Published June 10, 2005
6-10-05
Flamethrower image,
crumbleing norteamericanos
pizza-pie connections
ddarkness,
darkness,
dimness
The family poem
The family song y carol
–The Family–
Two seasons, in one sitting
I’m a superhero, I love you
Pen, I love you dream,
I love you out of–
control, cockareolledo,
goes the chicken its me its sad.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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141,249 Literary Works • 674,329 Reviews
lol, well, i still have that email address and got a notification that for the first time in about a decade i got a message. I didn't intend this to be funny, and it isn't intended to be 2 poems either, really just some almost-psychedelic drug-induced feelings I had back then.
oh also, this poem is now published in a poetry collection of mine; i've published seven poetry collections. Ho hum. Good stuff.
Hey there dude.
I think that you were going for some humor poetry, maybe even going for troll poetry. Always nice to see those sorts of poems on yws but I'm laughing more at the fact you didn't get any replies, which defeats the point. I personally did not care for this set up, even though humor poetry is my favorite thing. You tried to combine two separate poems in the same post but that doesn't really work out here, because it's just too much going on. If you wanted to integrate these two poems together, it would have been better not to split them up so much and have an actual transition between them.
And I could always try to review this as two separate poems but obviously, on some level, you meant for them to be together. I see the baiting in your title for some nonsense about the chicken punchline, but man, you have to have an actual lead up to the punchline. There's no substance before the readers get all the way down to the bottom and I do see now how you were trying to integrate the two poems. It's really just not working for me as a reader and I won't be able to appreciate this on any sort of level.
So my advice for humor poetry usually ends up being along the lines of take your poem a little bit more seriously, if you don't want people to take your poem seriously. That's a little bit of a weird concept to try and explain to people, and since no one is ever going to see this review, I'll probably save the concept for when I need an article next week.
Happy revmo.
Hope you got attention all the way back then.
- lizz
comments from someone, anyone? Please?
I wrote this while falling asleep with my eyes closed, and my favorite color is orange I think.