Our reality is created in our minds. Our minds are the lynch pin to this dimension, without it we would drift away on the river of consciousness and thought. Our minds are strong they snap us back to reality and force the horrible truths that are in our lives. However, they are fragile, one slip of new information could break our fragile minds. My mind, I thought was strong, I thought I was strong. I was weak compared to what I saw and what happened. My life was sorta normal and I thought it would never change no matter how lonely it was. Until I met the girl that changed my life forever and made me see the messed world that we live in. I was forced to see how our decisions create monster and what ugly monsters we are.
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140,561 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okay...I do wonder if this is the start to a bigger novel or a piece that's meant to stand alone cause with this kind of content and the title it could in fact stand alone, while that ending does also seem to be hinting that perhaps this is a story that we shall get to hear in more detail.
Anyway, moving to the actual piece itself, this is definitely one that gets you thinking right away especially with the sort of opening this has attached to it here. Its a very interesting take on what reality is and it looks to be from the perspective of someone that gone through some pretty tough things in life here and they seem to have been in a situation where things were on a long downward spiral before things were somewhat helped by this other individual mentioned here.
It appears this one ended up helping the protagonist quite a bit here and as a result everything seems to have been revealed or something along those lines which I assume also shows that perhaps things got better from the horrifying version of reality that appears to be depicted here. Well at any rate, this piece definitely got my attention quite well here and it seems like the sort of thing that I would read here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Since this is a spoiler, I'm guessing this is supposed to be like the back cover of a book. That is, you're trying to rope the reader in with an enticing summary of the events that take place within the pages.
Looking at this summary from that perspective, I have to be honest and say that I would not read the book. It may turn out to be extremely well-constructed and thought-provoking (the summary certainly does hint toward the book being a thought-provoking piece), but the summary makes it seem jumbled and confused. For example, you talk of minds being fragile with a new piece of information destroying them, but the speaker's view of the world gets totally upended without his mind breaking apart.
However, I do think the general idea here is a strong one and follows along in the great tradition of novels like 1984 and A Brave New World, and films like the Matrix.
Hey, Prince:)
Cheetah is right: this is interesting. I'd love to see how all this about thought and perception tie into this, I'm assuming, romantic experience, and how you'll do it.
But, I think there are a few problems - mostly mechanical.
Firstly, the composition of this piece doesn't really seem...well...*composed*. It doesn't read as if it's been edited; it's very rough - like the draft of a draft. There isn't much efficient use of literary mechanisms, and it makes for a very dry feel. And, as a result, I feel almost like I'm having an out-of-body experience; hovering over the story instead of dwelling in it.
And it's repetitive...but it may just be the formatting here that distorts that effect I think it's supposed to have, since I also think the repetition in places is intentional.
Basically, I feel like this is relying too heavily on the ideas and maybe the hint of a chaotic plot. I feel that you should rewrite this so that the reader is just as compelled by your use and mastery of language to continue reading, as they are by the plot implicated.
Again, I think this could be great, if not brilliant. It just needs some technical brushing-up.
Cheers! Keep writing.
-Max
This looks interesting! If you would like me to review your future chapters, just let me know.