I woke up, burnt my hands from the faucet, and slathered on French pharmaceutical hand cream. Grandpa told me about when he took the L train to meet an old friend at a diner in the West Village. I wrote in my head while the sky drained itself in the ten minutes it took him to tell me how he earned his first million:
They went to the Square Diner. Grandpa made sure to mention his infatuation with their omelettes and how he accidentally knocked over the salt, then scooped it up and tossed it behind his shoulder.
“At some point in this life… I’ve uh… become very analytical but not quite calculated-” He reflects.
I met with my father, uncle, grandmother, and two great uncles to sort his will two years later. I remember distinctly wearing a low-back polyester dress and black kitten heels to the estate lawyer’s office. I curled my hair nicely and ate breath mints. My mouth felt like a calcified object and I prayed for a sip of something hot to melt the peppermint cast on the interior of my mouth. Just a little to get me through the four hour meeting. I found departure tempting when my grandma began sobbing at the prospect of pawning his wedding ring. The lawyer apologized for even suggesting it and took $80 from our fees for mentioning it. Good guy, frankly.
Grandpa’s net worth was 5.3 million. I was surprised because I had always thought it was three million. He left me with $200k, a bookshelf, and a few alpaca fur sweaters which I later found out retailed for $300 each. I immediately put $60k away to cover tuition for the next year and my sorority fees. I told my dad to hold on to the rest, scared of what I might do if I was left with that kind of money.
Back at his place to collect our new belongings, I rummaged through his office drawers whilst everyone else was upstairs going through his bedroom. I found a few items I could keep for sentimentality since I knew nobody wanted the clutter stuffed into his desk. I took a paperweight, a couple moleskin journals, a framed picture of my grandmother on her wedding day, and a few ink cartridges for my printer at home. I stuffed those into my purse and headed out before everyone else, but not before hugging everyone goodbye and asking my dad to hold onto the money I knew I shouldn’t keep. I took a five hour commercial flight back to Brooklyn, took the same L train he took, got to my flat and tried on the Alpaca sweaters.
It was now 11pm. I shimmied in front of my full length mirror and tossed each sweater onto the chair at my desk when I was done wearing it. Each plush sweater piled at my desk and stayed there for a few nights; I think there were four or five of them.
I look down at our city: everything looks strange, and perspective doesn’t work anymore.
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hi there PrettyOdd!
I wrote some of a review for this, so I might as well finish it.
This is very compelling, especially in the way it handles inheritance! It's so mundane in its descriptions, but I thought that the mundanity immediately adds to the sensory details throughout. The body is always being registered here, like the burnt hands, alpaca sweaters against the skin, etc. I like how that is juxtaposed with the narrator's grief -> it leeches into everything around them, leaving a residue. I love that the grandfather’s wealth is never introduced with melodrama too. It's easy to write about grief from a purely material perspective, but the narrator here seems to be juggling the material he left behind and their emotional bandwidth.
^ The grandfather is a little vague though. He is vivid in fragments, but the narrator’s relationship to him remains mediated through money; why? I don't want sentimentality, necessarily, but some more details surrounding their relationship could make him feel more like a character and not a plot point to drive the narrator's own internal revelations.
I also think, at times, your strongest material is interrupted by its own cleverness. You say a lot of VERY interesting, intelligent things, but you say them all condensed into a paragraph. Like: "Good guy, frankly." I like this sentence, but I wish the narrator had more meta-ish moments like that throughout. Moments like that work best when they HEIGHTEN uncomfortable ideas instead of solely signaling irony, even if they are meant to be little asides.
Then, the ending comes - I think you could expand on the ending more. While I do like the whole "everything looks strange, and perspective doesn’t work anymore" thing, I think it feels flat compared to your earlier descriptors. Surely you can find a way to express that idea without saying it outright, right? Your prose focuses a lot on material items, so the sudden switch to abstraction comes very suddenly for me. I'd say to add a paragraph for transitioning purposes! Show more of a "why" behind your narrator; there is some looming reason why they're private, vain, childish, luxurious, sad, etc. Is it related to their upbringing?
Overall, though, this is strong! I always thought inheritance was tricky to write about whenever I'd try - you did well exploring that idea here!
best,
cocteau
Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the demented S’more?
Top Graham Cracker - This is a story about a girl who inherits a ton of money from her Grandpa who dies. She doesn’t take it all and she still thinks of him even after he’s passed on.
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - I wish I could see more of how Grandpa made millions of dollars, but if I did not catch that, then you may ignore this.
Chocolate Bar - There’s a sense of sadness when the protagonist is talking about her Grandpa and all that came from his will. Like she can’t believe that she got all of that money and like the world has changed significantly ever since his death. I like the last line because it feels like she’s disconnected from society.
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a lovely short story about loss and taking what’s left. I enjoyed reading it and I will be sure to read any of the other stories that you write. And now…
I wish you a fantastic day/night! ^v^
Hello!
I will review this using the 'plot / setting / character' method from Megrim today!
Plot
I didn't understand what was happening in the first part, I wasn't sure what timeline the story was on and what was happening in general - after reading the whole text and rereading I understood, though. On my first reading, it felt to me as though the time and setting changed at every sentence, and I didn't understand, but on my second it was perfectly clear again. Otherwise, the plot was good.
Setting
The setting was clear for me, I have no suggestions; sentences you used like "Back at his place to collect our new belongings..." Were really helpful and made it better, while not boring the reader. That was good!
Character
The use of first person (I) was good for this text, I like how you described well in "scared what I might do if I was left with that kind of money"
Overall the story was good, I was just confused a bit at the beginning. Thank you for sharing it with us!!!
Have a nice day/night/afternoon/morning/evening =D
Good morning ^^
Great job reviewing! I like stories so let’s see what you have in store :3
“while the sky drained itself “ is such a good description!
I am a bit confused abt the use of the colon tho. It makes me think that everything that follows is the story the narrator writes in their head? But then, the story does jump forward to his funeral, doesn’t it? @.…@
But then you also used “They went to the Square Diner” so this part at least is what the narrator wrote abt the story Grandpa told them?
But there is a distinct lack of info on just how he made the million there.
That info also seems to be lacking right until the end.
I kinda like how this is more a stream of consciousness on the narrator’s part. Tho idk why they woke up and then got burned by the faucet? I don’t rly know how this could happen…
But I guess the story is called how “I” made millions and the answers seems to be: getting a starting capital out of Grandpa’s will of $140k dollars? :3
I’m curious abt how you ended the story too with the “perspective doesn’t work anymore” line. As if something really changed after they came home. Is it the absence of their grandfather? Or that they have a lot of money now?
(I do like how the lawyer immediately cut fees for a bad suggestion, agree with the narration: swell guy)
Hope you have a fantastic day and happy writing!
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I will review this!! Poke me!!
:>