE HELL OFF ME YOU CREEP!” I screamed. I almost kicked him in the privates.
“ Chill. Stop squirming. Or you will hurt yourself.”
“No! You are insufferable! leave me alone. I will-” I was cut off because somehow his hand slipped under my chin. I was left looking into those orange amber eyes.
“Now that you are done squirming, I am here because I am the new trainee. Ok so you are kind of the reason I picked this place but also I need money.” he gave me that insufferable smile. “Plus it does help that you are incredibly cute.”
“Oh. Shut up, you ass! I hate you know that! I-” My words were cut short, I don’t even remember what I was going to say. He kissed me. Not like a little peck on the mouth, but a soul-snatching-can’t-breathe-type kiss. I felt in my toes, I felt like I was drowning in heat. It was so delicious. Those wicked lips were traveling up and down my throat column making me quiver in delight. I could feel the hard planes of his body on my stomach as his long fingers fisted in my pin curls. I almost moaned into his mouth, when I heard a noise.
“¡Ay caramba! What’s going on here?” I made the mistake of looking up at Karina and she was smiling down at me.
“Apparently a party of two.” JJ tittered. “I thought he didn’t matter.”
“ He doesn’t.” I pouted.
“Sure he doesn’t...” she smirked at me and giggled behind her fingers. “Your lipstick is smudged boo.”
“Stop laughing. It was a moment of weakness, okay!” I stomped out the room to the bathroom to fix my makeup, not ready for their teasing. That’s when I felt someone tug me back into the hallway.
“Hey. Don’t listen to them. They are just teasing. Plus they are your best friends. That’s their job. “ Juan said, pulling me closer to his chest.
“It’s just, I never do that kind of thing. I’m not that kind of girl.” I said looking up at his face. “So don’t get any ideas, bud.”
“Maybe you should, you looked so beautiful and sexy.” He laughed and whispered in my ear. “Meet me in the parking lot after your shift. I wanna tell you something.” He kissed me again.
I had to get my senses in order before I went out. I put on a smile and walked up to the first customer I laid my eyes on. After a couple of hours, we finally got the store cleared out. I have to admit, today was rough for me. For the life of me I couldn't focus. Juan was messing with my concentration. He kept stealing glances at me and smirking. I looked in the mirror like fifty times that day. Finally, it was the end of my shift. I decided to play it cool. I went to see my girls.
"Hey girlies! ¿Qué pasan?" I bounced over to our usual table.
"Someone's happy." observed Song-Ji.
"Yeah. She was getting all cozy with Mr. Morales. " said JJ exaggerating the 's'.
"Shut up. Leave Juan out of this." I blushed.
"So it's Juan now...hmmm...." Karina said. She took a piece of my peanut butter pretzel crunch pie. So I took some of her flan de coco.
"Well I gotta go see my man." I bounced out of the store. As I walked out into the parking lot, I searched for Juan.
"Juan?! Juan?! Where are you?" I called out. That's when I felt arms encircle me and pull me against a hard wall of muscle.
"Florita, I'm right here. No need to yell." Juan whispered in my ear.
"Oh. my. god. You ass! You scared the crap out of me! " I bellowed as I smacked him in the arm.
He just laughed at me. "¿Sabes qué? You smell really good, florita. Like cinnamon and spice." he said in that husky voice of his.
Trying to control the quivering in my stomach, I ask him what he wants.
"Well why did you want me to come out here?” I asked,hesitantly.
“To get you alone, of course. Plus I want to take you out tonight.” He said as he turned me around to face him.
"Um...I barely know you.."
"Then get to know me. Go out with me." he spoke in that soft husky tone, accented by his Hispanic origins.
"Yessssss...." I groaned into his mouth as he gave me one of those soul snatching kisses. I was getting into the kiss and the feeling of being locked in his arms, his long fingers massaging my waist when I heard a ringing sound.
"You wanna get that?" I said against his lips.
"Nah." He continued to kiss me. The ringing started again.
