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Young Writers Society


18+ Language Violence

Chapter one - Is it really the beginning?

by Pretty45


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and violence.

It was a wonderful day at the Northern Water Kingdom as you came back from your three days trip to the Earth Kingdom being so tired from the trip you went on.



When one of your guards had went to your mother in a rush almost as if there were news on the next trip to the Earth Kingdom once again.



"Your highness! Where's the princess? This is important news she must know. It's about the Earth Kingdom they are in desperate need of the princess to be there."



The queen looked up to see one of the guards staring at the queen in shock.



"She's in her room all packed up ready to go for her trip."



The queen gave her truthful reply back to Felix one of their capable guards at their kingdom.



When Felix knocked on your bedroom door he heard a small "come in" from you the princess as he pushed your door open to see you ready and packed for your trip.



"Ah, you're ready to go?"



"Yes, yes I am Felix. Is it about the Earth Kingdom? Then we can leave and be in time for the others to arrive, are you the one who's escorting me to the kingdom or is it James?"



"It's me, princess. We can leave now."



He said in reply as you smiled carrying your luggages while Kiki was following behind.



When you and Felix were packed and ready to go on your flying cross breed of a horse and eagle together your mother smiled and gave you good luck.

As the two of you arrived at the Earth Kingdom with your cross breed of a horse and eagle then you spotted Katara Sokka Aang Appa and Momo on one side.



While on the other side you spotted Azula Mai Ty lee with uncle Iroh and prince Zuko standing there together away from Katara Sokka Aang Appa and Momo.



"Momo!! Come here!!"



You said dragging attention to yourself as your friends looked at you in surprise.



"How are you doing? Hmm interesting! Hi Appa who's a good boy? Yes, you are. Hi Katara!! Aang Sokka."



You said to the guys who just looked a bit taken by surprise at your sudden greeting to them.



"Azula!!! Ty leee!!! Maaaai! Hi girls!!!!"



You said excited to see them here.



"Reaaaaaaderrr!!"



Ty lee said in her own excitement and hugged you as the other two girls petted Kai the flying breed horse and eagle who sqwaked in joy.



When you went over to uncle Iroh and prince Zuko you had a knowing smirk on your lips.



Which the three girls saw it and knew nothing better to what's going to happen next between you and zuko.



"My my my! What a loving surprise prince zuko! What else is there for me to know about the sweet prince~"



You said teasing which always came from both sides of you and zuko.



But this was somehow different between you and him you were both going to tease each other with your bendings.



Katara and Aang just watched carefully.



"Good to see you again, reader. How's your secret life been?"



He asked which you laughed and gave him a simple smile the one he recognized by seeing your giggle slip out.



"Ohh! My life? Well zuko, it's been tough with my father fighting in the war your father had created between all the kingdoms. But anything else it's been fine! And I'm sorry about in the past with your mother."



You said as you took a bow but zuko was already getting ready to attack his fire bending at you.



"Ready my prince?"



You asked him which his smile faded at the sudden nickname you gave to him.



"Why of course reader!"



He said in a smugful way that spiked your excitement to the top at 100% seeing childhood friends about to use their bending skills against each other.



When you threw a wave at the prince he grumbled something under his breath which had you laughing and he felt so ashamed seeing your smile.



"Give up yet, my prince?"



"Hah! You wish!!"



He said which as he used his fire bending and accidentally left a burned mark on your forearm you were fake crying.



He got worried instantly and backed away from you as you healed yourself.



"Now! Katara Aang, never get in a situation of where you accidentally get burned by a fire bender. You'll get burned on accident but that accident won't be again it'll soon happen to be on purpose. So don't! Don't ever do that again!"



You said to both Katara and Aang who looked at you in confusion when your guard got off the cross breed of horse and eagle.



"Pr-"



"If I were you Felix I wouldn't be saying that and don't do this while we're all in public. Besides the point my dear guard I think you should teach these four to know better than to show such disrespect."



You said which had Aang and Katara to have the urge to fight you here and now.



"Hi there Toph! How's your life been?"



