Hey Prok, here cause I harassed the chat for something to review and look, I got what I asked for. Thank you!
The other, who had a lovely head of blond curls, shifted nervously as if he were about to poop his pants.
After reading a line like this, I don’t know how much more amazing a story can get.
You’re so blunt and it’s awesome.
Dialogue
I really liked the dialogue here. For one thing, they’re arguing sounded just like the way it did when my brother and I used to fight…which was only all the time. Not only that, but their voices seemed like that of children, about the age I assumed they are supposed to be, in that 10 to 13 range which is sometimes really hard to get just right. Most will make this particular age range read as either too young or two old.
Not only that, but I love the line:
"I'm on to you, peewee! You're not riding in my ship again!"
So much fun. I got a good laugh out of it.
Plot
I have to say, this is really one of the most original plots I’ve ever seen. The general idea of “overcoming your fears and stuff” but it’s done in such a unique setting. I’ve been stuck in water slide ride lines for long periods of time (I grew up next to the water park with the states tallest water slide) but I never had experiences there that I would have considered story-worthy. Anyway, the creativity and originality are amazing.
Characters
I like that they are such a distinct brother pair. Obviously, they have very unique personalities but they still show those basic brother instincts like the fact that they went together or the fact that they fight, as most brothers do (at least as far I’ve ever seen).
Anyway, I really liked this and I’m going to go read part two.
~lilymoore
Points: 28467
Reviews: 675
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