everything within

Hi Prudence! I know this has already left the green room, but it caught my eye and I thought I may as well leave a short review!

I love a prose-styled poem! Though this one definitely reads quite rhythmic with its list-like quality, which makes for a nice flow throughout.

A noteworthy feature that stood out to me was the lack of one single scene or moment, and rather a list of smaller pieces / moments / things that are of meaning to the speaker in some way. I like this. And I like that there's no noticeable, prominent speaker, but rather hints of the speaker's life and moments that shine through in each description, that don't leave an identifiable trail back to the speaker. We're getting a glimpse without it being too overt in nature which complements the vagueness of the title well and balances relatability with specificity in imagery.

Speaking of the title, my interpretation here is that all things listed pertain to "everything within" --> the abundance of wonders / memories / moments that speak to the narrator in some way, whether good, bad, ugly, vulnerable. There's a lot of raw and jarring imagery that isn't exactly romantic in language, and quite direct (eg "the pit of dread, unhinging its jaw and opening wider still" which I loveee) but that lends itself to the nature of being human. There's clearly a strong juxtaposition in the softer, beautiful things with harsher, almost damaging that is being explored. This seems to be emphasized with the colored, central text "a poet's heart and a viper's tongue" which I thought was clever! Heart vs. tongue already has a natural juxtaposition, and poets being viewed as soft and artistic vs. snakes having a biting, feral quality works well to bring your point home. I feel like everything listed could be viewed as quite mundane or rather ordinary, but there's an emotional weight behind each that is impactful as a reader.

I like the repeated structure at the end with "something feral, pacing" and "something tender, hiding". These also seem to encapsulate the feelings expressed earlier in the poem as well, showing the kind of juxtaposition of softness / harshness of humanity that the speaker so strongly feels. I think wraps up everything well, if slightly on the nose.

The overall progression of this is quite interesting to me! In the beginning, we're fed with relatively vague imagery (in the sense that it is detached from the speaker's personal life) which then transitions later to quite specific descriptions of the speaker's parents, grandmother, and someone unnamed ("your voice"). This is interesting to me. On the one hand, I like that we ease naturally into the specificity, but it also raises questions for me about the unnamed "you", the speaker's relationship with their family, etc. which are ultimately left untouched and unanswered. In this way, these descriptions lose the impact I think they were meant to have? For example, I don't have a strong sense of what "your voice" might mean, whether it being an example of a harsher / softer thing to the speaker. I'm not sure if this was intentional, but I thought it was interesting and worth noting nonetheless!

Overall, I loved this and hope to read more from you soon!

Calamity

heyyy there <3

so this poem immediately drew me in, especially its formatting. slash poetry (as i call it, not sure if there is a proper name) is such a unique and intriguing style that is so fun to experiment with!

one of my favorite things about this poem is how the title doesn't explicitly make sense until you read the entire poem. i'm such a fan of a "vague title --> defining content" kind of poem.

although this work is almost a list, it is incredibly cohesive. each image builds on the next, whether it is enhancing/building on emotional state, or shocking the reader out of the buildup (e.g: endless and inescapable dissatisfaction/ coloring books).

note: not technically an issue since the spelling of jewelry alters with geography (i'm from the us, hence my spelling): jewellery v. jewelry. just something to be aware of.

one problem i had was the abruptness of the "moonlight and stardust" progressing to "my grandmother's fireplace." it felt very off to have rapid fire short phrases all stacked up on eachother, especially considering the weight of some of those phrases (e.g "your voice"). perhaps adding in a slightly longer line that strengthens the progression?

another slight problem that i had with this piece was the ending, specifically the line "something tender, hiding." although it pairs well with the previous line, i had a personal issue with it. this may be a personal opinion, but it feels slightly unfinished, and i'm left sort of waiting for the climax/ending line to drop.
that said, one could also interpret this poem as a loop, with the purple line (brilliant formatting and quality by the way) as the emotional center and climax. this poem is very open to interpretation, so please feel free to disregard any of my opinions.

amazing poem, be proud <3

hey there Prudence!

It's nice to see more poets around here!

So, I really like the form of this. I love experimental / uniquely formatted poetry! I think the whole slash-separated catalogue thing makes this poem feel like an inventory of selfhood, like the narrator is trying to define someone by laying out every object and impulse they contain. The movement from small children to perfume to more abstract ideas like temper, to me, creates a sense that the narrator is a little lost, maybe at a crossroads. It feels scrapbook-like too -> I got the idea that it's something like they have dumped all of these contents onto the floor and refused to sort them into a neat autobiographical order. I like that a lot, especially with the scope of your images and how they develop over the narrator's life.

The highlighted purple phrase is obviously the main image here, and I think it works well because the whole poem is built out of oppositions - the narrator keeps circling back to ideas like tenderness versus violence, childhood versus dread, love versus dissatisfaction, domesticity versus ferality, etc. The narrator also keeps showing their complications through the accumulation of things that are, well, within them. I actually prefer the less explanatory images around that concept, like the cigarettes. Those are more alive to me because I think they spend less time focusing on WHY the narrator keeps them and more on HOW it shapes them, intentionally or not. We all keep things inside of us, after all, so I think it makes this poem feel very human in a nostalgic, fleeting way.

However, I do think the list structure could flatten some of your images? That's not to say I don't enjoy it, but for instance, "unconditional and endless love for you" sits beside "train tickets and receipts," which is interesting, then "the deep and beckoning abyss" and "the pit of dread" both pull the poem into a more generalized gothic register. Is that intentional? I'd suggest to think about some of your broader abstract lines and decide whether they complement the poem in the way you intend -> I like the personal feel throughout this, but I do think it is a little crowded with ideas at the moment, and most of them don't have time to "shine" in a way that ties into all of your other imagery. Why dissatisfaction? What does "kindness" mean in this situation? Things like that! Why do they matter equally to the narrator?

Very compelling poem overall though! Nice work!

best,
cocteau