Published March 24, 2006
Fizzling Selfless
1-31-06
Fizzling.
Catching on something, a splinter,
mirrors tell of sunken eyes.
a future shrouded by shrieking sympathy
in the loneliness of a skull, neurons firing
like city business, but the sun goes away
.
sometimes, there is no safety from the Torturer,
curling infinitely forward, back, slender arachnid legs,
hugging.
sometimes, you beg, there is no fire,
and God’s silence haunts, like elusive smallpox
sometimes, there is no one to watch you cry,
shriek into the abyss, there is no echo, &
no one can protect you from this past you’re dying, &
kiss poetic solitude loneliness bitterness airplanes
cutting through the silent sky,
above the silent testing-grounds of the gods.
others cry alone, too.
old woman, ready to die, husband
a myth to her grandchildren, her life
a myth to her grandchildren,
independence shaken to the ground, fragile &
waiting for death among the sad cubicle stalls
square rooms, machines bleeping cheerlessly
nurses, overworked and inhuman, they’re scissored
into career of stifled hyperventilations,
your pain is the atmosphere
which they glide, terrified, above.
at home, they cry,
lost to the darkness of the den
into the darkness behind walls, into
television insomnia, infomercial dry-heaves
hearts flickering through the void.
the street throbs with its caffeinated messengers,
they go to work together,
go through the dance together, but
they always dance alone.
Late at night, they cry
when you dream, if you dream.
when you kiss the mirror and imagine
when you laugh through banquets
when you’re smothered,
every moment, human tears fall
(there is no mother)
generation to generation
to tomorrow’s sky.
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Canary word: Present
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140,567 Literary Works • 673,442 Reviews
Very Nice, Your imaginary is very cool. I like your way of words lol they remind me of a friend of mine. Your Grammar is Fine ! No Complaints at all. But I have to agree the double spaces did kinda bother me
fav. line !
Most of your poetry is very enjoyable because you convey flashing image after image that somehow seem related, and beautiful - sharing a common underlying feeling. Still, I feel that you can become overwhelmed with these images and emotions and you can obscure the point. I liked the format of the poem - sort of casual.
I might write another critique when if haven't just endured hours of education.
Hmm...unbanned I see! Well, all I can say is that I have an ampersand fetish and I count two of them in your poem, so it's okay by me!
On a serious note, I really do like this. I actually felt this poem had its source somewhere inside of you, rather than being blasted at someone/something you feel love/hate.
Good piece,
Brian
Hugs Psy!
- If I had to pick a fav line, this would be it.The only thing that bugs me is the double space. And what's really interesting, I was reading this while Creek Mary's Blood by Nightwish was playing and it that song fits this poem like a velvet glove.
Not really anything else. I disagree with Nameless though, structurally this poem is fine.
Ciao CL.
Hm, okay.
I'm only going to say one thing.
Please, please work on your mechanics/grammar.
It kills me when people don't have good mechanics/grammar in poems.
That is all.