Published March 19, 2011
I never meant to let you down.
But i did.
I took the girl you believed in, the girl who had so much potential and hope;
and i broke her.
I cut her, and i watched her bleed.
I hurt her and i watched her cry.
I stumbled and i fell and so no one would see me i put on a mask with a smile painted on it.
And you, the person closest to me, couldn't even see it. Maybe you didn't look hard enough. But i don't blame you.
How could you deliberately look at something so repulsive?
How could you think about me, and everything i did to the girl you loved and not be completely disgusted?
I can't even do that.
I lied, and i put up a front.
I hid behind every memory that could force the tears away.
I shut down and i closed you out.
I forgot her, i released her, i threw her away.
Because i knew i couldn't live up to the standards that i pretended the world made for me, but that really, i made for myself.
I can't look you in the face, i can't look him in the face, or anyone, and not see what i should have become in the reflection.
Not only did i cheat all of you, but i cheated myself.
I broke my own promises, and i destroyed all of my dreams.
And when i realized what i had done... i was so ashamed.
i want to grow up and know that you are proud of who i became.
And maybe you will be, but i wont.
I can't be.
Because i will never be whole again.
I can't relive the past and change things, i can't undecide things, and i can't go back to being perfect; when all i was, was potential and hope, when i deserved to be believed in... when i was who i should've been.
I never meant to let you down...
But i did.
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140,892 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
Wonderful! This is exactly what a lot of people go through in their life. People look at us with expectations, and if we don't live up to them, we're basically not worth much. I completely understand what you're trying to get at in this poem. One little thing I would suggest would be not to start most of the lines with "I", but with another word, and you can put I somewhere else in each line, or phrase!
Thanks. I loved reading it.
Quite a mood-changing poem.
But considering you wrote it on the spot, it was well-written.
Kat train... yeah, those last 3 lines were my signature. and i wasn't making excuses, i was, and still am, completely sure of my piece, and i was just telling everyone that if they hated it and wanted to tear it to pieces they could. I wasn't really in the best mood. im not the best writer, i wont pretend to be, but i am sure of what i write, or i wouldn't put it on here.
your critiques were all just, and i probably should'nt've categorized it as 'poetry' you're right. Thanks for reviewing.
(To clarify, the 'you' is my mother, the 'him' is my dad, and the 'me' and 'i' and 'her' are all myself)
VousEsEtonnant, thanks(:
*laughs* KatTrain, last three lines you critiqued, starting with "what a shame we all became" thats her signature. PurpleHeart, you did a fantabulous job. Especially for an on the spot poem. Congrats.
I never meant to let you down.Comma instead
And you,
But i did.
I took the girl you believed in, the girl who had so much potential and hope; the words are dull here
and i broke her.
I cut her, and i watched her bleed.
I hurt her and i watched her cry. I can't see this happening, there isn't enough imagery
I stumbled and i fell and so no one would see me i put on a mask with a smile painted on it. cliche
You need to break this up like :
Spoiler
the person closest to me, couldn't even see it.comma
Maybe you didn't look hard enough.
But i don't blame you.
How could you deliberately look at something so repulsive? didn't (s)he 'not see' what you did?
How could you think about me, and everything i did to the girl you loved and not be completely disgusted? [binteresitng line, but you need to break it up so it's like a poem and not prose[/b]
I can't even do that. good line
I lied, and i put up a front. good line
I hid behind every memory that could force the tears away.
I shut down and i closed you out.
I forgot her, i released her, i threw her away. released and threw are two very different verbs
Because i knew i couldn't live up to the standards that i pretended the world made for me, but that really, i made for myself. You have this structured like prose.. nice idea though
I can't look you in the face, i can't look him in the face, or anyone, and not see what i should have become in the reflection. him? explain.
From here on down it's basically prose. I can't really grade it as a poem
and here the poem starts again
What a shame we all became, such fragile, broken things. nice imagery
Wasn't it beautiful when you believed in everything, and everybody believed in you? You're a little preachy, here
You Love Me. I don't need any more shooting stars. <3 This doesn't fit in with the poem at all, it's just a cliche thrown on the end.
aka, ''I'm making excuses in case you don't like this poem because I'm not so sure of it myself" If you thinl the time you write it in is relevant, then work on it longer, and add correct grammar
i wrote this on the spot in like 8 minutes... tear it up if you want to. i dont care.