"Please answer your phone, so we can get back to the kissing."
"Fine." he huffed. The phone rang again. "Moreno. " he barked into the phone.
"Yeah, well I was busy." That's when he moved away from me to complete his call. To say I wasn't trying to be nosy is a lie. I tried to read his lips to no avail.
"Babe, I gotta go." He said as he came closer to me. "Gimme your number so I can call you later."
"Oh. So now it's babe huh?" I laughed.
"Yes and you are all mine. Never forget that. Just like I'm all yours." He said he picked me up and twirled me around. All I could do was squeal in delight, and before I knew it he kissed me again causing me to almost melt into his body.
"See you later sexy." he said then turned away from me. Yes I watched his tight ass as he left. I was so busy watching the contours of Juan's ass that I didn't hear my friends come up behind me.
"Damn! He is one fine dude!" said JJ,shaking her head.
“Girl you are so lucky! I want a piece of many candy to look at all the time and treat me like a queen.” pouted Song-Ji.
“Well you can’t have mine. And how do you know he treats me like a queen?” I asked hesitantly.
“DUH! By the way he looks at you, mija.” said Karina. "Dude worships the ground you walk on. Which is kinda crazy because he barely knows you."
"Yeah. Girl maybe you should talk to him. Slow it down a bit." said JJ.
"Well he's supposed to be taking me out, tonight." I said trying be helpful. "He's gonna call me to tell me what time he's picking me up, tonight."
Just as I said that, my phone beeped. As I read the text on the screen out loud, my girls huddled around me.
"Florita, I'll pick you up at nine tonight. By the way, I love your ass in those jeans." I blushed as I read aloud.
"Girl! We need to go shopping! Do you know where he's taking you?" asked Karina.
"Don't know. I never thought to ask." I said.
"JUAN! ¿DÓNDE ESTÁS TOMANDO ANALIYA?" Karina yelled in rapid-fire Spanish.
That's when my phone beeped. It was a text from Juan.
"I can't tell you where we are going but dress sexy. And Karina Callate! Stop yelling! lol." JJ read out loud.
"Well you know what? We are going shopping. And Juan, callate estupido." tittered Karina.
So finally getting out of that parking lot, my girls and I headed to the mall. Of course as soon as we stepped into the mall, Karina makes a beeline for Vintage This. That's her favorite store. Surrounded by rows and rows of clothes, Karina squealed in happiness.
"Liya, go try on these." Karina said handing me a handful of hangers.
I go into the dressing room and grab the first dress my hands touch. It was form-fitting and strapless. Sliding it up over my hips, the sparkling silver material hugged every curve I had. It stopped right before the middle of my thighs, and it gave my barely B cup cleavage a barely C cup appearance. To sum it all up. I looked hot!
"Come on out, Liya!" said Karina.
"Yeah. We wanna see!" JJ proclaimed. I stepped out of the tiny cubicle and I heard a collective gasp.
"¡Ay-yi-yi-yi! Mamacita you look muy bonita! trilled Karina.
"Damn girlfriend! You look so fine! I kinda want that dress." JJ said.
"Juan will never know what's hit him." exclaimed Song-Ji. "That's like a freakum dress."
"I look good. Don't I?" I smiled.
"Si!" they said in unison.Next, I tried on a red and white polka dotted dress that came from Karina's stack.
"I look like Minnie Mouse." I pouted while standing in front of the dressing room mirror. It had just way too much going on. With the gigantic ruffled sleeves and the scoop neck collar it almost looked sane but then the designer added the same hideous ruffles on the hem. those came down to my kneecaps. the really bad thing that topped it off was the humongous bow that tied in the front. can someone say fashion disaster?
"Guys, this is horrible." I said walking out of the dressing room. I heard another gasp but somehow I knew that this wasn't a good one.
"Well...it's...um...different..." Song-Ji said trying to be nice.
"Yeah...it's nice." JJ snickered, failing at not laughing. Soon she was laughing so hard tears started to roll down her cheeks. My pout increased.
