Wow! That's like the first of the seventh book! I don't think that Harry wouldn't want to go back to Hogwarts but you may have a point. I don't know but that's good writing!
Harry pressed his nose against the misted window of the Hogwarts Express, scowling. How had he ever landed in this predicament? Mrs. Weasley had forced him to go back to Hogwarts and complete his schooling, while all he wanted to do was find the remaining horcruxes and destroy them.
Around Harry sat Neville, Luna, Ginny, and, of course, Ron and Hermione. Hermione looked worried, although she knew that Hogwarts, the safest place in the world, was their destination. But how safe was Hogwarts anymore? With Dumbledore gone, Voldemort would have a clear path. Harry and his knowledge of horcruxes was the only obstacle, and try as Hermione might, she could not rid herslef of the feeling that this obstacle might be surprisingly easy to get rid of.
The lunch trolley passed their carriage. Ginny stopped it and bought some Cauldron Cakes in a hushed voice. She passed them around, and put her hand on Harry's shoulder.
"Harry," she said, "Mum might have been right about you going back to school. I mean, Voldemort is really powerful. Maybe another year of Defense Against the Dark Arts will help you."
"No," replied Harry through gritted teeth "While I'm at school hundreds of people will be dying, and there I will be, able to stop it all. I just can't-" he broke off, and a slow tear rolled down his cheek. "I can't let them all die."
"Harry, this isn't your fault!" reassured Hermione "No one has been able to stop Voldemort before. Just don't go feeling all guilty for deaths that you have no control over."
"I haven't had control over deaths for sixteen years, but now I am offered the chance to prevent them. What would you do, Hermione?"
"Come on, mate, you can't just go running off killing Death Eaters. They're full grown wizards. They took their N.E.W.T.s. You have to be prepared for what you're facing. I know you can control the Imperius curse, but what if they catch you off guard? And you can't say they'll hesitate to kill you!"
Ron's words hung in the air for a moment, and they all knew he had said the wrong thing. Hermione gave Ron a pleading look and returned her gaze to Harry.
"Oh, look," came Luna's dreamy voice. "don't worry. Your horoscope in The Quibbler says 'you need to learn more about your inner self before embarking on any dangerous or important journeys, physically or mentally' You're a Capricorn, right?"
Harry smiled sadly at Luna's words, but did not speak. He took the Cauldron Cake Ginny offered him with a nod of thanks, and returned his gaze to the window, where he saw a familiar, and for the first time, unwelcome, sight.
"Hogwarts," he sighed.
Wow! That's like the first of the seventh book! I don't think that Harry wouldn't want to go back to Hogwarts but you may have a point. I don't know but that's good writing!
This was pretty good. It all seemed to come together well, like it was actually something out of the books.
Well done!
-Tony
I agree with the comments above, It's brilliant! I think you kept to all the characters main 'characterists' if you like, I also don't have much to say grama wise but that is mainly because I am terrible with it :S I want to read more!
I thought this was really good. You kept to the characters really well and everythng seemed to flow. It was really good and you should carry on rting it, i will be reading! 
That's actually pretty good, I'm not one for correcting harry potter facts, and I don't have much to say grammar wise. I'd just like to point out the last paragraph was really well written, especially for someone your age.
Great work!
This story actually kept my interest. I am very.... hesitant to read Harry Potter fan fiction most of the time, because I love the way JK Rowling has written her books, and I often cringe at some of the worse ones (ex: harry falling madly in love with Pansy Parkinson etc). Even though I liked this, there are a few problems as far as realism go.
1) I don't think that Harry would have cried in this situation. I am sure that he would feel emotional distress, but as far as actually tearing up, I don't think this would cause him to actually do so.
2) When Ron is talking about the Death Eaters and them taking N.E.W.T.s, I think this clashes with a few cannon things. First off, the Weasley's are a pureblood family and with Ron having two brothers who took the N.E.W.T.s(Fred and George dropped out, for those who don't remember). So, I would say he has a fair bit of knowledge about the tests. Now I'm not sure if this is you just not wording it the way you meant it, but simply taking the tests doesn't have anything to do with skill level in wizardry. It is something all students that reach their 7th years have to take, so this wouldn't be an argument as to why Harry wouldn't be able to fight them.
Also, Ron said that they are fully grown wizards who wouldn't hesitate to kill them. With this, there are several arguments against that. Harry, and Ron for that matter, fought fully trained wizards(and witches) in the Department of Mysteries and at Hogwarts(OOtP and HBP respectively). I think that them being fully trained wizards and witches wouldn't have anything to do with it, since they have fought adult witches and wizards quite a few times in the past.
One last thing, though this is just me just remembering the book and anyone can feel free to correct me. I'm pretty sure that the Death Eaters would be a bit hesitant to kill Harry, because I'm pretty sure that it was said that Voldemort would want to kill Harry himself. Maybe this is just a theory of mine that I got mixed with cannon, and if it is, sorry.
Sorry about the... bluntness of this?
120,614 Literary Works • 651,077 Reviews
Points: 890
Reviews: 27
Donate