You asked her which she smiled and looked else where to feel the vibrations of your voice as she replied back to your question.



"It's been good!"



Though you could tell that prince zuko and the others were busy waiting for you to follow them on where they'll set camp.



While they did that you stared at those few and gave them a nasty glare when prince zuko came over to you.



"You okay after.."



"I'm fine zuko, really it's not much of a bother and it doesn't really hurt that bad at least not worse than how Katara felt the burn."



You said as you saw that he was overthinking which you found cute of him doing such as you leaned your body against his with a smirk across your lips.



"What? I'm fine reader knock it off already."



"Uh huh yeah right it's not like of you to sound so upset commme onnnnn tell meeee!! What's bothering you?"



You asked him which he sighed deeply again which he looked at you with a deep sigh as you smiled at him.



"What's wrong zuko?"



"Nothing reader nothing at all. Only for my sister teasing us again."



That suddenly caught your attention as you looked at the three of them and uncle Iroh who was going to say something like "zuko, isn't that your girlfriend".



But luckily he didn't say shit like that at all to you which you are gratefully thankful about him not saying a word like that at all.



Though you just had some feeling that something else might happen in the meantime. Which you just hope that you're just seeing things and not really realizing the things that's all happening to you in the real life as it was.


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Mon Mar 18, 2024 11:21 am
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PKMichelle wrote a review...



Hello, friend!
A slightly belated welcome to YWS!! I saw your work in the Green Room and figured I’d check it out!

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Per my interpretation, this was an interesting start to a novel... while some parts were a little weak and a bit confusing, the overall plot seemed to be a good one, and something that I'm looking forward to!

Brief Summary:

Spoiler! :
The reader, a princess, is set off on a mission to the Earth Kingdom. But before she officially leaves, she goes to collect Prince Zuko. They eventually arrive at their destination and begin to set up camp, when the reader and Prince Zuko start to question their relationship.

This was quite an interesting plot that I'm looking forward to exploring!!


If I could offer any sort of advice, it would be in relation to your punctuation. There were several parts where there were run-on sentences or it was a little difficult to understand what was going on due to a lack of commas or other punctuation marks.

For example, in the beginning, when they were trying to give a message to the princess about the Earth Kingdom, there was a simple run-on sentence. You said,

"Your highness! Where's the princess? This is important news she must know. It's about the Earth Kingdom they are in desperate need of the princess to be there."


The bolded section is a sentence that can stand on its own and that, without any sort of punctuation following it, is a run-on sentence. You could add a period after the bolded section, or you could add a semicolon, which is a way to connect two sentences that have common ideas. It would look like this:

"Your highness! Where's the princess? This is important news she must know. It's about the Earth Kingdom; they are in desperate need of the princess to be there."


This is a common problem in your writing that could be revised...

But, obviously, this is just a suggestion, and it's always up to the writer, so please take this criticism lightly and know that I mean nothing negative by it—only trying to provide a somewhat useful critique.


If I had to pick my favorite part, it would absolutely be the ending! I really liked the way one of the last sentences set the reader off in an unknown direction, foreshadowing something that might happen in the future. It's a great way to draw a reader in and keep them coming back for more!! You said,

Though you just had some feeling that something else might happen in the meantime.


This was an awesome sentence that really seemed to catch my eye! What might happen? What's the feeling we're experiencing? I'm not too sure, but I do like it! This was a great way to keep a reader interested; we all always want answers, so we'll always keep coming back! Good job there!!

I also genuinely enjoy the way this chapter is formatted!! I love the use of second-person omniscient, as it's not something commonly used in writing, but it's such an interesting and wonderful perspective! I always wished I saw more of it in writing, so kudos to you for being the one to do it!


Overall, this wasn't the strongest start to a novel, but there were many fantastic aspects that make me excited to see more! Keep doing what you're doing while also implementing some more strict punctuation rules, and this novel will be an excellent one!!

Thank you for taking the time to write and post this, and I hope this review is of some use to you!


Goodbye for now! I hope you have a magnificent day (or night) wherever you are!





Life’s disappointments are harder to take if you don’t know any swear words.
— Bill Watterson