Published October 10, 2005
DOOM ROOM
I am slandered, slayed,
sprawled out,
I shudder, am
splayed, I am
crucified
under the arrogant weight.
Stop,
Bob-Fucking-Dylan, cuz I
know
that amphetamines screamed
in the late swishy-blood sixties,
I know that you were
a rolling stone in 1966, tumbling through Europe like an electric
glacier, I
know, we’ll scream, no,
I
Know!
so stop playing in my throbbing braintime head,
make blues less of a drowning ocean, and
make folk less of a ghost shriek.
Ah, uck, Damn!
fuck! make your drum-roll end.
I wave through water
like an autistic boi,
am
an electric rainstick thrust to melt,
see
the man burning black on the sun,
feel
the pounding of a dying man’s last rites,
kill tonight
by falling asleep from thee
nightmare.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,252 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
That was great, extreamly powerful stuff. I wish my writing was as good as that!
Well, don't get me wrong, it was definitely a work of art. Every description was startaling and mind shattering. But the angry outbursts, while adding to the meaning of the poem, took away to whatever rhythm it had. Not that it has to have rhythm to be outstanding, which it is, but it was a comment I felt like noting. I loved the references to being "crucified under the arrogant weight" and the "man burning black on the sun". The rest of the last stanza, however, was a downpour or untied images that was a burdern to read....
yes.
Wow. I feel like I've been punched in the gut. Very powerful. You combine words in ways I never would have imagined.
Your title is a real turn-off, though, If you weren't the author, I never would have read it. Are you trying to make fun of other subject lines?
I like the wordplay.