Love

by PurpleEurope

Published August 31, 2011

When I think of you, my heart beats fast,
I'm positive our love will last.
But even if the last is true,
It beats normal when I'm with you.
And when we kiss it beats quite slow,
We love moments like this, I know.
I know it's hard to say, it's not the easiest thing to do,
But my heart wouldn't be able to beat anymore, if It didn't belong to you.

:smt057
:smt053 :smt055 :smt056

Comments & reviews · 5
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SteppinRazor
Comment
SteppinRazor commented Comment · Sep 9, 2011

I really liked this, I'm a closet romantic and I felt every moment of this write. To have someone feel this way about you, just makes you feel warm inside.

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PurpleEurope
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PurpleEurope commented Comment · Sep 1, 2011

Bethy-I meant that when im THINKING of them its fast, but when im WITH them it's normal, i should have italicized normal, but the other two thought it was fine, so hahaha.

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BluesClues
Review
BluesClues wrote a review Review · Sep 1, 2011

Decent job, kid, but maybe some more imagery, okay? I mean, I know you've got the heart beating and stuff, but maybe try to add more sense-centered stuff to this. If you can. Also, I feel like the last two lines are both too long - they kind of break up the flow of the poem. Maybe try breaking them each into two lines instead of one? The only other thing is, I was a little confused - it sounds like the narrator has a crush on one person and is dating another. (Or am I reading too much into this?) That might be because you italicized "you" in the first line and the fourth line...but then towards the end it sounded like the narrator was going to break up with the second "you," but then at the VERY end it sounded like she didn't want to...can you clarify what exactly is going on here? TELL ME!!!

-you know who :P

P.S. Did anyone get the message I left about Labor Day and the Zoo?

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keekers11
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keekers11 commented Comment · Aug 31, 2011

This was very good! I liked how you kept your poem short and sweet. Longer poems, in my opinon, tend to be a little boring. I liked how you made 'you' a different font. It really gives the poem some character. Keep up the good work.

Rock n' Roll Queen wrote a review Review · Aug 31, 2011

This is really cute!

But my heart wouldn't be able to beat anymore, if It didn't belong to you

This is my favorite part. I usually hate poems like this (can't stand sappy poems) but this one made me smile.
Great job!
Happy Writing!



[as a roleplayer is feeling sad about torturing her characters] GrandWild: "You're a writer, dear. Embrace it."
— GrandWild