DELETE

by Preachergirl18

Published August 16, 2011

DELETE

Comments & reviews · 4
YouWishYouHadThis commented Comment · Aug 16, 2011

Im Really confused But I Get What You Saying

AngelKnight900 wrote a review Review · Aug 16, 2011

Hello there. I, too, am a fellow christian and this is the second poem that I've read by you. What I will comment on is that this poem does have some flow issues. I would reread it and try to make it flow more. Read it out loud. But also read it in many different tones to see if it flows nevertheless the way you read it. What I will also say is that you seem to have a clear understanding of what you want to say but it doesn't really come out right. Well poetry is poetry so don't change it too much. Can't wait to read the other poems. Also read some poems of mine and tell me what you think. Keep writing and God bless.

User avatar
Noelle
Review
Noelle wrote a review Review · Aug 16, 2011

Hi there!

This is a good poem. I understand the message you are trying to get through and you describe it very well. I think your lines are a little long and confusing. Maybe if you add some punctuation it'll be less confusing. If you chop up the lines into smaller ones it'll flow better too. Your spelling and grammer is good as well. There was only one thing I found to correct:

But maybe just maybe they are feeling sad too

You used the wrong form of the word 'to'.

Again, good job with this. Keep writing!

Rayneisthename wrote a review Review · Aug 16, 2011

uhhhhhhh. This is so confusing (and I'm being honest here) that I can't even put it into words. In the beginning there is no flow at all and then it starts to pick up a bit. And then that flow is totally dropped and then goes back and forth through like three different rhythms. The words were also very confusing, you seem to jump from one topic to the other too fast and because of the rhythm the reader looses focus quickly. I think that you were a little confused yourself on what you were writing about. I think this could be a very good poem if you cleaned it up a bit.
Keep writing
-Rayne



You're given the form, but you have to write the sonnet yourself. What you say is completely up to you.
— Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time