"Don't worry! I can fix it." Karina said cheerily.
"But it's so ugly, Karina." I whined.
"No peros! Get el vestido ahora! Okay?" Karina attacked us with her mismatched Spanglish. That's when you know she means business.
"Fine!" I stomped back to the dressing room. "Time to try on the third dress."
Looking at the third dress I immediately fell in love with it. It was a strapless dress with a beaded bodice. They looked more like crystals. The bodice was a fitted snow white piece, whereas the skirt was very sheer and delicate. I could tell that it was made of white silk because on my skin it felt like a snowflake. But my favorite part of the dress was the deep slits on either side of me. If I had to sum up this dress in one word, it would be vintage.
This time I glided out of the dressing room like I was a queen with a huge smile on my face.
"OMG! IF YOU DO NOT GET THIS DRESS I WILL!" screamed Karina.
"Ditto!" said JJ and Karina in unison.
So I got all three dresses and we left the store, trekking our way home. But before going home we dropped off Song-Ji. Arriving at home, I found out that we had been at the mall longer than we thought. And I only had an hour to get ready for my date. Luckily, I had my girls to help me get ready. So we rushed toward the house as we got out of the car.
“Guys why did you let me spend all that time in the shoe store?” I whined.
“Because we love shoes, duh!” Karina said, licking her ice cream cone. It was coconut, see a theme here?
“Well I am going to go take a shower, if I am not ready by time Juan gets here, stall him. I walked up the stairs with my purchases trailing behind me.
Walking into my room, I threw my dresses onto my bed. I made a beeline for my laptop and pulled up Pandora. Blasting through the speakers is Refill by Elle Varner. She’s my new favorite artist. Singing along to the lyrics I got into my clawfoot tub, turning on the shower feature.
“Can I get a refill? Can I reee-fill?” I sang as I got under the spray. I scrubbed with my cinnamon and spice body rub and got out as quickly as I could. I was under a time constraint after all. Slipping into the dress I called to my girls to help me.
“Guys! I need some help with my makeup. I am not gonna get it done in time.” I called down the stairs.
“We’re here! We are here! Hold your horses.” JJ said pulling me into the chair across from the vanity.
Karina comes in a few minutes later with her traveling makeup arsenal. She’s very into makeup.
“Ok Mija, what look are you going for?” she asked me. “I think you should do something like a Nicki Minaj look. With all her bright colors.”
“Just work your magic, and make it fast. I have thirty minutes until he gets here.” For the next fifteen minutes Karina did my makeup, while JJ took out the rollers in my hair. She also put on my bracelets and rings.
“Ok we are done!” Karina announced. Just as she said that the doorbell rang.
“And right on time too.” JJ went downstairs to open the door.
“Karina, go down there with JJ and stall him. I am not ready yet.” I asked nervously.
“But you are ready....” She asked confused.
“No I’m not! Just do it, please!” I asked freaking out kind of. “Okay, you can do this.” I told myself.
“Hola Juan. Como estas?” I heard Karina from downstairs. “Ella se está preparando, va a estar abajo en un minuto.”
I turned around toward my vanity and picked up my necklace to put it on. Grabbing the bright purple clutch, I looked into the mirror one last time. JJ and Karina really outdid themselves. M eyes were outlined a glittery silver to match my dress and neon purple and white all the way to my brow line. And on my lips was a bright neon purple. It sounds really bad but I looked hot. And I hoped Juan likes it too. Finally making my way down the stairs, I heard Karina say.
A'right, so it seems Baby covered the grammatical errors already. In that case I'll review the content.
First of all, I'm not sure if "the foursome" agrees with "us" here. "The foursome" is rather third-person while "us" is definitely a first-person word. Then we have the third sentence, which... what is it? Are they inhaling the scent of cotton candy or "inhaling" it as in, eating very rapidly. Either way, you seem to have put a verb in the place of a noun.
