Beautiful Disaster

The first four lines had such great rhythm to it. The last line kind of detracts from that, though, and I'm not too sure if that's intentional. It feels almost off, because everything else flowed so nicely. I kind of don't want it to end so abruptly.

As for the content, jeez I'm so bad at analyzing poetry .-. The meaning itself is kind of missing, I think. To me, I get this idea that there's something that should be there but isn't... I don't know. I guess that can be a good thing, but again poetry needs to be straightforward for me to understand, that's because my brain can't do poetry, I'm sorry~

I'm hesitant to put this as a review but.... I tried.

So vague! So vague! It's one thing to give a vague push in a direction and let the reader puzzle it out for themselves, and it's another thing to be absolutely completely too vague for the reader to garner any idea of what you mean.

So here's what I got: time was moving, and you were captive in a moment, and there was something beautiful.

What did you want me to get? Write what you wanted me to read. Keep the idea of vagueness by circumventing the most direct words to what you wanted to say, but keep that truth accessible. Play with it in associations of words, comparisons of words (metaphors and similes), images that evoke an emotion instead of naming it. What IS beautiful? What are you seeing it? Give it to us to see, too, instead of naming it as beautiful. We are watching a person in an empty room react to something we can't see, and we can't see anything but a smile. We can't even see that well, since it's just a word. We don't see the eyes light up, the muscles move, the strength of the smile, whether there are teeth or an open mouth or tight closed lips.

What did you want me to have? Is this just you coming out the other side of something, and it doesn't matter to you to tell us what you went through? You name a disaster, but there are no marks on you on the other side that you've let us see.

I don't know how much sense this review will make to you, but I hope it helps somewhat.
Feel free to PM me or leave me a wall post if you want to talk about it or have questions! Good luck!

Howdy Purple!

Starleene here!

Once again I am delivering you a wonderfully, thoughtful review! So then, let’s begin!

Right off the bat, I notice that all of your poems tent to be one solid…blob. Why don’t you try breaking it up. Remember; always write with an audience in mind!

“held captive unknowingly;
time slid by—“

Capitalize the beginning letter of any sentence. These two lines are full of imagery. At this point your story could go anywhere. It holds the reader’s attention and calls for them to continue reading.


“so often I felt alone
now I can see why.”

Capitalize the “s” in “so” and add a semi colon after alone, separating the two thoughts and having them stand alone, makes it much more impactful.

Here, we realize that a singular person is experiencing these feelings. The POV is key here; the character is relatable. People know who this person is. They see them every day; in mirrors, car windows, and reflective surfaces.


“but in this moment, I'm forever changed--
so beautiful, I smile.”

Capitalization. I love that this was a happy ending. A bright ending can induce emotion just as much as an ending where something bad happens. This ending enables the reader to feel relief. Since the reader is able to identify with the character, they need to know that everything is going to be ok. All is not lost. It was a magnificent ending. Once again, I loved it. Your writing is terrific and you can only get better.

Good Luck! Happy Writing!

Starleene Out.

I would really love to see more about this moment. I would like you to paint a picture for the reader about a few things, basic W-questions ^^

Where was the narrator? I can see that the narrator is smiling, but I'm not seeing anything about their location, are they standing, sitting, waiting, reading, what is going on in this in order to actually bring forth this change in thought

Who is the narrator? do we need to understand anything about the narrator's personality, personal experiences, or is this something that everyone would experience at some point?

What is the narrator experiencing? What is it that changes the narrator forever? What realization holds them captive? All we seem to get on the subject are the two middle lines and I really don't see how they explain this situation.

When is this happening? Held suggest that it happened in the past, in this moment suggests that it is happening now, so does smile. I think I could understand this better with a little more context.

Why did the narrator come to this realization? This is a step further from just what the realization is, and you may want to answer this question through symbolism.

How is something that really relates to this poem and I think I put it in what, but here it is. How did the narrator come to this conclusion?

I am left with too many questions to really understand what is going on and although the smile is great, I don't know why this person, this situation, and this realization matter. If you beef up this poem into something that helps clarify even just how, I think you would have something better to work with.