Young Writers Society

Hey there, Theus!

Well, we know each other, so no need for introduction.. I will, however, tell you that I'm not a poet, so everything I say will be used against me on the Court of Law be my honest opinion on your words, which you are free to listen to or disregard completely xD

Firstly, I liked the way it was written, with the difference in the formatting of the first and last verse.. I was kind of happy to see that you did it in the end just as in the beginning, as it turned up nicely rounded that way.

I know that you
Don’t enjoy my flattery,
And that my common words
Lack any mastery.
So read nothing more
That I write in your name.
Although I do it for you,
And it is not meant for gain.

Hello there Prometheus! Dogs here with your review today. Okey dokey, I enjoyed reading this piece, it has a nice idea. I think where the poem is strongest is in your smooth rhythm, in this kind of poem where it lacks imagery and descriptors, flow is a necessity. So most of my nitpicky notes are related to that.

"Do not read this if you do not want to,"

I think the middle of your writing is pretty darn spot on in terms of the rhythm and flow of it, however I'm not sure why you have these longer lines at the beginning and end. At first glance I thought this was a note for the poem, definitely cut this line in half. Or you can greatly shorten it, try saying something like: "Do not read this if you don't want to,/ but truly, I can scarcely stand/ a day without you."

"So read nothing more"

I know this isn't your intent, but this line comes off as that you're telling your betrothed to not read anything more than her name. What I think you're going for is that if she doesn't want to, she doesn't have to read anything more than her name. Just try to clarify that bit.

"And it is not meant for gain."

You do pretty darn good with your rhyming for the most part, but here is the first time it sounds a little bit forced. Try to re word, it's nit picky I know.

"And, I am sorry that you read it then"

I think the third stanza is pretty solid, nothing much to comment on there. However, this lline bugs me. If you read it aloud as a normal sentence it just sounds off. I think that you could just cut this line out and it wouldn't have any negative effects on your poem.

I love your last line, excellent imagery and word choice there. I think I would have like to have seen more of that earlier in the piece, but hey whatever floats your boat. On a side note though, you really need to break those two lines in half to help the flow. All and all a great piece and I enjoyed reading it. I hope my comments were helpful, let me know if you ever need a review. Keep up the good work!

TuckEr EllsworTh