Those last two sentences could easily be made into one. For instance, "Vibrant colors of yellow, orange and red lined the walls and streets, coloring the usual gray backdrop of the world."
What we have here is a sentence fragment. Perhaps the easiest way to fix it is to find out where the subject (what it's about) and the object (what the subject is doing) are. Let me hazard at guess and say that the cries are coming from the children- subject, object.
Now, I'm not sure this shouldn't be its own paragraph, as it conveys a different idea from the children in the previous sentences. And since the next paragraph starts with a mention of ring toss, perhaps you should get rid of the last sentence. Something like...
On a related note- now that we're aware that she goes by JJ, there's no need to repeat her full name.
Which are they, natural birthmarks or tattoos?
Here at YWS we have a mantra: "Show, don't tell." In other words, show us that Song-Ji is a drama queen by the way she acts and speaks.
Just a suggestion, but I'd replace that "while" with a comma. It'll make the sentence flow much better.
First thing- the singular verb "was" doesn't agree with "eyes," which is a plural noun. And second, try an find a way of merging the two sentences.
This isn't precisely an error, but you might want to specify whether her hair is dyed that color. One never knows- yours could be a world where purple hair is quite natural.
I see you've done this several times. As long as a direct quote is part of your sentence, that period should be a comma: "Yeah," the others etc.
Right, maybe I should confess to something. I hope the characters eventually lose their shallow, modern-girl personalities later on in the story. That's not to say I dislike them; just that internal growth is a large part of storytelling. How this review helps.
Grammar Suggestions
Did you mean...: but lets make [suggestions: let's make]
Did you mean...: lets go [suggestions: let's go]
Missing apostrophe: out Im [suggestions: I'm]
Missing apostrophe: Im [suggestions: I'm]
Missing apostrophe: and Ill [suggestions: I'll]
Missing apostrophe: dont [suggestions: don't]
Missing apostrophe: Im [suggestions: I'm]
Did you mean...: Now lets get [suggestions: let's get]
Missing apostrophe: Ill [suggestions: I'll]
Missing apostrophe: I didnt [suggestions: didn't]
Missing apostrophe: We couldnt [suggestions: couldn't]
Missing apostrophe: really dont [suggestions: don't]
Missing apostrophe: it isnt [suggestions: isn't]
Missing apostrophe: they wouldnt [suggestions: wouldn't]
Missing apostrophe: Now heres [suggestions: here's]
Revise...: the people that [suggestions: people who]
Missing apostrophe: honestly dont [suggestions: don't]
Missing apostrophe: parents dont [suggestions: don't]
Did you mean...: Its that [suggestions: It's that]
Missing apostrophe: Hes [suggestions: He's]
Missing apostrophe: Please dont [suggestions: don't]
Missing apostrophe: please dont [suggestions: don't]
Missing apostrophe: I didnt [suggestions: didn't]
Missing apostrophe: Im [suggestions: I'm]
Missing apostrophe: and youll [suggestions: you'll]
Missing apostrophe: you dont [suggestions: don't]
Missing apostrophe: We didnt [suggestions: didn't]
Missing apostrophe: No Im [suggestions: I'm]
Missing apostrophe: You dont [suggestions: don't]
Possessive Ending: A girls life [suggestions: A girl's life]
Missing apostrophe: Hes [suggestions: He's]
Missing apostrophe: Plus Ive [suggestions: I've]
Missing apostrophe: I didnt [suggestions: didn't]
Missing apostrophe: I dont [suggestions: don't]
Missing apostrophe: he didnt [suggestions: didn't]
Missing apostrophe: He doesnt [suggestions: doesn't]
Missing apostrophe: he doesnt [suggestions: doesn't]
Did you mean...: Its just [suggestions: It's just]
Missing apostrophe: Im [suggestions: I'm]
Missing apostrophe: So dont [suggestions: don't]
Adverb Modifying Noun: cleavage a barely C [suggestions: a bare C]
Repeated Word: Don't I I [suggestions: I]
Missing apostrophe: No Im [suggestions: I'm]