This really has a powerful meaning but some lines seem forced to me. It would also help if you parted the last part into two separate pieces so it didn't look so much like a paragraph:
1)The walls always held an ice cold dampness,
The floor was dark grey, showing the prison’s glumness.
*It reads a bit odd to me because it doesn't rhyme like the rest of the poem.
2)Seasons gone by, their change unnoticed,
Prisoners gone, skinniest to hugest.
*unnoticed and hugest don't rhyme either.
3)The sheets and pillows were always so musty.
*This doesn't need the word "so"
4)I slid down my sheet, into the grass,
Slippery and wet, and covered with moss.
*Grass and moss don't rhyme either.
*Also, some lines are a little too long.
**Okay that's it! Altogether I really liked the story/poem method you used. It was a story but read very much like a poem, and an interesting story at that. Great job!
Keep it up!
~Rieda
Points: 4890
Reviews: 516
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